Hopefully, if you like fashion, you have already gawked at every stitch of fabric that made up the awe-inspiring works of art showcased during Fashion Week. Maybe you have watched the videos on style.com or maybe your are more lucky than I to have actually been there. Either way, I'm sure your jaw dropped more than once. (My god, i love fashion.) Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that if you haven't had a chance to see what spring 2009 has in store for us (us being those who can afford to buy any of these things- not I) that you check some of it out. I mean come on, Galliano with those head dresses and the well, actual dresses! amazing! and Alexander McQueen! and Diane von Furstenberg! I am overwhelmed (and it's like the 7th time i've watched them..)
There are a couple things that really stood out to me... what are your favorites??
Friday, January 30, 2009
Love is in the Air
It's getting close to the day of hearts and pink and chocolate and flowers and kisses and red and I have fallen in love just in time...
...with this jacket
Actually pretty much with the Balmain spring collection. Well, just make that with Balmain.
...with this jacket
Actually pretty much with the Balmain spring collection. Well, just make that with Balmain.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
At Some Point in my Life...
I'd like to wander aimlessly.
I love the show, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. Well, I really just love the Travel Channel. Last night he was in Ethiopia. It was a really cool episode with some very bizarre foods indeed (raw camel kidney anyone?). But that wasn't the thing that pushed my Inspiration Button. (You know, when you see/hear something that makes your soul do flips inside of your heart? that's your button.) The thing that hit my button last night was seeing the food preparation be so organic and communal. I realize that this is due to poverty and I don't mean to be so American as to turn it into something posh, but i was just struck by the beautiful and exotic picture of family together all day preparing food with their hands and then presenting their guest with a colorful feast.
The women changed into beautiful, colorful dresses and the walls of the room were covered in ornate plates and tapestries. Everyone sat on the floor around the table and shared in the meal.
He also visited a place where they make coffee from scratch and by hand. It takes 3 hours to complete the process but it's a social event. My mouth was watering for some of that coffee. Hand-hulled beans, then roasted over a flame and manually grinded, mixed with hot water and served when the host deemed it ready. yum. They snacked on popped corn and defferent types of beans and things. I think I would have wanted a pastry :)
Things like this just really lay into my button and wear it out. I have this burning instinctual need to travel to these kinds of places. What is stopping me? i ask myself sometimes.. I'm not sure. I am free. I have no ties. I have no money but I could probably still make it happen.. So, what then? Maybe I feel a rush to make my music career happen. yes, I know I do. But i'm 23. I've been out of high school for 5 years and what have I done? Wow, I need to do something. Something big. There's a new year's resolution for you: Do something big. I want to look back at 2009 and not think, what did I do? not have it run into all the other years with no distinction. Maybe this year will be the year of Trudy Chase. We'll get all the music worked out and then just go on the road. Or maybe we'll get all the music worked up and go overseas. to Europe. I think they would like it.
Anyway, back to my "At Some Point in my Life.."
I want to wander. I want to go places like Ethiopia and just see them. Maybe write about them. Maybe photograph them. I just want to be expanded. I want to be extracted from my bubble. I wonder often if I will ever be the people that are inside of me. If they will get their turn. Here's a visual tour of my multiple personalities:
First of all, you know I got this in me:
But maybe i'll travel around doing this
and this
and exploring places like this
maybe I'll even satisfy the long enduring desire to be a part of things like this
Or maybe someday hell will freeze over and this will happen
I have to be honest though, I picture it a little more like this (I'm really not sure why..)
and then, heaven forbid, what if i get one of these!
Artist, singer, lover, mother, daughter, friend, fashionista, nester, explorer, drinker, thinker, adventurer, entertainer, loner, partier, painter, writer, classy, lazy, fun, careful, reckless, spiritual, needy, fulfilled, searching, finding, working, wanting, loving, helping.
and more.
I love the show, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. Well, I really just love the Travel Channel. Last night he was in Ethiopia. It was a really cool episode with some very bizarre foods indeed (raw camel kidney anyone?). But that wasn't the thing that pushed my Inspiration Button. (You know, when you see/hear something that makes your soul do flips inside of your heart? that's your button.) The thing that hit my button last night was seeing the food preparation be so organic and communal. I realize that this is due to poverty and I don't mean to be so American as to turn it into something posh, but i was just struck by the beautiful and exotic picture of family together all day preparing food with their hands and then presenting their guest with a colorful feast.
The women changed into beautiful, colorful dresses and the walls of the room were covered in ornate plates and tapestries. Everyone sat on the floor around the table and shared in the meal.
