At Some Point

Allow me to expound on my last post.

Sometimes I feel like I have all these people inside of me, all these different people with different dreams. They are all within the context of who I am at the core- an artist, a dreamer, a lover- but different manifestations the many facets of my personality. I suppose this is common. I think everyone is conflicted from time to time with contrary desires. That's why some people change majors twenty two times in the first year of college. Anyway, I thought of an idea recently to break up my life into 2 year sections where I do something different every 2 years. Or maybe not 2 years, maybe it'll just vary depending on what the thing is, but anyway, give all these people their time.

(the problem with this and the reason I probly won't actually do this is that music is pretty much #1 and that will always be there. But I think all of this as something that would go alongside.. or something.. whatever it's just fantasy..)

Here are a few:

AT SOME POINT in my life I'd like to go to a small town somewhere, buy or rent a little old house and maybe work in a cafe or something for a little money, and just make art all the time. it would be a little art haven. I could paint, decorate, sew, have a garden, sing, dance, make furniture, play piano, learn guitar. anything. i don't know why but i've been thinking about this one for a while. It'd be right off the edge of town and I would ride my bike everywhere. And I have to admit that in this one, I see myself married. I don't think it would be as fun alone. But think about it, just me and him, doing nothing. til we get restless then we leave. I'll be surrounded by flowers and air and wear cotton dresses and make soup from the vegetables in my garden. We'll listen to records and we won't have a TV. Life will be like summer- lazy, warm and slow.



AT SOME POINT in my life I'd like to live in New York City. At least for a little bit. This is the part where everything will be fast-paced and modern. I'll wear heels and embrace technology. I imagine myself having a cool job for some sort of designer or something. A New York young professional. A starbucks regular. Life will be like fall- wear a sweater and don't blink or you'll miss it.

At some point in my life #1

I will live in a Yurt in Colorado.

When He walks on water

Yesterday morning I went to church. The pastor spoke on Matthew 14 something, where Jesus walks on water. What a crazy and beautiful story. I thought it was a nice sermon. I nodded at all of his points and prayed for understanding and application. Consider the story for a moment. Jesus commands His disciples to get into the boat without Him, knowing that a storm awaits them. In the midst of that storm He walks 3 miles on water to meet them. Then Peter opens his big mouth and ends up walking out to meet Him. It says that when they got back into the boat, the storm was calm and they worshipped Him. Now, why would you ask for application of this story and expect anything less than earth-shaking? This did not occur to me this morning.

I spent the rest of the day with friends "watching" the football games, eating too much food, and laughing. I recognized mid-fun how blessed I am with the people in my life. I was particularly glad to see my friend, Andrew, and not just because he is the star of the rest of this post. I really truly remember being so glad that he was there. I haven't gotten to see him much lately.

Later that evening, the last few of us decided to go back to Andrew's house (where my brother and his brother live as well) and (planned to) watch South Park. We parted with a "see you there" but in fact, the next time I saw him was on the side of the road, staring into a ditch at the underbelly of his cadillac. I was baffled at the contrary states of the car and himself but he admitted the only thing hurt was his pride. Seems there was a moment of spinning and then he was upside down. He put the car in park, unbuckled and crawled out. Of course, the car had no such luck of coming out unscathed and staring down at it, we knew it would be an evening of tow-trucks, police reports and insurance company hold music. We didn't care. We knew what we had escaped and how differently the evening might be going if. We didn't talk about the "if"s or "could"s but the silence said it. I tried to keep my dramatic self at bay but I wasn't going to pretend. I hugged Andrew for a while and then let him tend to his upside-down car predicament.

Driving home (eyes glued on the road, hands at 10 and 2 of course), I began to give credit where I knew it was due.

"Thank you, God. Thank you. Thank you."

I let my mind settle into a state of gratitude for this and all the other times, whether known to me or not, that He has kept my family and people I love safe. I felt the weight of all the thanks I owed him and began to cry. Alone in a silent car, I felt open. I felt exposed and honest. I began to talk to God in a way that I haven't in a while. I said I was sorry for hurting Him and I didn't understand why he spared me hurt. Even saved me from it. He said it was because He loves me. I asked what I needed to do and He said, "Know that I love you." By definition, it is hard to know that someone loves you with an incomprehesible love but I felt a level of it and I asked Him to wrap me in it and for the 30 minute drive I sat in it. And I thanked Him for it. I sang and He listened.

