Monday, February 23, 2009
Well I was thoroughly entertained...
Things that I loved about the 2009 Academy Awards:
1. Beyonce + Wolverine = What my life has been missing.
2. Beyonce working "At Last" into the medley. You tell her, Bouncy.
3. Whoever went to the shot of Brad and Angelina while Jenifer Aniston was presenting. Wow, really?? Gotta love the plastered, awkward, I-know-everyone-is-looking-at-us smiles.
4. "Domo Arigato Mr. Robato". yes.
1. Beyonce + Wolverine = What my life has been missing.
2. Beyonce working "At Last" into the medley. You tell her, Bouncy.
3. Whoever went to the shot of Brad and Angelina while Jenifer Aniston was presenting. Wow, really?? Gotta love the plastered, awkward, I-know-everyone-is-looking-at-us smiles.
4. "Domo Arigato Mr. Robato". yes.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Nemo
I'm a vegetarian. But I'm a bad vegetarian. I am kinda lax on fish. When I first became a veg, I didn't eat fish but slowly I started eating it again here and there. The reasons for this are that cans of tuna are cheap and i'm broke. It also opens up options for eating out and at people's houses. I don't eat much at all other than those few times though. My sister is a vegan. She sent me this today. It's not as gross as other peta videos but still be careful if you have a weak stomach. For some reason I'm not that moved by the first section. Maybe it's unfair to feel bad for land animals and not for sea animals but it just doesn't get me as much. The second part (i think that's the part on your health..?) got me thinking though. I definitely have trouble with depression and as of late, trouble sleeping. And I realized, watching this video- and this may or may not be a coincidence- but I hadn't been buying tuna at all for several months until recently and I also had not had my typical minor depression bouts until recently. So I think I may try and go off fish just to see if it helps. Why not? I don't eat much of it anyway..
Monday, February 16, 2009
God is Real.
He is. Sorry if you don't want to believe it but its true. Spend any amount of time honestly looking and you will see. I've talked about what I am going through in my spiritual life in previous posts. I am basically searching for truth, reevaluating ideas that I've grown up with, refreshing my beliefs. I'm catching hollow phrases when they pop up as answers to important questions. Answers such as, "that's just not something we're meant to understand" or "Jesus said 'blessed are those who believe and have not seen' you doubting Thomas." While its true that we cannot understand everything in the world or about God, for the moment, and for the sake of my quest, I will not accept such answers. With that said, I am excited to tell you that I am making progress! Before last night I felt that I was only moving backward- the image of a kid trying to climb up the slide but skidding slowly backward instead to the squeak of skin on plastic- but thanks to a dear friend, who spent several hours talking with me, I have come to a fundamental realization. There is a God. He is here. He can interact with me. There is a spiritual realm. If you know me, you may say, "um, you've been a Christian for what? 15 years? and you are just now having a realization that there is a God?" Without spending much time on why I've decided to do so just understand it this way: I've thrown it all away and am starting with a clean slate. Whether there is a God and how interactive He is with me is the foundation. I need to believe it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I do believe it and I'm nearing the 'shadow of a doubt' place. Without going into too much detail on what he and I talked about and what was more specifically revealed to me, I'll tell you that God and I had a moment. But what really seals the deal is this. Last night when I was leaving his house, I backed into his sisters car. Then this morning, I missed my alarm, woke up at the time I'm supposed to leave my house, and my car wouldn't start; my friend came over to jump it but when she opened the hood, all that was wrong was that the connector was off of the battery thing (like my technical terms?). So I was late for work. When I got to work, I realized that left my breakfast and lunch which were in a bag. I met a friend for lunch and on the way back I was running late (my fault pretty much) and so I was speeding and got a ticket. Here is what I believe. I am learning some very important truths about God. I am learning to identify some very crippling lies. Someone does not want me to know these things. Someone does not want me to understand what it means to have a relationship with God. Unfortunately for them, I can see what is going on and the fact that i am upsetting them only lets me know I am getting ever closer to what I am looking for. I know God is real because my digging is causing a stir. My probing is making darkness uncomfortable. But I have nothing to feel because God is light. And light is, well, everything.
One more thought.. I just thought of this. Maybe this is a good comparison to my present Spiritual endeavor. Lets say you know conversational Spanish because you had a foreign exchange student come live with you. You even went to Mexico with him and visited his family. You could talk to everyone just fine but occasionally a phrase went over your head. Later you want to study and really know and understand the language. You want to know why certain things are conjugated in the different forms, you want to know where the language came from, what all the idioms and phrases mean. You want to know the language not just speak it. I want to know God, not just speak Christian.