He also visited a place where they make coffee from scratch and by hand. It takes 3 hours to complete the process but it's a social event. My mouth was watering for some of that coffee. Hand-hulled beans, then roasted over a flame and manually grinded, mixed with hot water and served when the host deemed it ready. yum. They snacked on popped corn and defferent types of beans and things. I think I would have wanted a pastry :)
Things like this just really lay into my button and wear it out. I have this burning instinctual need to travel to these kinds of places. What is stopping me? i ask myself sometimes.. I'm not sure. I am free. I have no ties. I have no money but I could probably still make it happen.. So, what then? Maybe I feel a rush to make my music career happen. yes, I know I do. But i'm 23. I've been out of high school for 5 years and what have I done? Wow, I need to do something. Something big. There's a new year's resolution for you: Do something big. I want to look back at 2009 and not think, what did I do? not have it run into all the other years with no distinction. Maybe this year will be the year of Trudy Chase. We'll get all the music worked out and then just go on the road. Or maybe we'll get all the music worked up and go overseas. to Europe. I think they would like it.
Anyway, back to my "At Some Point in my Life.."
I want to wander. I want to go places like Ethiopia and just see them. Maybe write about them. Maybe photograph them. I just want to be expanded. I want to be extracted from my bubble. I wonder often if I will ever be the people that are inside of me. If they will get their turn. Here's a visual tour of my multiple personalities:
First of all, you know I got this in me:
But maybe i'll travel around doing this
and this
and exploring places like this
maybe I'll even satisfy the long enduring desire to be a part of things like this
Or maybe someday hell will freeze over and this will happen
I have to be honest though, I picture it a little more like this (I'm really not sure why..)
and then, heaven forbid, what if i get one of these!
Artist, singer, lover, mother, daughter, friend, fashionista, nester, explorer, drinker, thinker, adventurer, entertainer, loner, partier, painter, writer, classy, lazy, fun, careful, reckless, spiritual, needy, fulfilled, searching, finding, working, wanting, loving, helping.
and more.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
I had another dream about him. This one was especially cruel. I don't remember it all exactly but we were in love again. He had some new hippie friends and we all climbed up on this giant loft bed and hung out. Then he and I were laying around smoking cigarettes, which is funny cause neither of us smoke. That was the part right before I woke up so I remember that best but I know that there was a lot more. It was just nice. To be in love with him again. We were giddy. We didn't talk much, just smiled at each other.
damn it all.
Speaking of love, my friends got engaged yesterday. I think I'm happy for them.. ? It makes me wonder- I know I've always had a bad attitude towards marriage. My parents were married young and got divorced and did an excellent job of instilling in me a fear of all things love and commitment. My first reaction to this kind of news is generally a sigh and head shake. Why though?? Is it because we are young? Is it because I'm 23 and I've already seen engagement break-ups, infidelity and divorce among my peers?? Or in this case specifically is it a reaction to the weird feeling in my stomach that tells me this is not right for these two. I really don't know. But I do feel strange about this one. I'm not sure I'm buyin. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself last night that he was happy about it. But what do I know?
Let's go back to me for a second, since it is my blog. Let's look at 3 men on my mind these days: Should be, Would be, and Could be (also called the ghosts of relationships past, present and future).
Should be, well, we should've been. I should've realized what I had. If the universe is ever to fall back into place, then he and I should be. It's simple. Like puzzle peices. It just should be.
Would be- he would be good. He would be fun, he would be nice, he would be good. But he would be settling. He would be 85%. And that's not enough.
Could be- He makes me wonder; he makes me excited. What could be makes me think someday I could get over what should be. But we'll have to wait and see. It could be wishful thinking. But it could be.
And there you have it.
damn it all.
Speaking of love, my friends got engaged yesterday. I think I'm happy for them.. ? It makes me wonder- I know I've always had a bad attitude towards marriage. My parents were married young and got divorced and did an excellent job of instilling in me a fear of all things love and commitment. My first reaction to this kind of news is generally a sigh and head shake. Why though?? Is it because we are young? Is it because I'm 23 and I've already seen engagement break-ups, infidelity and divorce among my peers?? Or in this case specifically is it a reaction to the weird feeling in my stomach that tells me this is not right for these two. I really don't know. But I do feel strange about this one. I'm not sure I'm buyin. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself last night that he was happy about it. But what do I know?
Let's go back to me for a second, since it is my blog. Let's look at 3 men on my mind these days: Should be, Would be, and Could be (also called the ghosts of relationships past, present and future).
Should be, well, we should've been. I should've realized what I had. If the universe is ever to fall back into place, then he and I should be. It's simple. Like puzzle peices. It just should be.
