It Rains Blue

Here's the deal.

2009-10-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

So, you already know that I don't work at that desk job anymore... well, that would be the reason for my not posting in almost a month.. and ya know? i really don't have anything to say right now in particular.. I just felt like i should post SOMETHING..

I guess I could tell you about how my life currently sucks.. Well i really don't feel like going into detail but basically neither my boyfriend nor I can legally drive right now. And we're both broke and being charged out of our assholes to regain the priviledge. We're trying to think positively though. It's only going to go up from here.

Life is GOOD

2009-09-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad blogger because my boring job, the one I used to do most of my blogging at, is no more.. I'm on to bigger and better things! So, good for me, bad for my blog.. I suppose there are some updates: New job is good, boy is wonderful, music is moving along- we took pics this past weekend so STAY TUNED to see them! they are gonna be awesome.. cause our friends, Be Speshl Photography did an amazing job! -we also have a meeting tomorrow that could lead to some good things..
so yeah! life is good!

more to come!

xoxo

A Bob Lefsetz Letter

2009-09-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

I was hoping he would respond to the Kanye thing. But at the same time, kinda hoping he wouldn't.. But he did. Here 'tis:

WINNERS

MTV

It happened on MTV. It burnishes the brand's image, that it still happens there. The fact that an artist was sacrificed in the process? WHO GIVES A FUCK! This is what MTV has been doing for eons. Like some "Twilight Zone" aliens with a book entitled "To Serve Acts", MTV has convinced "artists" that brief television exposure is good for them, when we all know it burns out careers, uses up performers even quicker than sitcoms.

Jay Leno

That's why you've got to stay in the game. You never know when serendipity will deal you a ratings bonanza on your most important date, in this case, the debut of your show. Everybody's making a big deal re Jay's question about what Kanye's mother would say. Who would ask such a question? I'd say who'd answer it, but Kanye didn't. Not that Kanye didn't ask for it... He's living his life in the media, he gets no time off, he fucks up, he apologizes, it's endless grist for the mill. As for it affecting his career... There's a dearth of hip-hop superstars, and no pop or rock stars to fill the void. So, expect Kanye to come back bigger and better than ever, Kanye 2.0, who is humble, who apologizes, and makes music that doesn't sound radically different from what he made previously. We love resurrection stories more than destruction stories. Look at Whitney Houston.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/14/kanye-west-on-leno-apolog_n_286675.html

Twitter

Without the microblogging service, would we know that Obama called Kanye a "jackass"? As for it being off the record and Terry Moran tweeting it anyway... In a "me" society, who can expect anybody to behave properly, with humility. Isn't that how we got Kanye to begin with?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2177117/obamas_kanye_jackass_comment_continues.html?cat=2

Obama

You mean you watch the VMAs? You mean you know what's going on in the world? After legions of old farts in the White House, this is positively stunning. But even though the media and the Republicans may use this expletive against him, it does more for the President in the minds of young voters than any speech to Congress or appearance on "60 Minutes". Makes you think if you ran into him you could have a conversation, he'd know what you were talking about.

Taylor Swift

Yes, Kanye did hand the mic back to her, but like the 19 year old she is, she was so overwhelmed, she couldn't speak. Cementing her status as the teenage naif with the singing diary. What happens when she grows up? Well, I guess she's listening to Joni Mitchell records right now.

Vince Romanelli

I'd never heard of him either, but his parody of Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me", remade as "You Don't Belong On MTV", displays creativity unheard on Top Forty. We don't get humor, any analysis in music, just endless pap parading as important so fat cats can get rich.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV8EHNTXWF4

LOSERS

The American Public

A real story can no longer get traction. Health care is too complex. It's like studying in class as opposed to flirting in the cafeteria. We've become a nation of gossip, and misinformation.

Furthermore, who didn't know Kanye'd been acting like a jackass previously? It's like his jackassness was a musical career, waiting for the tipping point for everyone to celebrate. He acted poorly at this awards show, said bad things at Bonnaroo, now, finally, when so many were watching, he fucked up one more time. Now he truly is a superstar!

