Emotional Allergies

"It's almost like you're hiding something in plain sight... you're putting your feelings out there, but people are really only picking up on their own."

-My bff-eva, Heather Smith, hitting the nail on the head in describing the intimacy of songwriting in her first ever interview! (thanks for putting that into words! you are so right!) Read more charm, brilliance and wit here. (this is actually quite funny to me because i'm pretty sure she's the only one that reads this.)


So good mornian everyone. That's how Jay Z says good morning to Beyonce. I'm pretty sure. Well, I have some news to report. Last night, Ol' Boy and I broke up on disappointingly mutual terms. Apparently he didn't realize that you're not supposed to give up something like this so easily [points up and down at self]. But I've always known he has a lot to learn. I just hope it doesn't hit him to hard when he realizes what he's done. For me though, it's definitely a good thing. Truth is, I really don't date very much, therefore, I don't break up very much and you know what? It kinda sucks. It's like someone took all my least favorite emotions and made prison mush out of them and then made me eat it. And then I choked on it. Ok maybe not the choking.. i mean lets be honest i'm not that upset. You know when something happens that you expect to be upset about and so you kinda brace yourself for the emotions? you let it settle for a moment and you think "am i gonna cry about this?"... and waiting... welp, guess not. too bad.. that coulda been a good cry. oh well.. oh yay there's a top model marathon on! yeah you know that whole deal. But even though I couldn't care enough to cry, there was still this annoying pressure- like emotional allergies. I'm functional but annoyed.
I also have this little problem called being extremely competitive. This is a strange and interesting factor when it comes to relationships because it gives a feeling of failure in a situation like this. And when i feel like I've failed I have to try again. I have to fix it and I have to win. That was a strange sensation while trying to wallow in break up self pity- feeling like going out, getting another one, and trying again. I'm a weird one. That desire is mostly gone today, thank God. I am feeling relieved of that stressful and confusing relationship and delighted to be back on the field where I belong. Should be a good week.