Would be- he would be good. He would be fun, he would be nice, he would be good. But he would be settling. He would be 85%. And that's not enough.
Could be- He makes me wonder; he makes me excited. What could be makes me think someday I could get over what should be. But we'll have to wait and see. It could be wishful thinking. But it could be.
And there you have it.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Poop.
This is weird to write, but I just went poop (which I hate doing in public bathrooms but I had coffee this morning and that leaves me no other choice..) I thought the color seemed a little strange. I remember noticing a novelty book, in my regular perusal of Urban Outfitters Online, called "What's Your Poo Telling You?" and began to wonder just that. So I googled the subject and found this. Maybe you too have wondered if your bowel movements provide any clues about your health and what may be lacking or overwhelming your diet. Well, if you are like me, with too much time on your hands and odd curiosities, then I'd check out this informative article/book review. Please make sure and read the whole thing because the last part is very important. It brings you back to reality a bit, concluding that analyzing your poop "may be yet another manifestation of Americans' 'obsessive, narcissistic' behavior." Personally, I believe that our bodies know best and all they need from us is support by way of a healthy diet and lifestyle but they do not need us to take the wheel in an attempt to control and perfect.
"The colon has been around million of years and the wisdom of the colon predates us. This notion that we can somehow always intervene in some way so we can be intellectually or psychically or physiologically superior to this part of the body is kind of foolish." (James Dillard, medical director of Columbia University's Rosenthal Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine)
"The colon has been around million of years and the wisdom of the colon predates us. This notion that we can somehow always intervene in some way so we can be intellectually or psychically or physiologically superior to this part of the body is kind of foolish." (James Dillard, medical director of Columbia University's Rosenthal Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine)
I Pledge
I don't really talk about politics much. I certainly have views but I don't really like to argue much. Well, sometimes I do, but on the subject of politics I never feel like it really goes anywhere. I think I have a pretty pessimistic view on the subject. It feels very hopeless to me. I think there is a lot that we don't know, as the general public. I'm very frustrated by the media and how quickly we all gobble up whatever is plastered in the television in front of us. It may seem, again, a pessimistic view, but I think there are very smart, powerful, money-hungry, and evil people at work behind the scenes. I like to maintain a certain level of faith in humanity, however, and in the good of people, so I'm not sure that I subscribe fully to certain conspiracy-theories and such, but if you look into some of the claims and ideas out there, you have to acknowledge that there are things going on to which we are kept blind. 911. Come on. Do a tiny bit of research and you'll see scary discrepancies. The Oklahoma City bombing, even Pearl Harbor. If your interested in that sort of thing, then watch this: http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
It's very interesting and whether or not it is all factual, it definitely opens your eyes to certain possibilities. (The first part is on religion and that is a whole other conversation. Sufficed to say, they have eye-opening and intriguing evidence but I don't believe it points to the conclusion that they came to. Get past that though and you'll get to the more political stuff. The second video is cool too- about our money system)
Anyway though, this is all to set up a video. What I was trying to get to is this: I'm not an Obama fan. I didn't vote for him. Actually I didn't vote. (that's also a whole other explanation) I think Obama is conveniently getting people excited about having more government. Especially when he says things like "It's not about more government or less government, it's about whether it works" (Actually I probably shouldn't have put that in quotes cause it's not direct but anyway.. it was to that effect) What I DO like though is to see people care. To see people want change and get excited about being a part of something and for things like this:
Celebs 'pledge' to support Obama
Unfortunately the pessimism kicks in and I quickly lose faith in the endurance of the public's will to serve. I hope I'm proved wrong.
So what do I pledge?
I pledge to be open-minded and discerning. I pledge to seek truth. I pledge to turn my pointed finger on myself and be the change I want to see in the world.
It's very interesting and whether or not it is all factual, it definitely opens your eyes to certain possibilities. (The first part is on religion and that is a whole other conversation. Sufficed to say, they have eye-opening and intriguing evidence but I don't believe it points to the conclusion that they came to. Get past that though and you'll get to the more political stuff. The second video is cool too- about our money system)
Anyway though, this is all to set up a video. What I was trying to get to is this: I'm not an Obama fan. I didn't vote for him. Actually I didn't vote. (that's also a whole other explanation) I think Obama is conveniently getting people excited about having more government. Especially when he says things like "It's not about more government or less government, it's about whether it works" (Actually I probably shouldn't have put that in quotes cause it's not direct but anyway.. it was to that effect) What I DO like though is to see people care. To see people want change and get excited about being a part of something and for things like this:
Celebs 'pledge' to support Obama
Unfortunately the pessimism kicks in and I quickly lose faith in the endurance of the public's will to serve. I hope I'm proved wrong.