But he was already. And most people piling on weren't paying attention to begin with. Then again, I must admit the music community and fans are piling on too. Because they like to. Like the above-referenced high school society, exacting its own justice.

I'm not saying frivolity has no place, I'm just saying that we revere in popular culture almost nothing of value. Everything's grist for the mill. Either you're smart, starting Facebook, writing an iPhone app, or you dropped out of high school and became a lowest common denominator twit like Paris Hilton, focusing eyes on you.

Everybody wants to be rich and famous, everybody wants the attention. Doesn't matter how many "Behind The Music" shows are aired, people think stardom will solve all their issues. So, the inherent fabric of our country becomes ripped and torn, dilapidated.

I know you think I'm on overkill here, but...

People go into finance to get rich, even though this finance doesn't build our country, only tears it apart.

People can't get high tech jobs because they're not educated enough.

People who do go to college study business, those dreamy liberal arts majors who used to create the culture we reveled in are seen as pussies. It's about cash, baby.

We spend our money living like rappers, going to the Palms in Vegas to splash in the pool while consuming overpriced liquor.

I'm just saying we need a readjustment here. Gossip must be the underbelly, not the primary. We seem to carom from one celebrity event to another, from Michael Jackson's death to Kanye, and since the news media sees itself as stars, they throw logs on the fire. Twenty four hours on kidnappings, not twenty four hours on explaining bills in Congress, or Supreme Court decisions. But they need the ratings!

That's what Kanye is, ratings. For everybody and anybody who's got something to sell. And we're buying it. So the laugh's on us.

If you don't get Bob Lefsetz letters, you should.

Thoughts on Humans

2009-09-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about the extraordinary machines that we are and all we are collectively capable of. Creating, Loving, Killing, Genius, Ignorance, Hate.. This morning, I correspond with a friend who is tearing his own life apart and feel utterly helpless to save him from his cyclone of drugs and pain and fear. A moment later, I travel to behance.net and am deeply inspired by several artists' works ranging from the design of the new Infiniti car to a graphic artist's final project in school to a photographer's capture of a collection of clothes. My absolute favourite (glamorous spelling) today is a simple study of "birds on a wire". Make me a scary face.

Crazybeautiful. This life is crazybeautiful. one word.

Confession

2009-09-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have ALWAYS loved this music video. Something about it- the way its filmed, the clothes, the nostalgic feeling it creates... just love love love it.

I'm a Vegetarian.

2009-09-08T09:55:00.001-07:00

yeah, its very much like this.

Welcome Back!

2009-09-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

Hello there, it's been a little bit since my last post. I created a couple other blogs that I have been updating and I made a website for my art stuff. so check it out. I have also been enjoying some other blogs-
Face Hunter
My friend Heather

thats all today.

Review This Mother F*****

2009-08-27T22:20:00.001-07:00

So, the New York Times wrote a review on my brother's band and well, read it for yourself, but I thought it was a rambling, ignorant piece of shit so I decided to write my own review of his review. Here it is:

Long before he was mashing out censures composed of unnecessarily lengthy and complicated sentences, valuable only in their ability to impress English teachers and expose an illicit affair with a thesaurus, the leach-like Jon Caramanica was himself the suffering victim of musical critique. With his dreams obliterated beyond repair, he burned his guitar and began tearing though his record collection, devouring all traces of optimism and joy and spewing forth malevolent masterpieces of critical literature.

His affinity for decimating wide-eyed innocence through the use of big words was the main inspiration for his latest piece, entitled "What's to Love About Theft?" His ability to transform the written word into a sword with which to slash the tender, green hope of young bands goes beyond mere emasculating parallels with 13 year-old girls: "'You to Miss' wouldn’t have sounded out of place on the recent 'Hannah Montana: The Movie' soundtrack", but reaches further into the depths of literary repression, to the true art of inducing despondency- a blase, uninterested tone and an overall feeling that you fall right into the devastating middle ground- perfectly luke-warm.