That may not make sense to you. I sometimes think of really far-fetched analogies.. I always have actually. I learned to keep them to myself, though, after, in Sunday school, I compared God to the girl at school who had the perfect pony-tail and "as hard as I try I will never be like her. I just can't." "yeesss.... uh, that's right, Katie... um, yeah.." Well, it made sense to me!
Anyway, I learned so many things last night, I can't even begin to write them down. There is a lot of metal sorting out to be done. But I can tell you that God feels close and I like that.
One more thought.. I just thought of this. Maybe this is a good comparison to my present Spiritual endeavor. Lets say you know conversational Spanish because you had a foreign exchange student come live with you. You even went to Mexico with him and visited his family. You could talk to everyone just fine but occasionally a phrase went over your head. Later you want to study and really know and understand the language. You want to know why certain things are conjugated in the different forms, you want to know where the language came from, what all the idioms and phrases mean. You want to know the language not just speak it. I want to know God, not just speak Christian.
That may not make sense to you. I sometimes think of really far-fetched analogies.. I always have actually. I learned to keep them to myself, though, after, in Sunday school, I compared God to the girl at school who had the perfect pony-tail and "as hard as I try I will never be like her. I just can't." "yeesss.... uh, that's right, Katie... um, yeah.." Well, it made sense to me!
Anyway, I learned so many things last night, I can't even begin to write them down. There is a lot of metal sorting out to be done. But I can tell you that God feels close and I like that.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Who is Sylvia Fairfax?
 | Sylvia+Fairfax took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."
|
*Some of this is true, but not the part about holding back emotionally or being very sensitive.. I really don't think I would ever describe myself as sensitive..
**Oh and Sylvia Fairfax is my new alter ego.
How Sweet
I am exceptionally bored today. I'll pretend for the sake of this post that I don't know why. Must be something to do with Friday the 13th... Maybe I should watch a scary movie at my desk today! I tried to read. I can't focus on my book. I started reading this book months ago and it just couldn't hold my attention so I abandoned it for a while. I hate not finishing books though; i feel like they hang in the back of my mind. So I picked it up again a couple days ago and I still cannot seem to keep it going. I wouldn't say its boring... exactly.. but, um, maybe a little. yeah it's kinda boring. I have to finish it though. Today is not the day, however. I feel like a 6 year old with ADD. Normally writing is the one thing that I can get lost in and reach that happy "where did the time go" place. So here's hoping. (so far it's been.. 3 minutes. hmm.)
My friend, Lauren, who lives down the street from my old residence, called yesterday and said that she saw a cat that looked like Sylvia. Remember Sylvie? I haven't talked about her in a while but I still really miss her. I lost her shortly after moving to my new place. As I was going through the process of trying to find her, I heard all the pet-loss success and failure stories. "My cat came home after 6 months!" "Mine was stuck under the house for a week!" I heard that sometimes cats get lost in new surroundings and actually find their way back to the old house! So, I posted the signs, went to the shelters, searched the streets: no Sylvie. There was only so much that could be done. I do miss her. I promise I'm not like Angela on the office, but I really liked her. She was my little grey buddy! Anyway, Lauren said she saw a cat that looked like her but couldn't catch her. Now I've got it in my head that she found her way all the way back to East Nashville and right to my old street. I wonder though, if she was that close, why wouldn't she show up at the old house? My friends still live there and would recognize her. Hmm... up til now I had assumed that she was taken in by someone because she has no collar and is so sweet and friendly. I'd just be elated if I were to find her. Here's hoping.
I'm very happy right now. It actually makes me nervous how well things are going. First of all, Trudy Chase is moving along. We are practicing with both pianos now and can see the road very clearly. It's just a matter of taking the steps one by one, but we know we'll get there. It's very exciting to me. Musically, its exactly what I want to be doing and what I've wanted to be doing for a long time. I've finally put my finger on it. Also, in spite of myself I must mention, there's a man that has just come into my life that seems too good to be real. I like my job, for what it is. I am pleased with my daily life- happy to actually have time. Of course, I don't have any money but I don't care. I am more excited to be available to help my friends and family, to create art regularly, to participate in people's lives. It's satisfying me immensely in this time of my life. (And as a little side-note/update, my car is officially paid off TODAY!) I am happy. It makes me nervous. I am fighting with the fear (and the lie) that God will take things from me in order for me to "grow", or because it's not fair for so many people to be suffering and for me to be happy, or because that's just the way this roller coaster of a life goes.