So what do I pledge?
I pledge to be open-minded and discerning. I pledge to seek truth. I pledge to turn my pointed finger on myself and be the change I want to see in the world.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
In Defense of Fashion
I like fashion. A friend once told me that he liked style not fashion because style is long-lasting, elegant, classy, not trendy, flashy, silly. I like style too. But I also like fashion. It doesn't bother me that I will look back at pictures of myself 10 years from now and say "what was I thinking?" I will also be able to identify what was going on in my life, what mood I was in, what I cared about, what I was preparing for. You see, I'm an artist and fashion is just one more way that I love to express myself. That is why I believe in taking risks, breaking rules, and being daring in fashion. I believe in all of these things with art. With that said, I'd like to talk about the Golden Globe Awards.
Last night I watched a little bit of a show where they were discussing the fashion of the night before's award ceremony and today I ran across this. Sure some of the things said were valid. After all, if there are fashion "risks" then there are fashion failures. They really rip these people apart though. I give the people on the worst-dressed list props for trying something new, something different. So, I'd like to try and defend some of these helpless victims.
Ok, I see what she was going for here. If it had just been a smooth nude something underneath I think it would've worked. When I saw video of her on the red carpet, particularly from the side, I thought she looked good. It's somewhat Victorian. It's very flattering to her figure! Overall, not terrible and props for going for it. Ok, next.
Ok, so it's wrinkled a little. ok, a lot. Oops. Get over it. I think the dress is actually beautiful. I like drapey things. I think it is flattering to her because she has larger breasts so the way it hangs is nice. Pretty color. Simple accessories and hair. I like it. And she's probably comfortable.
I'm gonna be honest here. I LOVE this. I'm sorry but I think it is fun, daring, young and something new to see on the red carpet. I think her face looks fresh and her hair is simple enough to wear with a bright bold dress. I would wear it.
Be honest, no one would be complaining if she was rail-thin. Picture it on Cameron Diaz. See? I think she looks great. She's beautiful and voluptuous and there's no reason she should have to cover it up. She's lucky to have the skin color that she can look so good with a couple rolls. I am pale so I cannot get away with the chubs at all. I really am glad that she is embracing her body like that. Little girls, look! Nope, stop looking at Megan Fox, look at this hot mama! (But wait til your older to show that kinda skin, ok?)
Well, that face is a bit of a shame.. I can't say I'm a fan of the hair, but it doesn't offend me and if she likes it then good. Here's what I think about the dress. It's a very pretty bodice, imagine if from right below the belt, it went straight down with the skirt into a normal floorlength hemline. That would be very nice and um, normal? predictable? Whether or not you think this worked, it is nice to see someone try and change it up.
I can totally see what she was going for here! This is a very bold, fun, and loud fashion statement so people will probably hate it or love it. The shoes and the fact that is is short struck at first and I didn't think I liked it but it's actually growing on me. I get it. I'm not sure if i'd wear it, but I like it.
Not my favorite, but she is definitely being creative. I think it's fun to go for themey kinda things, costumey things. You can't always wear an acceptable, sleek, agreeable dress. Sometimes you have to let out your inner pirate! Hopefully she felt good in it.
Oh the hair! the hair! ok, calm down. That's a beautiful dress, she looks beautiful. Her hair may be a tad too big. Like they said, she may have overshot the Marylin Monroe thing but I think we're all overreacting a little bit. She looks pretty overall. There's a fun retro feel to it.
I did notice when watching that this didn't do anything for her bustline. But it's a nice dress. A fun Cameron Diaz-only kinda color and a neat shape. I don't think her hair is bad. I've been diggin the roots thing on some people recently. Maybe it's a little flat.. But overall, I like it.
Seriously?? she's 15. Leave her alone. At least she is dressing her age.
I'm not gonna defend the raccoon eyes. She's a pretty girl and that's just too much. And I did think her hair was a little weird but maybe it just didn't translate well over video... Anyway what's wrong with the dress? I think it's very pretty. Nice color. Maybe they're right about the fit but I definitely didn't think it was much of an issue. I love the ruffles!
Ok, I'm not a fan of the slit or the "train". I'll give her the slit though cause she's young and she can. I like the bed head look. Overall I would actually complain that it's not that exciting. But she obviously liked it. I think it's interesting what newbee's wear vs. people who have been to many many award shows. She probably wanted to go for something young but elegant and sleek. Hopefully she felt like a princess for what i'm only guessing is her first big award show. Maybe she'll get more daring later.