I struggle to find a flaw in this master of dream-draining, this artist of ambition abolition, but if I must critique I will indicate a minor imperfection- he seems to lack the instinct to actually listen to the music placed before him before he begins to thread together SAT words with commas and colons and impressive compound punctuation. This is made apparent in his final paragraph when he speculates the meaning behind "Slow Down" (the first line of the song addresses itself to a personification of life).

In the end, I give two enthusiastic thumbs up to this arresting piece of critical and literary sculpture. I hope he sent a copy to his AP English teacher. KATIE BANDAS

Saw it, Want it

2009-08-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

Saw this in Nylon. Found out its Anna Sui for Target. Available Sept. 13th. Need it.
http://www.collegefashion.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/blair3.jpg

Plan B

2009-08-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

OK, this isn't the kind of plan B that is just in case plan A doesn't work, nor is it emergency contraceptive. This is an idea that is following the original plan and to be honest, its gaining on it. It may very well pass it up. But then again, it may very well fall flat on its face. Plan B (an abridged version, because this is idea is so bad A that you'd steal it, I know you): Live here-

-and sell my sister's, our friends', and my art and things out of the store front Its a live work space. You see in the picture that garage door across from the kitchen island? It works. It opens up to a communal courtyard. AMAZING. If you know me then you understand how this makes my heart flutter- I'd live outside if I could. Then also, in the same complex, there is a huge open space thats not built out that we would get for cheap because of that. We and a few friends would rent the two spaces as one unit and we would all share the benefits of both spaces- including the facilities. We would all have office space, a store front, space to play music, paint, film, have concerts, parties, entertain, and realize a vision that Aaron and I have had for a while, which is the big picture idea that I'll leave out. Tah Dah! So, now I wait for by go-betweens to go between and see if they will accept our offer. eee!

My Brother!

2009-08-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Update

2009-08-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

Some things I've added to my home sweet home as of late...

A very much needed storage piece in the kitchen ($30 off craigslist). The bright orb is a pretty chandelier that i'm sad you can't see...

A mobile that I made, which was inspired by something I saw in an Anthropology store (cost me $0 to make).

A chandelier that I bought for $20 at an antique store and painted bright red! Hung in the living room.

The most amazing find of.. the month at least- a red LE CREUSET tea pot found at a garage sale and purchased for a haggled price of a mere $7. Thank you.

A chair I found by a dumpster, recovered and painted (cost= $0). Here's the before and after:

God's Gift to the Financially-Challenged

2009-08-14T14:59:00.001-07:00

oh my goodness, I'll geeking out about this website. Pretty sure it's gonna change my life.
www.mint.com
(also a Glamour Magazine Sept. 2009 find..)

New [to me] Style Website!

2009-08-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

Considering how much time I spend on style.com, this excites me.

"Just Like a Family"

2009-08-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

I was reading Glamour Magazine and came across an article on the 2 women that started an organization called GEMS- Girls Educaional and Mentoring Services- to help rescue young girls from the world of prostitution. It completely grabbed me. Visit the website to learn more about what they are about and what they are doing. I was particularly appalled at the realization that though these 12-21 year old girls are participating in an illegal activity, prostitution, they are girls that need help, not incarceration. It's sex trafficking. They are the victims. Check it out.

From the article in Glamour Magazine: Rachel Lloyd, a survivor of the sex trade herself, founded GEMS 10 years ago to help girls understand that what they have with their pimps is not love but exploitation... Lloyd once asked a girl why she stayed with her pimp. "She told me that every evening they'd sit down and eat dinner together, 'just like a family.'"

interesting

2009-08-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

This is interesting to me.. but also, I just really love the design of the studio! yeah.. thats really the main reason... :)

A Plan

2009-08-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

I may or may not be really hyped up on coffee. But nonetheless. I have a plan. It goes like this:

October- lease is up, spend the month saying goodbye to my lovely apartment
November- Move out and into my parents garage, saving money
December- buy space heater, happy birthday to me, keep saving money!
January-February- It's effing freezing but I've saved up 2000 bucks!
March- Finishing up getting the EPs and merch ready for Europe, $2500 saved
April- Sell car, $8000 in the bank, get on a plane, fly to the other side of the pond
May- playing shows, selling merch, loving life
June- Land on NY, stay.