The perception of God- that he wants to 'teach me a lesson'- is one of many I have that am reviewing and reforming. I've grown up being taught many things about the Creator. Many ideas have been ingrained in me so deeply that they would be the lines in a fingerprint of my soul. But now, at 23, I want to open myself up, untangle some of the webbings of who I am, sand away some of the callous and nourish my childishness. Who is God? Who do I believe him to be now, as an adult? One of the major issues that I am addressing is free will vs. free choice. In my opinion, this has a lot to do with who He is in my life.
I was recently presented with some information that almost literally shook my spiritual foundation. For a moment I felt like the walls were collapsing. Calling my mom for comfort only supported the likening of God to a baby blanket. I felt like a child- not in a barefoot, mud pie kinda way, but the way that I felt the night I got lost on my bike and it got dark. Terror and confusion. I was able to calm myself with reassuring logic (which is somewhat ironic) and can say that only a few of the shakers persist. There is a heaviness that remains, however, as aftermath, and a tenderness in certain places that I won't ignore. I have a few books in line to follow The Case For Christ, including one that will be quite opposite. But in my quest for truth I think it will be important to challenge myself with opposing views. Or maybe I just learned a lesson from how easily my foundation shook. To be honest, and I hate to conclude this way, but I've lost focus because someone just gave me the hugest cupcake I've ever had and a few finger-fulls of icing has my mind already going numb from the sugar. I'll have to continue on this subject later.
I think I just got a cavity.
My friend, Lauren, who lives down the street from my old residence, called yesterday and said that she saw a cat that looked like Sylvia. Remember Sylvie? I haven't talked about her in a while but I still really miss her. I lost her shortly after moving to my new place. As I was going through the process of trying to find her, I heard all the pet-loss success and failure stories. "My cat came home after 6 months!" "Mine was stuck under the house for a week!" I heard that sometimes cats get lost in new surroundings and actually find their way back to the old house! So, I posted the signs, went to the shelters, searched the streets: no Sylvie. There was only so much that could be done. I do miss her. I promise I'm not like Angela on the office, but I really liked her. She was my little grey buddy! Anyway, Lauren said she saw a cat that looked like her but couldn't catch her. Now I've got it in my head that she found her way all the way back to East Nashville and right to my old street. I wonder though, if she was that close, why wouldn't she show up at the old house? My friends still live there and would recognize her. Hmm... up til now I had assumed that she was taken in by someone because she has no collar and is so sweet and friendly. I'd just be elated if I were to find her. Here's hoping.
I'm very happy right now. It actually makes me nervous how well things are going. First of all, Trudy Chase is moving along. We are practicing with both pianos now and can see the road very clearly. It's just a matter of taking the steps one by one, but we know we'll get there. It's very exciting to me. Musically, its exactly what I want to be doing and what I've wanted to be doing for a long time. I've finally put my finger on it. Also, in spite of myself I must mention, there's a man that has just come into my life that seems too good to be real. I like my job, for what it is. I am pleased with my daily life- happy to actually have time. Of course, I don't have any money but I don't care. I am more excited to be available to help my friends and family, to create art regularly, to participate in people's lives. It's satisfying me immensely in this time of my life. (And as a little side-note/update, my car is officially paid off TODAY!) I am happy. It makes me nervous. I am fighting with the fear (and the lie) that God will take things from me in order for me to "grow", or because it's not fair for so many people to be suffering and for me to be happy, or because that's just the way this roller coaster of a life goes.
The perception of God- that he wants to 'teach me a lesson'- is one of many I have that am reviewing and reforming. I've grown up being taught many things about the Creator. Many ideas have been ingrained in me so deeply that they would be the lines in a fingerprint of my soul. But now, at 23, I want to open myself up, untangle some of the webbings of who I am, sand away some of the callous and nourish my childishness. Who is God? Who do I believe him to be now, as an adult? One of the major issues that I am addressing is free will vs. free choice. In my opinion, this has a lot to do with who He is in my life.
I was recently presented with some information that almost literally shook my spiritual foundation. For a moment I felt like the walls were collapsing. Calling my mom for comfort only supported the likening of God to a baby blanket. I felt like a child- not in a barefoot, mud pie kinda way, but the way that I felt the night I got lost on my bike and it got dark. Terror and confusion. I was able to calm myself with reassuring logic (which is somewhat ironic) and can say that only a few of the shakers persist. There is a heaviness that remains, however, as aftermath, and a tenderness in certain places that I won't ignore. I have a few books in line to follow The Case For Christ, including one that will be quite opposite. But in my quest for truth I think it will be important to challenge myself with opposing views. Or maybe I just learned a lesson from how easily my foundation shook. To be honest, and I hate to conclude this way, but I've lost focus because someone just gave me the hugest cupcake I've ever had and a few finger-fulls of icing has my mind already going numb from the sugar. I'll have to continue on this subject later.
I think I just got a cavity.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)