I can't believe I did all of those.. haha. Let me defend myself also for a minute. I'd not throw these people into the best-dressed list, I merely give them props for trying something different. And I can see what they were going for. Gaze over the Best Dressed List though to see how much better these attempts could have gone. Anne Hathaway, are you kidding?? She looked like a real princess. wow. Angelina did the high slit the right way and so many others successfully mastered fit. Kate Beckinsale- beautiful!
Last night I watched a little bit of a show where they were discussing the fashion of the night before's award ceremony and today I ran across this. Sure some of the things said were valid. After all, if there are fashion "risks" then there are fashion failures. They really rip these people apart though. I give the people on the worst-dressed list props for trying something new, something different. So, I'd like to try and defend some of these helpless victims.
Ok, I see what she was going for here. If it had just been a smooth nude something underneath I think it would've worked. When I saw video of her on the red carpet, particularly from the side, I thought she looked good. It's somewhat Victorian. It's very flattering to her figure! Overall, not terrible and props for going for it. Ok, next.
Ok, so it's wrinkled a little. ok, a lot. Oops. Get over it. I think the dress is actually beautiful. I like drapey things. I think it is flattering to her because she has larger breasts so the way it hangs is nice. Pretty color. Simple accessories and hair. I like it. And she's probably comfortable.
I'm gonna be honest here. I LOVE this. I'm sorry but I think it is fun, daring, young and something new to see on the red carpet. I think her face looks fresh and her hair is simple enough to wear with a bright bold dress. I would wear it.
Be honest, no one would be complaining if she was rail-thin. Picture it on Cameron Diaz. See? I think she looks great. She's beautiful and voluptuous and there's no reason she should have to cover it up. She's lucky to have the skin color that she can look so good with a couple rolls. I am pale so I cannot get away with the chubs at all. I really am glad that she is embracing her body like that. Little girls, look! Nope, stop looking at Megan Fox, look at this hot mama! (But wait til your older to show that kinda skin, ok?)
Well, that face is a bit of a shame.. I can't say I'm a fan of the hair, but it doesn't offend me and if she likes it then good. Here's what I think about the dress. It's a very pretty bodice, imagine if from right below the belt, it went straight down with the skirt into a normal floorlength hemline. That would be very nice and um, normal? predictable? Whether or not you think this worked, it is nice to see someone try and change it up.
I can totally see what she was going for here! This is a very bold, fun, and loud fashion statement so people will probably hate it or love it. The shoes and the fact that is is short struck at first and I didn't think I liked it but it's actually growing on me. I get it. I'm not sure if i'd wear it, but I like it.
Not my favorite, but she is definitely being creative. I think it's fun to go for themey kinda things, costumey things. You can't always wear an acceptable, sleek, agreeable dress. Sometimes you have to let out your inner pirate! Hopefully she felt good in it.
Oh the hair! the hair! ok, calm down. That's a beautiful dress, she looks beautiful. Her hair may be a tad too big. Like they said, she may have overshot the Marylin Monroe thing but I think we're all overreacting a little bit. She looks pretty overall. There's a fun retro feel to it.
I did notice when watching that this didn't do anything for her bustline. But it's a nice dress. A fun Cameron Diaz-only kinda color and a neat shape. I don't think her hair is bad. I've been diggin the roots thing on some people recently. Maybe it's a little flat.. But overall, I like it.
Seriously?? she's 15. Leave her alone. At least she is dressing her age.
I'm not gonna defend the raccoon eyes. She's a pretty girl and that's just too much. And I did think her hair was a little weird but maybe it just didn't translate well over video... Anyway what's wrong with the dress? I think it's very pretty. Nice color. Maybe they're right about the fit but I definitely didn't think it was much of an issue. I love the ruffles!
Ok, I'm not a fan of the slit or the "train". I'll give her the slit though cause she's young and she can. I like the bed head look. Overall I would actually complain that it's not that exciting. But she obviously liked it. I think it's interesting what newbee's wear vs. people who have been to many many award shows. She probably wanted to go for something young but elegant and sleek. Hopefully she felt like a princess for what i'm only guessing is her first big award show. Maybe she'll get more daring later.
I can't believe I did all of those.. haha. Let me defend myself also for a minute. I'd not throw these people into the best-dressed list, I merely give them props for trying something different. And I can see what they were going for. Gaze over the Best Dressed List though to see how much better these attempts could have gone. Anne Hathaway, are you kidding?? She looked like a real princess. wow. Angelina did the high slit the right way and so many others successfully mastered fit. Kate Beckinsale- beautiful!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
'member?
hey remember Robyn?
