Happy Things

My BFFWB and I drove a Uhaul from Louisiana to TN yesterday and it was glorious. Glorious I tell you. Not only am I pretty sure I could scoop poop all day with him and still have the best day of my life but we spent a good 5 hours coming up with and discussing a brilliant plan. I can't say much (actually I could but it feels very important to pretend its some sort of secret- heather, call me) but I will tell you it involves music, a video camera, and Europe.
So, as far as music goes, that is what I am working towards. It doesn't change much of what I was already focusing on with Trudy Chase. We are still working on getting a good set solidified and getting our musicians together, booking some shows and getting merch. Now we just add to that saving for a trip to Europe.

Other happy things from this past week include spending the weekend in New Orleans (hence the driving back from New Orleans) and some delicious developments with the job situation.

First of all- New Orleans was an amazing time.

What a cool city. It certainly has a dark side though. You can feel it. It's like that hot guy with the bad boy image, only he ain't no James Dean, he's the real deal, he's real trouble. That's N'awlins. But hey, one night can't do any harm huh? We went down to Bourbon Street on Saturday night. We had some absolutely sinful Cajun food and daiquiris and sang karaoke.. it was delightful. Then, Sunday, we spent by the pool until it got too hot and we went out for [veggie] burgers and chocolate shakes. When we got back, Aaron and I watched the sun fade, reducing the color palate of our world to blue and gold. Then at the exact right moment, we were showered with one of those perfect southern summer storms. We watched the rain and then went and got some beer. Perfect little mini-vacation.

On the job front, I put together my portfolio and showed my boss and she loved it! LOVED it! So what started as an "internship" and then turned into my training for a position as "art consultant" has now become "Katie, I'm going to try and use your art in every one of my jobs. And if I need something that you don't have, I'll just have you paint it. Let's see, this one we'll price at $600.. this one $800.. this one, hm, about $1200.." HA! yessssss!!!! So, now it's time to paint paint paint paint paint cause I gots some money to make!

I can't remember what all I've put up here but here's one I've recently finished:

That is one of the ones for sale (anyone?? ha) It's actually a pretty difficult thing to start selling these peices.. I love them all! I decided to keep one though. I'm keeping my favorite one. But it will still be hard to see the ones of my sister and my grandma go.. I really honestly can't think about it too much. In fact I'm going to stop talking about it right now.


So, in conclusion, happy freakin times up in here.







Oh and one last thing...



:)

Emotional Allergies

"It's almost like you're hiding something in plain sight... you're putting your feelings out there, but people are really only picking up on their own."

-My bff-eva, Heather Smith, hitting the nail on the head in describing the intimacy of songwriting in her first ever interview! (thanks for putting that into words! you are so right!) Read more charm, brilliance and wit here. (this is actually quite funny to me because i'm pretty sure she's the only one that reads this.)


So good mornian everyone. That's how Jay Z says good morning to Beyonce. I'm pretty sure. Well, I have some news to report. Last night, Ol' Boy and I broke up on disappointingly mutual terms. Apparently he didn't realize that you're not supposed to give up something like this so easily [points up and down at self]. But I've always known he has a lot to learn. I just hope it doesn't hit him to hard when he realizes what he's done. For me though, it's definitely a good thing. Truth is, I really don't date very much, therefore, I don't break up very much and you know what? It kinda sucks. It's like someone took all my least favorite emotions and made prison mush out of them and then made me eat it. And then I choked on it. Ok maybe not the choking.. i mean lets be honest i'm not that upset. You know when something happens that you expect to be upset about and so you kinda brace yourself for the emotions? you let it settle for a moment and you think "am i gonna cry about this?"... and waiting... welp, guess not. too bad.. that coulda been a good cry. oh well.. oh yay there's a top model marathon on! yeah you know that whole deal. But even though I couldn't care enough to cry, there was still this annoying pressure- like emotional allergies. I'm functional but annoyed.
I also have this little problem called being extremely competitive. This is a strange and interesting factor when it comes to relationships because it gives a feeling of failure in a situation like this. And when i feel like I've failed I have to try again. I have to fix it and I have to win. That was a strange sensation while trying to wallow in break up self pity- feeling like going out, getting another one, and trying again. I'm a weird one. That desire is mostly gone today, thank God. I am feeling relieved of that stressful and confusing relationship and delighted to be back on the field where I belong. Should be a good week.

A couple things

First of all, my stitches come out this afternoon and I'm a little nervous for several reasons. 1) It doesn't seem like they're ready to come out. It looks the same and it still hurts and is very sensitive. 2) I'm afraid they will somehow be able to tell that I didn't follow the rules.. "what in the world have you been doing?? this looks horrible! You didn't do any physical activity did you?!?" 3) I can't see completely cause it's on my back, but it almost looks like skin has grown over one of the stitches. That's gross and seems like it could be a problem in getting them out.. Yikes! In general, I'm just worried cause I don't know what it's supposed to look like, feel like, etc. so for all i know it could be healing terribly! I'm sure it's fine though.. I think.. anyway, I guess we'll find out at 2:40 today.