Maybe. Maybe not. But maybe...

...

2009-08-03T14:58:00.001-07:00

things

2009-07-31T12:15:00.000-07:00

1.
Low-fat, cheap, vegan soup = cardboard soup.
damn.
Will I buy it again? probly.

2.
I am in love. It's effing scary.

3.
Actually #2 is pretty much all I can think about right now..

Bleach Blonde and Bronze

2009-07-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

If you really feel that you must... here are some guidlines:

NO

YES

NO

YES

NO

YES

Questions?

__

Breaking Down and Rebuilding

2009-07-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

Shortly after that last post I had a little bit of a break down. I think you could call it that. It started coming on one evening slowly. I couldn't tell exactly what I was feeling. I was stressed and irritable and frustrated but I couldn't pinpoint a cause. Then, that night, the floodgates opened and I realised- that's all I really needed, a good cry. It was such a release. And a relief! My poor boyfriend though.. probably thought I was crazy.. Normally I prefer to have my emotional breakdowns in private but hey, what can you do? Thank goodness he loves me :)

I'm very focused and driven most of the time. I'm very goal-oriented. But I think everyone just gets weighed down from time to time. I am working very hard right now on a lot of different things- I'm painting (just sold my first 2 paintings last week), working on music with my sister (just played our first show last weekend), working 3 days a week at the only job thats making me a steady, though meager, income, and working/interning 2 days for an interior designer. I am also trying to devote some time to making clothes which has been something I've wanted to do for a while now. Then of course there's the new relationship and well, just life- I haven't worked out in I-don't-know-how-long and my house is a mess. BUT, I'm not complaining because this is a decision that I made- to go for it all at once- and I know my hard work will pay off, it already has begun to. I will say that having to ignore calls from collection agencies because I know I don't have a dime to give them, avoiding cops on the road because my tags have been expired since April, and borrowing money from my dad to get my phone service reconnected on top off all of this- not fun. I just get tired sometimes. I get tired of working my ass off and still being ass-broke. *sigh* But I know this is just a phase of my life and I will reap the benefits of my investments sooner or later. My vote is for sooner.

Anyway, I am feeling energized again after my little episode of exhaustion and I'm ready to hit the ground running.

*** I actually wrote this post last week but my computer here at work sucks and so it wouldn't post. So I had saved it to try again later. Today it worked but now its outdated. So just know that a couple things have changed- I got a little money, got my tags renewed, sold another painting (to my mom, but still..) and am generally just feeling better about life.

Jack of all trades, master of none.

2009-07-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

I am an amateur painter, a wannabe rockstar, an unlicensed interior "decorator", an all bite and no bark do-gooder, a failing vegan, an ill-equipped photographer, an irregular exerciser with love handles, an unfocused intellectual, a here-and-there clothing designer, an inconsistent songwriter. Good but not the best, ideas without direction, talent without training, endless potential. potential, potential, potential.

But how long can I be the girl on her way, before I'm just the woman who never got there?

...

#5-7

2009-07-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

A while back there was a facebook fad where everyone posted a note called "25 things" which listed 25 random things about them. I missed the train because I couldn't think of 25 things in one sitting so I decided I would write random facts on here as they came into my head. As predicted, it has been about 5 months since the first one and I'm only on #5.

Ok, now that you are reminded of what I am doing, allow me to continue. Let's knock a couple out-

#5 Mumbling is a pet peeve of mine.

#6 Heavy breathing is a pet peeve of mine.

#7 Mumbling + heavy breathing + bad smelling cologne = I'm going to [want to] kill you. (yes you, IT guy!)