Well, apparently she still exists and I'm really into her stuff:
And THIS is just FUNNY! especially if you are from Texas like me :)
Well, apparently she still exists and I'm really into her stuff:
And THIS is just FUNNY! especially if you are from Texas like me :)
A couple things
First of all, my stitches come out this afternoon and I'm a little nervous for several reasons. 1) It doesn't seem like they're ready to come out. It looks the same and it still hurts and is very sensitive. 2) I'm afraid they will somehow be able to tell that I didn't follow the rules.. "what in the world have you been doing?? this looks horrible! You didn't do any physical activity did you?!?" 3) I can't see completely cause it's on my back, but it almost looks like skin has grown over one of the stitches. That's gross and seems like it could be a problem in getting them out.. Yikes! In general, I'm just worried cause I don't know what it's supposed to look like, feel like, etc. so for all i know it could be healing terribly! I'm sure it's fine though.. I think.. anyway, I guess we'll find out at 2:40 today.
So, that last post was just a silly little "poem" that I wrote just now cause i was thinking about that phrase "get your hopes up" and how descriptive it is. How it feels like you're holding a big helium balloon and if you let it go, its all over, there's no bringing it back down. You know the feeling. Maybe there's a possibility of a promotion and you find yourself picturing it and then you tell yourself to stop cause you'll get too excited and possibly dissappointed. OR, and this is what actually spurred the thought for me, maybe there's a guy... :) (or girl) And maybe they said something that made your mind want to race down the path of what-ifs and picture things you shouldn't picture and imagine things you shouldn't imagine.. But you're holding that balloon tight, checking thoughts that start to head in that direction. You're doing so well, you're so even, level, in control and then- something happens- a word, a touch, a thought- that tips the scale and trips your feet and find yourself lying on the ground, empty handed, watching those hopes float up and up and up and out of sight and you know that there is no recovering from this now. You're in. You see it. You want it. You can taste it. But you don't have it. Yet. You just really HOPE it happens.
The last thing that I wanted to write about today is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I've written bits about it before. It's one of those situations that you ask advice on but no one can advise you. There is no correct answer or formula to follow for the best possible results. If any answer exists it is within you and no one else can find it. Some of my cousil though has led me to a point where i think i want to write a letter. I've heard its good to write a letter without the intent to send it, just to get it out. I wrote another post before called "Two Letters" where I tried to do that. But now i feel like i need to revise it. (The first letter of that post, by the way, i sent. no reply. i think that is a good enough response.)
SO, let's brainstorm, what do i want to say to him...
I think about you all the time. I have still not met anyone like you. I want to know that you are happy and that you don't think about me. If that's true, then i'll let this go.
That's simple, but i really think thats it. i need closure. I don't want to say i need closure though, cause i don't want it to be closed, sometimes i just want it to be reopened..
I'm sorry this isn't making a lot of sense probably. this is a therapeutic post. i'm trying to just splatter feelings and thoughts across the page just to get them out. see what they look like. They look like splatter.
So, that last post was just a silly little "poem" that I wrote just now cause i was thinking about that phrase "get your hopes up" and how descriptive it is. How it feels like you're holding a big helium balloon and if you let it go, its all over, there's no bringing it back down. You know the feeling. Maybe there's a possibility of a promotion and you find yourself picturing it and then you tell yourself to stop cause you'll get too excited and possibly dissappointed. OR, and this is what actually spurred the thought for me, maybe there's a guy... :) (or girl) And maybe they said something that made your mind want to race down the path of what-ifs and picture things you shouldn't picture and imagine things you shouldn't imagine.. But you're holding that balloon tight, checking thoughts that start to head in that direction. You're doing so well, you're so even, level, in control and then- something happens- a word, a touch, a thought- that tips the scale and trips your feet and find yourself lying on the ground, empty handed, watching those hopes float up and up and up and out of sight and you know that there is no recovering from this now. You're in. You see it. You want it. You can taste it. But you don't have it. Yet. You just really HOPE it happens.
The last thing that I wanted to write about today is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I've written bits about it before. It's one of those situations that you ask advice on but no one can advise you. There is no correct answer or formula to follow for the best possible results. If any answer exists it is within you and no one else can find it. Some of my cousil though has led me to a point where i think i want to write a letter. I've heard its good to write a letter without the intent to send it, just to get it out. I wrote another post before called "Two Letters" where I tried to do that. But now i feel like i need to revise it. (The first letter of that post, by the way, i sent. no reply. i think that is a good enough response.)
