God is Real.

He is. Sorry if you don't want to believe it but its true. Spend any amount of time honestly looking and you will see. I've talked about what I am going through in my spiritual life in previous posts. I am basically searching for truth, reevaluating ideas that I've grown up with, refreshing my beliefs. I'm catching hollow phrases when they pop up as answers to important questions. Answers such as, "that's just not something we're meant to understand" or "Jesus said 'blessed are those who believe and have not seen' you doubting Thomas." While its true that we cannot understand everything in the world or about God, for the moment, and for the sake of my quest, I will not accept such answers. With that said, I am excited to tell you that I am making progress! Before last night I felt that I was only moving backward- the image of a kid trying to climb up the slide but skidding slowly backward instead to the squeak of skin on plastic- but thanks to a dear friend, who spent several hours talking with me, I have come to a fundamental realization. There is a God. He is here. He can interact with me. There is a spiritual realm. If you know me, you may say, "um, you've been a Christian for what? 15 years? and you are just now having a realization that there is a God?" Without spending much time on why I've decided to do so just understand it this way: I've thrown it all away and am starting with a clean slate. Whether there is a God and how interactive He is with me is the foundation. I need to believe it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I do believe it and I'm nearing the 'shadow of a doubt' place. Without going into too much detail on what he and I talked about and what was more specifically revealed to me, I'll tell you that God and I had a moment. But what really seals the deal is this. Last night when I was leaving his house, I backed into his sisters car. Then this morning, I missed my alarm, woke up at the time I'm supposed to leave my house, and my car wouldn't start; my friend came over to jump it but when she opened the hood, all that was wrong was that the connector was off of the battery thing (like my technical terms?). So I was late for work. When I got to work, I realized that left my breakfast and lunch which were in a bag. I met a friend for lunch and on the way back I was running late (my fault pretty much) and so I was speeding and got a ticket. Here is what I believe. I am learning some very important truths about God. I am learning to identify some very crippling lies. Someone does not want me to know these things. Someone does not want me to understand what it means to have a relationship with God. Unfortunately for them, I can see what is going on and the fact that i am upsetting them only lets me know I am getting ever closer to what I am looking for. I know God is real because my digging is causing a stir. My probing is making darkness uncomfortable. But I have nothing to feel because God is light. And light is, well, everything.


One more thought.. I just thought of this. Maybe this is a good comparison to my present Spiritual endeavor. Lets say you know conversational Spanish because you had a foreign exchange student come live with you. You even went to Mexico with him and visited his family. You could talk to everyone just fine but occasionally a phrase went over your head. Later you want to study and really know and understand the language. You want to know why certain things are conjugated in the different forms, you want to know where the language came from, what all the idioms and phrases mean. You want to know the language not just speak it. I want to know God, not just speak Christian.

That may not make sense to you. I sometimes think of really far-fetched analogies.. I always have actually. I learned to keep them to myself, though, after, in Sunday school, I compared God to the girl at school who had the perfect pony-tail and "as hard as I try I will never be like her. I just can't." "yeesss.... uh, that's right, Katie... um, yeah.." Well, it made sense to me!

Anyway, I learned so many things last night, I can't even begin to write them down. There is a lot of metal sorting out to be done. But I can tell you that God feels close and I like that.