When Jesus walked on water, the disciples were afraid. At His command their fear ceased with the storm and "those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'" (Matthew 14:33)

Sometimes He whispers. Sometimes He walks on water. Maybe I wasn't hearing the whispering, but I saw this. Truly He is the Son of God.

Jake and Amir

This is ridiculous. I almost couldn't answer the phone cause i was laughing. Watch more here


Movie Debate from Amir on Vimeo.

This sh*t is bananas

I had a dream last night that my friend Travis was a bear-wrestler and that the owner of the restaurant I work at came over to my house and he liked my decorating and he was nice (if you knew him that would be funny), and then I was trying to talk about Ted's bananas to some other friends (one was Jonathan Aboites but I can't remember who else- and I'll fill you in on the banana thing in just a moment) but they didn't get it and there was something else weird I dreamt last night, what was it.... I can't remember, maybe it'll come to me later..

Anyway, bananas. If I'm holding a bunch of bananas, 5 to be exact, and I ask 2 people how many things I'm holding and one says ONE bunch of bananas and the other says FIVE bananas, then who is right? they can't both be right.. right? because 5 is not the same as 1, and I can't be holding 5 things and 1 thing.

Neighbor Ted was trying out some material on my sister and I last night for the Philosophy class he teaches at Vanderbilt. I gave him the thumbs up cause he sure got me thinking.

This initial banana situation didn't really get me going. I thought, you could do that with anything, I really don't see what the point is. Am I six body parts or one person? Is the child holding 25 crayons or 1 box of crayons. Both, depending on how you look at it. You can break down anything and talk about this. So I tried to turn it into a math equation.
1 bunch/5 bananas= 1 thing/X
If you are turning the noun "bunch" to the noun "thing" then you can't turn the noun "banana" to the noun "thing" because bunch does not equal banana. SO when Ted went straight to the statement "One thing is not the same as five things" perhaps he skipped a step. It's like if you are writing a story and using pronouns.

Ted went to the store. He bought some apples. Jim never goes to the store. He hates apples. Why did "he" buy apples if "he" hates them. Is that not a contradiction? No, because we know that the pronoun first refers to Ted because of the placement of it and then it refers to Jim because it follows the sentence talking about Jim.

So maybe using the word "thing" is similar. You could even make it more obvious. I own one car. I own 25 pairs of shoes. I own one thing. I own 25 things. But 25 is not equal to one. See?

However, I'm not a philosophy scholar so let's go with the implications of what Ted was talking about. If the possibility for this kind of seeming contradiction exists then doesn't that open the door for relative truth? That 2 people can believe two things that compete and both are correct?

Let's move on from that to the real mind-f*ck of last night. Ted tells us the story of Theseus's Boat. Here's my summary of Ted's version. Theseus sails out on a ship made of oak. Throughout his voyage he has to replace some of the wood planks and he uses teak wood. By the end of his journey, when he sails back in, he has, one by one, replaced all the old wood with new teak planks and tossed out all of the oak so that not one piece of the old wood remains. Is it the same boat?

Now, let's add to that. Along his journey a scavenger has been collecting all the oak planks and builts a boat with them that is identical to Theseus's. The scavenger sails in and docks his boat next to Theseus's. Did Theseus dock the same boat that he left with? Did the scavenger dock the boat that Theseus left in? Think of it like this- the boat that Theseus sails out in, made of oak, is A, the boat he sails IN in, made of teak, is B and the boat that the scavenger builts, made of the pieces of oak tossed out, is C. It is obvious that B does not equal C. But does A=B or does A=C? Of course many smart people have dicussed and pondered this and come up with theories and answers to this question and others about identity and persistence such as "whether one can step into the same river twice precisely because it continually undergoes changes". Read this: http://faculty.washington.edu/smcohen/320/theseus.html

This is somewhat of a response to this video:


Tyra Banks ‘shocked’ by teen sex crisis

Feeling shocked, saddened, overwhelmed or angry would not be an uncommon response to watching the news these days. It seems our emotions are the big red target of the media. They stir and move us with stories of sad children and lost puppies. They paste exotic-looking babies accross our screens, staring at us through large tear-filled "Precious Moments" eyes. We find ourselves racing to the store or the phone or to our checkbooks, or whatever the man holding the baby tells us to do, and we buy it or we sell it or we give it. Only then can we continue reading People Magazine guilt-free. Of course I'm half kidding. I do believe it's important for us all to be extracted from our bubbles and exposed to the very real suffering that is taking place outside of them. But there is a fine line- I'm getting way off track. All this was to say that out of all the bids for my tears today, this one wins. Maybe it's because I've been there; I've been a teenage girl, that is, and I know what it's like to have sexuality handed to you and not know what to do with it. I am thankful and recognize that I was lucky to have had the parents and friends that I had, though, and that in my church-going circle it was cooler to "save it". I think what it saved me was a lot of confusion and maybe even an STD or two. Anyway, I sympathize with the girls and it breaks my heart to see them searching for love and acceptance in this way. And that is what it is. Apparently Tyra and I share a passion. More power to her. My thoughts can't be helped from going in this direction however: In a recent post I talked about my own personal self-esteem issues and I'm not sure if I mentioned this, maybe I did, but I believe a large part of the struggle for me as of late has been spurred by a newfound obsession with America's Next Top Model. I wonder if other girls watching the show have had a similar reaction. Looking in the mirror, not appearing 5'10" and 125 and then experiencing dissatisfacation. Regardless of the encouraging voices that echo still from parents, friends, or maybe a loving man that made you feel like a supermodel or better yet, made you feel like you didn't need to look like one- regardless, you don't approve of the reflection and swear of sugar right then and there. I imagine I am not alone in this. I do consider myself a very self-assured, confident and strong women, which is why one day instead of vowing to deny chocolate, I told myself I'd be taking a break from ANTM. It has proved to be a good decision. Please understand, I don't believe there is anything wrong with the show. I still like it a lot and intend to catch up on what I've missed eventually but I will make sure and only have it in small doses. Just a personal decision to protect myself because apparently I can't quite handle it. That being said, and not to judge Tyra, I wonder how someone with such a passion for young girls' self esteem can be in an industry that promotes such unrealistic standards of beauty. You can reference my previous post for a discussion on the thin line between fashion as such and fashion as art. Consider this: If someone dedicates their life to rehabing alcoholics and spreading awareness about the dangers of alcohol and alcohol addiciton and this subject is their "passion", I would think that maybe they would stay away from alcohol even responsibly and in moderation as, if nothing else, an example. I would think that they would stay as far away from the line of hypocracy as possible so that no fingers would be pointed at them and their efforts would yeild spot-less results. If that is a stretch at least we can all agree that you would certainly not find them simultaneously in a beer commercial. Maybe that is not a fair parallel to draw. But I'd say that she is toeing the line a bit. She's certainly not miles from it. On the other hand, I love the way she treats the girls on the show and that a plus size model won last year. I love that when it come down to a bottom two in which less skill and more heart is pitted against a supermodel with a bad attitude, Tyra reveals her heart. I have no doubt that in the lives of the individual participants, Tyra is a positive voice. Is that enough, though, to mask the fact that for the "average", the non-model, on their road to a solid positive self image, the fashion industry is often a large stumbling block? Honestly, I'm undecided on this one. I could say no, that's an unexcusable contradiction, but what is the solution. Is Tyra Banks supposed to shun the industry that she was born from? Deny the people that have grown her and nurtured her into the woman that she is? Or was she wrong to ever be a part of it. I will go ahead and speak an opinion here and say no. She was given a set of gifts and talents that have gotten her to where she is- which is a point in which she has the authority and resources to speak positively into the lives of young girls. If I cannot provide a solution or at least an example of what would be a better situation then I'm not going to make accusations. I could discuss this forever and play all parts so to try and come to somewhat of a conclusion, I'd say that I believe that fashion is fun and it's a beautiful art form that can be distorted in both its delivery and perception. I support the efforts that Tyra is making to equip our youth and their parents with resources to understand and manage immature sexuality. Our sex-drenched media will not be parting any time soon, so I believe it's time for parents to aggressively reclaim the responsibility for the impressionable minds of their children.

One last thought for the day...

whaa?