SO, let's brainstorm, what do i want to say to him...
I think about you all the time. I have still not met anyone like you. I want to know that you are happy and that you don't think about me. If that's true, then i'll let this go.
That's simple, but i really think thats it. i need closure. I don't want to say i need closure though, cause i don't want it to be closed, sometimes i just want it to be reopened..
I'm sorry this isn't making a lot of sense probably. this is a therapeutic post. i'm trying to just splatter feelings and thoughts across the page just to get them out. see what they look like. They look like splatter.
Don't Get Your Hopes Up
Hope.
Shriveled piece of rubber.
bring it to your lips and blow.
Air.
Fills your lungs and sets you floating.
Hold it tight; keep it low.
Words.
Tie your laces to eachother.
Trip, fall, let it go.
Hope.
Expanded ball of rubber.
Soaring higher, higher, higher.
Surely falling soon.
Shriveled piece of rubber.
bring it to your lips and blow.
Air.
Fills your lungs and sets you floating.
Hold it tight; keep it low.
Words.
Tie your laces to eachother.
Trip, fall, let it go.
Hope.
Expanded ball of rubber.
Soaring higher, higher, higher.
Surely falling soon.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I'm Tired/Skiing Pics
I don't get it. Monday i woke up at 7am after having gone to bed at 2:30am and was fine at work all day. Mostly. I mean, I was tired of course but it was bearable. Then I get plenty of sleep that night and was great all day yesterday. Last night I didn't make it to bed til about midnight and woke up at 7am and I'm completely exhausted. It's 10 in the morning and I feel like i'm still not awake. My eyes are puffy and watery and I can't stop yawning. That doesn't make much sense to me. Apparently I do better on 4 and a half hours of sleep than 7. That's awesome. I don't get it. Moving on.
Speaking of moving.. My brother is moving today. His bff bought a house and they are gonna live in it together. I think it'll be really cool for them but it's a little sad and here's why. Right now they both live with 2 other guys that are really good friends, who I also used to live with. They live about 30 minutes away though so I don't get to see them much. I get to see them when I go see Brian though and now I won't see them as often. I'm sure I'll see them though. No need to worry.
(sorry, i don't have the energy to try and write interestingly today)
Wanna see some pics from skiing??
Here's the girls after a long day of skiing/snowboarding.
I was actually the only skier. I would have tried snowboarding with the rest of them but I actually wasn't really supposed to go at all because i just had a minor surgery and still had stitches in. But i'm a good enough skier that i knew i wouldn't fall and mess anything up. On a snowboard though, i definitely would have been on the ground more than upright so i figured i'd save my snowboarding debut for next time.
That's Kates and Ryan above. And below is the beautiful Perfect North Slopes. Only 4 and a half hours away. I promise it's more exciting than it appears in this picture. It kept us very well occupied for 2 full days.
That's right after we got there. can't you see the excitement?!?
The lone skier :)
And the cool kids.
Speaking of moving.. My brother is moving today. His bff bought a house and they are gonna live in it together. I think it'll be really cool for them but it's a little sad and here's why. Right now they both live with 2 other guys that are really good friends, who I also used to live with. They live about 30 minutes away though so I don't get to see them much. I get to see them when I go see Brian though and now I won't see them as often. I'm sure I'll see them though. No need to worry.
(sorry, i don't have the energy to try and write interestingly today)
Wanna see some pics from skiing??
Here's the girls after a long day of skiing/snowboarding.
I was actually the only skier. I would have tried snowboarding with the rest of them but I actually wasn't really supposed to go at all because i just had a minor surgery and still had stitches in. But i'm a good enough skier that i knew i wouldn't fall and mess anything up. On a snowboard though, i definitely would have been on the ground more than upright so i figured i'd save my snowboarding debut for next time.
That's Kates and Ryan above. And below is the beautiful Perfect North Slopes. Only 4 and a half hours away. I promise it's more exciting than it appears in this picture. It kept us very well occupied for 2 full days.
That's right after we got there. can't you see the excitement?!?
The lone skier :)
And the cool kids.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
How We Do
I forget how amazing it is to sleep at a hotel. They have those black-out curtains. Last night was probably the best sleep I've had in a while. Could also have something to do with the fact that I was awake for almost 24 hours before I finally laid my poor worn-out body down. But you know, I think I'm actually pretty recovered from all of it.. and ready to go again!!
ok, let's Tarantino here for a minute.