3.1 Phillip Lim

2009-07-01T12:17:00.001-07:00

Apparantly today is fashion day.. I've been hanging out on style.com looking at a lot of the Resort Collections. I was gonna leave it at one fashion post for today but this particular outfit just has to be shared. love love love it. The rest of that collection is great too and in fact, Phillip Lim is just awesome.

In <3 with Giles

2009-07-01T09:16:00.001-07:00

I'm in love with everything about this collection from Giles

The colors are great; the tailoring is great; the details are great. Most of all I love the presentation of the collection in this photoshoot. Oh man, it just makes me happy to look at.

Happy Things

2009-06-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

My BFFWB and I drove a Uhaul from Louisiana to TN yesterday and it was glorious. Glorious I tell you. Not only am I pretty sure I could scoop poop all day with him and still have the best day of my life but we spent a good 5 hours coming up with and discussing a brilliant plan. I can't say much (actually I could but it feels very important to pretend its some sort of secret- heather, call me) but I will tell you it involves music, a video camera, and Europe.
So, as far as music goes, that is what I am working towards. It doesn't change much of what I was already focusing on with Trudy Chase. We are still working on getting a good set solidified and getting our musicians together, booking some shows and getting merch. Now we just add to that saving for a trip to Europe.

Other happy things from this past week include spending the weekend in New Orleans (hence the driving back from New Orleans) and some delicious developments with the job situation.

First of all- New Orleans was an amazing time.

What a cool city. It certainly has a dark side though. You can feel it. It's like that hot guy with the bad boy image, only he ain't no James Dean, he's the real deal, he's real trouble. That's N'awlins. But hey, one night can't do any harm huh? We went down to Bourbon Street on Saturday night. We had some absolutely sinful Cajun food and daiquiris and sang karaoke.. it was delightful. Then, Sunday, we spent by the pool until it got too hot and we went out for [veggie] burgers and chocolate shakes. When we got back, Aaron and I watched the sun fade, reducing the color palate of our world to blue and gold. Then at the exact right moment, we were showered with one of those perfect southern summer storms. We watched the rain and then went and got some beer. Perfect little mini-vacation.

On the job front, I put together my portfolio and showed my boss and she loved it! LOVED it! So what started as an "internship" and then turned into my training for a position as "art consultant" has now become "Katie, I'm going to try and use your art in every one of my jobs. And if I need something that you don't have, I'll just have you paint it. Let's see, this one we'll price at $600.. this one $800.. this one, hm, about $1200.." HA! yessssss!!!! So, now it's time to paint paint paint paint paint cause I gots some money to make!

I can't remember what all I've put up here but here's one I've recently finished:

That is one of the ones for sale (anyone?? ha) It's actually a pretty difficult thing to start selling these peices.. I love them all! I decided to keep one though. I'm keeping my favorite one. But it will still be hard to see the ones of my sister and my grandma go.. I really honestly can't think about it too much. In fact I'm going to stop talking about it right now.

So, in conclusion, happy freakin times up in here.

Oh and one last thing...

:)

Here.

2009-06-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you what. Figuring out what to do with your life is hard. Especially because it doesn't pause for you to figure it all out.

Yesterday I was at my new job and I had a "why the hell am I here?" moment. Here's what I thought: Considering the fact that I'm not getting paid and it's taking up 2 full days a week, I could be going to school instead. I've been counting it a positive to be learning new things and making connections without having to pay- free school- but the difference is that no matter how much knowledge gets in my head and money stays in my pocket, I will not have that bullshit piece of paper to show poeple and say "look how much I know!" I don't think I care really but it's worth mentioning because it does cross my mind from time to time. The truth is though, the other designer that I work with has a degree in interior design and she started out for free just like me and I have to opportunity to move into a position just like the one she is in. So what is the difference? I'm not quite sure so I just keep wondering.

Should I rent a studio and spend my days making paintings that I sell for prices I can't believe people would pay just like the artist I visited yesterday? She's been painting for only 2 years; she rents a modest space with 3 other artist and to be honest, I'm better. Personality-wise, I think I'm more meant for locking myself away in a creative box, blaring music and getting paint all over my jeans. But you know what? you can hide away in a closet painting Picassos all day but if you don't know anyone but your starving artist cell-mates, then no one will buy them. So perhaps that is where I am right now. I am making connections in a world that I need.

