God's Gift to the Financially-Challenged

oh my goodness, I'll geeking out about this website. Pretty sure it's gonna change my life.
www.mint.com
(also a Glamour Magazine Sept. 2009 find..)

Breaking Down and Rebuilding

Shortly after that last post I had a little bit of a break down. I think you could call it that. It started coming on one evening slowly. I couldn't tell exactly what I was feeling. I was stressed and irritable and frustrated but I couldn't pinpoint a cause. Then, that night, the floodgates opened and I realised- that's all I really needed, a good cry. It was such a release. And a relief! My poor boyfriend though.. probably thought I was crazy.. Normally I prefer to have my emotional breakdowns in private but hey, what can you do? Thank goodness he loves me :)

I'm very focused and driven most of the time. I'm very goal-oriented. But I think everyone just gets weighed down from time to time. I am working very hard right now on a lot of different things- I'm painting (just sold my first 2 paintings last week), working on music with my sister (just played our first show last weekend), working 3 days a week at the only job thats making me a steady, though meager, income, and working/interning 2 days for an interior designer. I am also trying to devote some time to making clothes which has been something I've wanted to do for a while now. Then of course there's the new relationship and well, just life- I haven't worked out in I-don't-know-how-long and my house is a mess. BUT, I'm not complaining because this is a decision that I made- to go for it all at once- and I know my hard work will pay off, it already has begun to. I will say that having to ignore calls from collection agencies because I know I don't have a dime to give them, avoiding cops on the road because my tags have been expired since April, and borrowing money from my dad to get my phone service reconnected on top off all of this- not fun. I just get tired sometimes. I get tired of working my ass off and still being ass-broke. *sigh* But I know this is just a phase of my life and I will reap the benefits of my investments sooner or later. My vote is for sooner.

Anyway, I am feeling energized again after my little episode of exhaustion and I'm ready to hit the ground running.

*** I actually wrote this post last week but my computer here at work sucks and so it wouldn't post. So I had saved it to try again later. Today it worked but now its outdated. So just know that a couple things have changed- I got a little money, got my tags renewed, sold another painting (to my mom, but still..) and am generally just feeling better about life.

Brilliance

So, I was talking with this girl yesterday and together we happened upon brilliance. sheer brilliance. Here is our idea:

Rent is a big waste of money right? What if, for the spring/summer season- or whenever the weather is nice- you lived out of your car? It's so nice outside and just 4 months of not paying rent would pay of one of my biggest debts! 4 months may be a little long but even 2 months would cut it in half. Or, if you didn't have debt, you could quickly save up for something, or jump start your savings, OR even save up a chunk to start investing! Then you could just keep growing this small amount of money (if you knew what you were doing) and become rich and people would ask you how you did it and you would say: I slept in my car for the summer.



I've taken this idea and thought about how I could adapt the concept to something a little more realistic for my life. That would be a combination of living in my parents garage, couch-surfing, and sleeping in my car. I think doing this from, say, April to June (or even July) would be reasonable. You couldn't really tell people what you are doing; you'd have to make it seem like you were in between houses or something, or they may feel it is unfair for them to be paying rent and you sleeping on their couch for free. I think I know enough people though that the couch part would be very spread out and no one would feel like I was abusing their generosity. Here's a more detailed plan: I move out and ask my parents if I can keep some stuff in their garage. Hopefully they say yes but I can also rent a storage unit for some of my furniture (this may come in handy for sleeping one day), I would inform my parents of my plan and offer my services as a babysitter and random task do-er in exchange for them putting up with my silly plan. They should be ok with this because they are among those that will be paid back. One of the things that I thought would be an issue would be my keyboard- i have to have a place to write music and practice. This is solved by leaving it set up in the garage where I would practice with my drummer who just happens to be my step-dad. bam. I keep a suitcase in the car so that I have what I need wherever I end up spending the night. I would join the YMCA which would only be like $20 a month cause I make jack shit. I could shower and change and stuff there. Here is an example of what a typical week would look like for me: Monday: work til 5, volunteer to babysit for my parents earning me a night's stay (indoors!) and a meal. Tuesday: breakfast at mom's, run errands, go shopping with the money that i'm not paying in rent (just kidding, that money is all going towards productive things, plus- i have no closet), go to a show or something fun, sleep in my car. Wednesday: get up early and go to the gym, shower and dress for work there, go to work, get off work at 5, go hang out with Pricilla and crash at her place. Thursday: roam around during the day, take my laptop to Fido, get work done, and back to the rents' house that night, practice some music and sleep in the garage. Friday: go to work, off at 5, and party! The possibilities are endless for the weekend. It's entirely acceptable to crash at a party site so if there's a fun party going on then I'd do that. There's also camping which is fun, or visiting someone in a close-by city. Weekends are also a good time to go play some shows outside of Nashville. Saturday: continue with fun weekend plans. stay at some one's house, or in car. Sunday: church, go out to lunch, hang out at the park, gym for shower, dinner at parents and sleep in the garage or the car.