Friday, 12:04 am:
I'm sitting in the living room with a good-sized handful of my favorite people in Nashville, if not the world. We're... well, um, pretty much doing nothing.. just "hanging out". A couple people don't live here and are leaving tomorrow so I'm spending time with them before they go. On TV some red-headed guy is maneuvering on a snowboard in a way i didn't know was possible. He captures the attention of the group and diverts conversation to "holy shit man!" and "daaaang!"
"Man, I wanna go snowboarding so bad! I'd stop drinking and leave right now.." Stephen's words are met with similar desire and then,
"let's go."
[pause]
Collective "Okay".
Okay then. We're all looking around to gauge each other's serious-ness and after a few, "wait, really? are we really gonna do this?" it becomes clear that we're not messing around. We're going snowboarding. tomorrow. There's only one thing to do in a moment when you've decided something like this.
Go to Wal-Mart.
Don't ask me why but that's the first thing that we did It was about 1 am by that time, and we had things to buy! gloves, a car-top carrier, food.. We couldn't really remember these things when we got there though and just felt a little confused about why that was our first reaction. It was like a damn commercial.
"Let's go skiing!"
"yay! now what?"
unison: "Wal-Mart!"
voice-over: "for all your winter-sport needs..."
Fast-forward a bit. Saturday 12:35pm.
See the bustling lodge, hear the pounding of heavy boots against wood-floor and feel the crisp air challenge your layers of long johns, turtle-neck, sweatshirt, jacket. Yeah, i think we know who's gonna win this one. But then, out of nowhere the sun takes the game as you shed your coat and fan your sweaty face.
Sunday 11:23 am.
I'm sitting in the lobby using the kindly provided computer (i think this marks the second time I've written from somewhere other than work). I'm wondering if I should wake everyone up.. I'm not sure what time we need to check out. My body doesn't feel quite as much like it's been hit by a train as i expected. Maybe just a bus. I think this was the best idea that we've ever had and feel pretty damn proud of us for making it happen. I'm out of coffee so I need to go grab some more. Then I think I'll wake everyone up and see if we can get this show on the road. We have more skiing/snowboarding to do. I'm the only skier in the group- but I'm injured.. That's another story... Dr. says, "ok so no physical activity for at LEAST a week, preferably 2".. and 5 days later, "does skiing count?" Anyway.. I need to use the restroom, get more coffee and get these people up.
ok, let's Tarantino here for a minute.
Friday, 12:04 am:
I'm sitting in the living room with a good-sized handful of my favorite people in Nashville, if not the world. We're... well, um, pretty much doing nothing.. just "hanging out". A couple people don't live here and are leaving tomorrow so I'm spending time with them before they go. On TV some red-headed guy is maneuvering on a snowboard in a way i didn't know was possible. He captures the attention of the group and diverts conversation to "holy shit man!" and "daaaang!"
"Man, I wanna go snowboarding so bad! I'd stop drinking and leave right now.." Stephen's words are met with similar desire and then,
"let's go."
[pause]
Collective "Okay".
Okay then. We're all looking around to gauge each other's serious-ness and after a few, "wait, really? are we really gonna do this?" it becomes clear that we're not messing around. We're going snowboarding. tomorrow. There's only one thing to do in a moment when you've decided something like this.
Go to Wal-Mart.
Don't ask me why but that's the first thing that we did It was about 1 am by that time, and we had things to buy! gloves, a car-top carrier, food.. We couldn't really remember these things when we got there though and just felt a little confused about why that was our first reaction. It was like a damn commercial.
"Let's go skiing!"
"yay! now what?"
unison: "Wal-Mart!"
voice-over: "for all your winter-sport needs..."
Fast-forward a bit. Saturday 12:35pm.
See the bustling lodge, hear the pounding of heavy boots against wood-floor and feel the crisp air challenge your layers of long johns, turtle-neck, sweatshirt, jacket. Yeah, i think we know who's gonna win this one. But then, out of nowhere the sun takes the game as you shed your coat and fan your sweaty face.
Sunday 11:23 am.
I'm sitting in the lobby using the kindly provided computer (i think this marks the second time I've written from somewhere other than work). I'm wondering if I should wake everyone up.. I'm not sure what time we need to check out. My body doesn't feel quite as much like it's been hit by a train as i expected. Maybe just a bus. I think this was the best idea that we've ever had and feel pretty damn proud of us for making it happen. I'm out of coffee so I need to go grab some more. Then I think I'll wake everyone up and see if we can get this show on the road. We have more skiing/snowboarding to do. I'm the only skier in the group- but I'm injured.. That's another story... Dr. says, "ok so no physical activity for at LEAST a week, preferably 2".. and 5 days later, "does skiing count?" Anyway.. I need to use the restroom, get more coffee and get these people up.
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