So, that last post was just a silly little "poem" that I wrote just now cause i was thinking about that phrase "get your hopes up" and how descriptive it is. How it feels like you're holding a big helium balloon and if you let it go, its all over, there's no bringing it back down. You know the feeling. Maybe there's a possibility of a promotion and you find yourself picturing it and then you tell yourself to stop cause you'll get too excited and possibly dissappointed. OR, and this is what actually spurred the thought for me, maybe there's a guy... :) (or girl) And maybe they said something that made your mind want to race down the path of what-ifs and picture things you shouldn't picture and imagine things you shouldn't imagine.. But you're holding that balloon tight, checking thoughts that start to head in that direction. You're doing so well, you're so even, level, in control and then- something happens- a word, a touch, a thought- that tips the scale and trips your feet and find yourself lying on the ground, empty handed, watching those hopes float up and up and up and out of sight and you know that there is no recovering from this now. You're in. You see it. You want it. You can taste it. But you don't have it. Yet. You just really HOPE it happens.


The last thing that I wanted to write about today is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I've written bits about it before. It's one of those situations that you ask advice on but no one can advise you. There is no correct answer or formula to follow for the best possible results. If any answer exists it is within you and no one else can find it. Some of my cousil though has led me to a point where i think i want to write a letter. I've heard its good to write a letter without the intent to send it, just to get it out. I wrote another post before called "Two Letters" where I tried to do that. But now i feel like i need to revise it. (The first letter of that post, by the way, i sent. no reply. i think that is a good enough response.)
SO, let's brainstorm, what do i want to say to him...

I think about you all the time. I have still not met anyone like you. I want to know that you are happy and that you don't think about me. If that's true, then i'll let this go.

That's simple, but i really think thats it. i need closure. I don't want to say i need closure though, cause i don't want it to be closed, sometimes i just want it to be reopened..

I'm sorry this isn't making a lot of sense probably. this is a therapeutic post. i'm trying to just splatter feelings and thoughts across the page just to get them out. see what they look like. They look like splatter.

Better Not Pout

This is the post my pride doesn't want me to write. This is the toddler tantrum welling up inside of me. This is the statement that warrants a "well, life isn't fair." This is a curve in the vicious circle. Another curve to wind it tighter until it spins like a top. The kind with the psychedelic spiral that moves in and out as it dances on the table like a 19 year-old with a fake ID. This kind of pouting gets coal.

With that said, I fold my arms, protrude my bottom lip and commence my shameless kicking and screaming.

'Tis the season, I hear. Frosty weather bids warm bodies huddle together. Cozy fires illuminate faces already blurred by eggnog and other "Christmas spirits", and the mistletoe hangs in the doorway as a perpetual catalyst. An accomplice, no doubt, of that little winged son-of-a-bitch, out making pre-season preparations.

It all evades me.

This is fine though. I enjoy balancing the one who has no balls with the one who can't keep it in his pants. Between the two of them, I stay pretty occupied. Occupied with banging my head against the wall. Unfortunately, even with this occupation I have miraculously found time to notice all the happy couples swarming around me. What a joyous time of year. Allow me to paint for you a picture of the disastrous love-flood of 2008.

First, my brother- why, he's just so smitten. She, of course, is glowing like she captured a firefly and wiped its butt all over her face. Then there's Sergio and Loni (I've changed the names to both make me sound like I have exotic friends and to pretend like anyone reads this or cares) So Sergio and Loni were engaged only a short while ago but tragically ended it in tears. Don't worry though, they're ok now and both in love again! Can you believe it? It's a Christmas miracle!! Gosh, I'm so happy for them. Then there's Jaunita. She's hardly finished with her divorce and already, wait for it.. She's found another! And, by golly, they're just so so damn happy. So happy together. Then, last night I'm at a party and I see my friend Rufus. He's not with Tamika though.. hmm, that's peculiar, they've been together for like 3 years.. who is this impostor? So, I get the scoop and apparently they went their separate ways an amount of time ago best expressed in weeks and you'll never believe it but they are both blissfully happy with their new special friend. yep. wow, what a blessing for them. (by the way, if you are picking up on the sarcasm here, you should feel about as proud as you feel about knowing your ABCs, it's pretty dense) Do I need to keep going? Love is so thick in the air, I'm swimming. No, drowning. Cupid's really gotten greedy this time. I'm sure this will have drastic effects on the economy of love. The amount of new relationships being created is just obscene and I am bracing myself for the effects if this inflation. Terrance has a new gal. Payton is engaged!! Esmarelda has never been happier. Josie is having a fantasy New Year's Eve wedding. Hector is seeing his wildest dreams come true and Sheila is, omigosh, like, so, like, like, so, like happy. Like, oh my gosh, like, kill me.

I'm pretty sure it's been about 2 years since I've been in an actual relationship and what I've found since then has been: 1 cute but unavailable, 2 nice but um, yeah, no. A few "well that was fun, see ya later"s, and a couple "hmmm, this could be good, maybe this cou- ok, guess not.." All topped off with 1 completely perfect who's now engaged to not-me.

If this pouting does indeed find me coals on Christmas morn, I will hide on the tops of buildings and chuck them at happy couples passing below.