Or maybe I need to be focusing on music. Maybe I just need to be focusing- on anything! Maybe I need to just forget about a social life. Maybe I need to work 24/7- painting, singing, writing, promoting, sewing, thinking, reading, studying, creating, never sleeping. Maybe, I should just start roaming the earth. Maybe I should learn the guitar. Maybe I should go overseas. Maybe- maybe- maybe- what if? what if? what if???

No matter how many what-ifs-per-second my mind is travelling at, I always land on this: I am here. I may want to be there but I am here. It's the 'how to live in the moment while working toward to future' dilemma. It's a tough one. I guess what it means to me right now is keeping an eye on what/who i want to be and where I want to go but also having a clear map of what it will take to end up there. Visualizing the connecting dots just as I visualize my end goal. Right now, I am going to stick out this internship and let it be what it will be. I know I can learn a lot and make a lot of connections here and so whether this or school is better for that is not important I suppose, because I'm not in school, I'm here.

I think I just lost my train of thought a little bit so I'm gonna end this ramble session.

Artist's Statement

2009-06-19T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm studying my art books and I've got it on the brain. I thought I would share something I wrote a couple weeks ago in my little journal thing that I keep with me. I was trying to begin a rough draft or at least get some ideas down in preparation for writing an "artist's statement". I recently learned that this is something artist's do when displaying a collection. Since I am hopefully going to be doing just that very soon, I thought I'd give it a try. I was recommended to begin with an explanation of my philosophy behind creating art, or something to that effect. I just started writing and this came out.

May 29, 2009

When I encounter certain things- things that I find beautiful or intriguing or nostalgic or even disturbing- and I feel them soak into me and move inside my skin and my bones and my stomach, stirring up my insides until I think I may burst, I call it inspiration. Painting, for me, is releasing these things back into the world in a new form. My art is an amalgamation of everything I've ever seen, felt, and heard. It's as innate and necessary as the digestion of food. The consumption and processing of the beauty of the world.

Well, anyways, its a start. I say 'thing' a lot at first.. but I couldn't figure out a better word cause I didn't want to limit it to images, sounds, or anything specific like that. Also, i am sorta comparing my art to poop. hmm.

Art

2009-06-19T07:53:00.001-07:00

"Art is the desperate attempt to recreate that which we cannot capture."
-me (who the eff quotes themself? loser...)

As you know, last week I started an internship with an interior designer. So far, it's still going well, except for the fact that I was working until 11pm last night and at least 5 hours of the day was spent helping my boss detail her car. But, its ok, it's all part of the deal. I'm learning a lot. It's free school. Anyway, in my interview I brought a small portfolio of art projects that I did a couple years ago when I worked for another interior design firm but not my personal art- the painting I've been doing. My boss wants to see that stuff so I started taking pics of everything yesterday and while I was at it I figured I might as well get out some older stuff and take pics of that too. I took most of them on my digital camera but then it froze for a while (awesome.) so I took the rest with my phone. Anyway, point is- I thought I'd post some of the older stuff, just for fun.
Here's a self portrait that I did when I took a drawing class at ACC- one of the only college classes I've taken. I think this was probably charcoal..?

Compare that to a recent self portrait sketch (that is now a painting- this is not the finished product- I'll show you that one sometime). This was charcoal too (i think.. isn't it sad that i forget the mediums?)

you know what I just noticed looking at these two? I think I'm a little too nice to myself when it comes to my nose.. haha really though, i try to be as accurate as possible in drawing myself- or anyone actually- but still i think i make my nose a little smaller than it is.. interesting.. i hadn't noticed that before..
Anyway, next- here are a couple still-life drawings also from my college days (haha yeah i can't really say that...) To be honest, I've kinda forgotten what all the different pencils and charcoal and graphite things are called- i have a ton of them and i always just mix em up, so the medium is um, all of the above. the skull is probably charcoal and the plates are probably graphite..