See? Piece of cake! And the best part of it all- my life becomes quite exciting!

Here's the biggest problem with making this a reality: My lease is up in October.. Not the best time to do this kind of this cause it will be getting cold- summer is definitely the best. I couldn't sign a short enough lease to be out in time for the next summer though.. herein lies the biggest glitch in the fantastically flawless plan. So, what may end up happening is that I just do it for the month of October until the garage gets too cold. That's better than nothing and I could still save a good 800 bucks.

I hope you don't think I'm kidding. No, I'm gonna do it. And it will be awesome.

blah blah blah (The 'Monday's on a Wednesday)

First of all, I'd like to say that I don't get Twitter. Someone please enlighten me. I just don't know what it is or does. thanks.

Next, I'd really like to be in my bed right now. Oh how I would like to be sleeping instead of sitting at this desk. The damn phone is ringing off the hook. Someone just kill me now. It's gonna be one of those days. For sure.

Well, I guess I should take advantage of this mood and the rain and go for a little rant. does that sound like fun? It does to me. Ok, what shall we rant about today? Oh I know. Ok. This boy. I suppose we are dating, or something. He confuses and frustrates me. I like him, but I'm still waiting for something. Some romance. Something to make me feel giddy. I guess I should just let it go shouldn't I? I mean, 2 months and I'm still trying to coax some sparks out of wet matches. Still, its teetering on the edge and I can't make myself just give up on it just yet, even though it's clearly lacking. It's like searching for a word thats on the tip of your tongue. Yes, it's just like that, and just as frustrating. But it's just right there and you know you're about to think of it! You see, I enjoy hanging out with him, I like things about him, and who [I think] he is, but it doesn't feel like how I think it should, or how it has felt in the past. I suppose someone reading this would be like, um, obviously it's not working and you need to move on, but you don't understand... it's really on the tip of my tongue! That's the best description I can think of. It's so close and I'm not ready to give up on it. (I just re-read this and I would like to go back and touch on the "something to make me feel giddy" part.) You see, I felt that in the beginning. I was super excited when I met him and I was all about it. I was ready to dive in- I wanted to find out who he was and where he came from and share things with him and just, well, you know, fall.. That's how I am- I'm an artist, I am passionate, I am obsessive. If I hear a song I like, I will listen to it on repeat literally for days. One song. Over and over. When I see something I like- I- I love it! I mean I go crazy for it! (The Notebook, anyone?) Anyways, that's how I am but he's obviously not that way. When the initially appealing formality of the first date continued through the next couple weeks, my passion began to feel incredibly suppressed by what was turning into cordial monotony. He's.. not as alive as I would like. Maybe I can wake him up. Even as I write this I am torn directly down the middle. directly. I keep expecting one side to take over but I am rewarded no clarity. none. Something will have to give eventually right? Maybe being in the middle is just as well as hating the guy. Who wants to be in the middle when it comes to love? But what is the force making me hang on, just to see? just in case.

Moving on to other things. I had some strange dreams last night.. I don't really feel like trying to recount... It would be very hard to describe. Aaron was in it though, he was home for a couple days. And there was a very strange part with two different old flames.. They kept sort of switching places.. thats all that is really translatable (is that a word?)

I finished a painting yesterday.. wanna see? Ok, here it is-



It's charcoal and acrylic.. from an old photograph of my grandmother.

Over share of the day: So, fiber is good for you right? digestive system.. all that good stuff. Well, let me tell you, I don't usually drink coffee- I normally go for tea. Some days, however, like today, just require it. I take 2 sips though and I'm in the bathroom. I mean, if you wanna talk about digestive health? Coffee really does the job, when it comes to cleaning me out. haha. ok, I'm done.