I loved that class.. probably because, well, I guess since it's my blog i'm allowed to just be honest and say, i was by far the best in the class. I really don't even think that's bragging because when you're doing a real life drawing of a still life- where the point is to copy whats in front of you- then it's just like, ok, who's looks the most like whats sitting in front of you? ok. anyway, enough of that.. you egotist. if that's not a word I'm making it one. ok, hrm, moving right along..
Here's one of my first paintings- from 10th grade I think.

Here are a couple small ones that I did a few years ago.. i don't really like these that much actually but it was when i first started really wanting to paint

Lets see.. is there anything else worth showing... oh, here's one- this is also from my drawing class but I thought it was a kind of cool random thing to draw so I recently cropped and framed it, using the inside of a piece of cardboard, the corrugated part, painted, as the "matte".. it was a cool idea but i need glass for the frame cause it looks sloppy without it..

So there you have it. A little bit of the history of my art. And might I add, these are all for sale. haha, pretty sure only 2 people read this... so um, Heather, you got your checkbook out? I'll give you a bff discount! :) just kidding.... about the discount, not about the other stuff.. and I'm just kidding again! oh gosh, someone stop me...
Ok, I'd like to conclude this post by bringing us up to date with my very most recent painting. (might do more to the background but its at least very close to being done..)

Hump Day Rants

2009-06-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

So I have a couple things to say today. First of all, I feel pretty crappy right now and am very happy that I have a doctor appt tomorrow to figure this shit out. Ok wait, actually that was a bit misleading.. I have been having some health issues and I do have an appt tomorrow that I'm looking forward to because it's been about a month with this annoying and sometimes very painful issue, BUT I have to admit that my feeling crappy at this moment has a little more to do with too much alcohol and too little sleep last night.. soooo.. my bad. But nevertheless, I've got a headache and my throat hurts.

I would like to take a moment and rant about something. Well, 3 things actually. First up- telemarketers. I'm generally nice to them cause I know they are just doing their job and lets be honest, it's a sucky job. And I know even the higher-ups need to make money and they have to try and sell their stuff and whatever.. BUT- don't try and trick me. I'll cut you.
There is a company that always calls and they say something like this- "Hey this is --- with [some copier company or something like that], we're sending you a new book for the copier and I just need to get the model number.." something like that anyway.. Some of them are really good and so the first time they called I thought someone had requested that they send some replacement something or other for the copier and so I'm here tryin to find the model number and then he has to confirm the address and he just keeps needing more and more info until he is asking me to "confirm" something or other and I start to feel like this isn't my turf anymore so I tell him I'm just the receptionist and I can't "confirm" anything. So I pass him along and the IT guy figures out its a scam. So, it's a bit of a mess and I look and feel stupid. But I learned a valuable lesson I suppose. After a while they called again, someone new, with the same stupid line and I just said "no thank you." and they hung up. didn't say anything just hung up like I had just ruined their little game. I thought that was pretty rude. They just called again today (someone else- who DID sound like a telemarketer) and I said "no." and she hung up too. It makes me think that is what they're told to do- just hang up! Assholes. It just really pisses me off that they are trying to trick people into ordering something.

Ok, moving right along. I won't spend much time on this topic, but there is a girl on facebook that I- ooh, man, I just.. well, I'll just say I think she is an effing crazy bitch and a waste of space. Here's the short story. There's a person that I am "friends" with on fb that I don't think I actually know- i think he adds a lot of people that he doesn't know, not sure why.. But anyway, I guess he added this girl (who i also don't know) and she didn't like that so she made a group that said "I don't know ---- but he added me" ok, weirdo, just deny him and move on with your life. But she didn't; she made another group- "I don't know ---- but he added me twice" She made more and more groups- "I don't know ---- but he added me 5 times", "I'm gonna kick ---- in the balls", "---- got me kicked off facebook but I got back on", "---- can suck a big dick" and they got worse and worse and over the last couple months I swear she's made at least 30 or 40 groups. At one point I sent a not so nice but really not that mean (didn't say what i wanted to say) email saying keep me out of this- stop sending me group invites [you crazy whore]. I've even reported and blocked her and- no good. I still get all her psycho invites. I don't really know what to do but I want to punch her in her stupid i-need-a-hobby face. Too bad I have NO CLUE who she is! how am i even involved in this mess??