You know one song that DOES NOT get old to me? Imogen Heap, Hide and Seek. I know its on every indie soundtrack ever and I've heard it millions of times (it was one of those that i played on repeat for probly a week straight)- but I still absolutely love it. I am listening to a mix I made probly a year ago. A mix for when I wanted to mope about lost love. I'm not moping about lost love today I just really like a lot of the songs on it. It has Hide And Seek as well as some other gems such as You Are Mine by MuteMath, The Special Two by.. (oh what's her name.. can't think of it), I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon.. something (damnit, i'm not doing very well on this..) Anyway.. oh yeah- Heath! Brandon Heath. good song. Oh and The Astronaut Suit, 40 days, check it out.

I feel especially suppressed today. I generally feel that way, just kinda as a rule. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I'll try and explain. I feel like a caged animal. haha, no really! There is this crazy aimless-earth-roaming hippie inside of me that is so squelched its almost painful sometimes.. I don't really know what to do about it. I am trying to make things happen in my life, but in order to do that I can't appease my whims to just get up and go. I am working, to pay off debt, and try to save money, and pursue things that I think will eventually appease my appetite- in the proper way. The proper way being something like getting my shit together and taking my music on the road, or getting a song cut so that I am financially free to do some of the things that I want. You know, just generally making a living doing something that I actually care about and something that is actually lasting. (re-reading to make sure any of this makes any sense at all.... ok, let me try again-)
Examples of what I want to do: 1. Get in my car and drive to Louisiana and to meet up with Aaron and then go with him to NY- just for the hell of it. 2. Take all my money and buy a ticket to Ireland and go hang out with Kacie. 3. Drive to Texas. 4. Sell my shit and start wandering around.
What I need to be doing/what I will do instead: 1. Continue sitting here, racking up the $12/hour. 2. Go home and write songs, practice and work. 3. Stay home and save my money.
Someday it will pay off. I will be financially free to do what I want and I can roam the earth without being a homeless person. Maybe I can do some good while I'm at it (have you noticed how much fun I am having with the italics today?)

Ok, you see why this post is entitled 'Blah Blah Blah'? Cause I am definitely blah blah blah-ing today. But its actually really making me feel a lot better. Very therapeutic- this whole writing my thoughts and feelings thing. Thank you for listening, Blogspot.

money money money money

I suppose I'm not the only one trying to save money and cut back on spending in a time like this but this is no new trick for me. We artists are used to income that is only dependable in the fact that is low. It's ok. We just earn here and spend there and maybe save a little here. I'm proud to say, though, and speaking very generally of course, that we do know how to enjoy life. We've decided to sacrifice certain things because we want our lives filled with inspiration and beauty. Or perhaps it was a decision made for us when we simply weren't blessed with the money-managing skills but instead with a set of useless beautifying tricks. Ok, yes, I'm just talking about myself. So this is where I am and this is where I have been. I go through the phases- 2 jobs, 1 job, busy, lazy, productive, spending, hoarding, saving- but I haven't given up finding a beautifully happy medium where I live at peace with my creative soul as well as the creditors. I am now in the verge of what I believe may be that very happy place. Here's what happened:

A couple months ago, I was working steady two part time jobs, making enough money to live on with minimal stress (for a frame of reference, that was no more than $2000 a month). I was fired from one job right before Christmas, leaving working 24 hours a week at an office and bringing home about $1000 a month. My being let go had nothing to do with the economy and I could get another restaurant job easily, i'm sure, if i were to look. I wrote what happened earlier if you wanna read what happened.. just some bullshit. Anyway, I really enjoyed having more time to spend with all the family that came into town and getting to be a part of all the fun Holiday events, including New Year's Eve which I would have had to work. As the holiday season settled down like confetti, I braced myself for what I knew would come as the last remnants of full time employment trickled away. I feel as if I am hinging on with one hand as a storm blows by. I can see the end and I just have to hang on! You see, my car, which represents a substantial portion of my bills, will be paid off in mere weeks and I have also been getting some vocal work here and there which could increase to a small but significant income supplement and with hard work, self-control, and creativity I could live on only this one job! Why is that so important you ask? Well, I will tell you. My eyes have been opened since being fired. I have made new friends, been there for people when they needed someone, supported my friends' art, written more, read more, gotten involved and actually met people at my church, I've been creating more art, and most importantly been making A LOT of progress with my music! This is what my life is about. If the trade-off is that i get to go to my friend's show but I can't drink at it cause i don't have any money, well, that's perfectly fine! I'll take it! Or maybe I get to spend the day writing music at home, but that means I can't go to the movies. No problem! However, these scenarios will quickly turn into ones such as: Can't pay my rent cause I had to fix my tire. You see, where the barely hanging on image shows up. But I have a newly strengthened will to live the life that is barely visible through the swirl of this financial storm: a life lived fully yet creatively within my means while building and aiming for a bright future. (haha that sounded like some sort of purpose statement or something..)

Wow, I'm long-winded today. I apologize to all two of you reading this. All of this has really been on my mind though lately. I just feel that I am in a very defining, pivotal, significant moment as far as this stuff goes right now, with being fired and being left with one job that is sooo close to enough and one that I actually like, and with my car about to be paid off and with so much happening with my music that I really need time for and then on top of all that, check this out. I never get to go to church things (or rather used to never get to) but I went to a group the other day for college age kids that was going to be discussing 'busy-ness'. I was actually a little bit disappointed when I heard the topic because i thought, 'I'm the least busy that I've been in a long time, this won't really apply to me', but I went to socialize and meet people from my church. I actually ended up getting a ton out of it! What I took was actually more of a look at values than busy-ness. Since that discussion I have been exploring the questioning of standards like 40 hour work weeks and week long vacations and credit cards and laziness. Am I lazy if I actually get enough sleep every night? Am I lazy if I only work 24 hours a week? Am I lazy to actually break on the weekend? Is a business man lazy if he leaves work everyday to eat dinner with his family? I think it's smart to take a look and perhaps readjust our American programming to line up with what's really important in life and that is people.

My goodness, I am the queen of tangents. What I intended on saying was a much more concise note of my strong desire to and need to save money in order to protect my precious freedom. Something like: Since having a significant portion of my income detached, instead of trying to repair the hole, I am adjusting my life in an attempt to fill the time instead of pass the time- to fill my life instead of watch it pass me by. Time that would be spent aimlessly earning money to essentially throw away will be creatively enjoyed with people that I love, doing things that lift my soul. I also wanted to pass along some moolah-saving tricks I've come across in my research.

Of course there are the usual things, most of which are old news to me: pack your lunch for work, do your own mani's, buy boxed wine (i promise it's not that bad), trade a night out for a game night or movie night in, coupons, generic products, matinees, craigslist (I'm an addict), etc... But let's dig a little deeper. This is what I call "How to Live on Love":

I bought $16 worth of groceries today and I am determined for them to last me 3 weeks. How do I plan on doing this? Well, I bought really cheap cans of soup and black beans, a bag of apples, saltine crackers, tuna and brown rice- not the instant kind, oatmeal- not the individual packets, and at home I think I have a little bit of pasta, potatoes and condiments. I am going to visit my parents for dinner often, attend evening events with food (church things, parties, etc), take free food whenever offered, only drink free alcohol, and take tea from work (ok, that's a little wrong..) and not munch just for the hell of it (which will also be good for my figure). If I have to go out to eat (maybe like a birthday or something) I'll pre-eat and then eat the free rolls or chips! (also just a tiny bit wrong) And if anyone has left-overs they are not taking, I will unashamedly box that shit up.
I am going to get very creative with how I hang out with friends. For example,
friend: Hey wanna get coffee?
me: Why don't we make some at my house and sit out on the balcony?
friend: wow! you're so creatively frugal!
Or when I'm bored and i call Aaron and he comes over and we watch TV for a little bit and then say what do you wanna do? i don't have any money. yeah, me neither. hmm.. I wil suggest that we just take a couple cds and go drive to the park or somewhere and sit in the car and listen to them. Or have some people over to play cards. And when the weather gets nice there will be even more possibilities! I used to do a lot of fun free things like sneak into pools at night and stuff. I guess those things are childish but we used to have fun! haha
The other day i hung out with my brother and his gf and Aaron and we made stuff out of beads.. random.. but fun! anyway, you can see some of the ways i want to be more creative with my recreational time.
Other ways to save money are go here, take free things, move to another country, always think twice before purchasing (Do I really need this? How could I get it for free or at least cheaper?), make stuff-i make my clothes and furniture (but I'm pretty crafty), go to house parties instead of out to a bar, look in the paper for free events, garage sales, waste your time writing the longest post ever, work out/run outside instead of the gym,
Basically my goal is to not spend any money at all, except for bills and food and gas. That's not entirely possible but it makes it way more likely that i will spend next to nothing. I'll keep you updated on how it's going.