anyway, so theres that... but don't worry, there's more. Next up is the stupid chef from The Palm. Listen buddy, I'm vegan, it doesn't mean I don't have taste buds! Seriously, I just cannot believe that a chef would send this out of the kitchen:

On top of the fact that it looks like I just raided the produce section and am about ready to check out (or just moved the lawn), how about some spices or something? hell, salt! Damn. I hate to complain because my sweet friend took me out to eat and its a really upscale place and it was really nice of him to take me there and call ahead to make sure they would have something that I could eat. But honestly, I was kind of insulted. My friend is a vegetarian and they made him a nice pasta dish (which I'm pretty sure was vegan minus the parmesan cheese). For those of you who don't know, its very common for a vegan or vegetarian to ask the chef to put something together for them. I've done it plenty of times and been served something delicious. I'm not a chef but I can tell you if I was I would NEVER send something out of my kithcen that looked like that. Funny thing is, I went out for mexican the night before and got veggie fajitas and asked them to cook them in oil instead of butter and it was freaking delicious. and vegan. peppers, mushrooms, onions, rice, guac- mmmm. It was 7 dollars.

Ok, I'll stop. There are some happy things I could talk about too.. Like my new internship is going well and my boss has decided that she would like me to focus on the art side of the whole thing. More on this later. But I've already titled this post Hump Day Rants and so I'll have to save positive thinking for later.

TFLN

2009-06-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've been on textsfromlastnight.com for the last hour. Here are some highlights:

(403): just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.

(215): I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone

(919): I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.

(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

(403): If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

Corn Carpet

2009-06-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

I started my internship yesterday. Yay! I'm interning for 3 months (and then hopefully getting paid after that) with an interior design company called JL Design. It was a great first day. I've really missed being around interior design and I think this will be just what I need to satisfy that part of me. Yesterday was mostly me following around one of the designers and asking a ton of questions but it was still very exciting for me. I love what the company does- mostly residential, from rebuilds and remodels to one-room makeovers to model staging. It's very urban and modern- they do a lot of lofts- but the designers have very ecclectic tastes like I do. They are also very interested in green design and are working on their certification to be 'green designers'. (And my boss is a vegetarian.) Yesterday I went with one of the designers (there are only two) to pick up some samples of "corn carpet". Corn carpet! It's made out of corn! It is very environmentally friendly as well as incredibly durable and stain resistant. It's so popular right now, they are having a hard time keeping it in stock. (that corn carpet is so hot right now... zoolander? anyone?) Anyway, I am such a dork when it comes to these things that I was giddy at the carpet place when he was telling us about it. I think I was mostly just giddy because I'm so happy to be doing this again. Working yesterday made me realize how much this stupid, boring desk job (i.e. being on facebook all day) is rotting my brain. I can't even tell you how much I am looking forward to running around and deadlines and pressure and creativity and net-working and making calls and working hard. Plus, we work out of a really nice condo downtown and I'm gonna get a keycard to it which means I can use the pool and the gym! And my boss may give me a blackberry. Yeah... I'm pretty excited.

The Cat Days of Summer

2009-06-08T08:36:00.001-07:00

Well good Monday morning to you people. I hope your weekend was as great as mine. I'm sorry to say though that I'm fairly positive it wasn't- because mine was pretty untouchable. It's ok though, don't feel bad, i just got lucky.. I think I won the weekend lottery. It could happen to you someday! If you keep yourself open.. Weekend jackpot, however, means shitty Monday. So you can at least be happy if you are wide awake without bruises, sunburned skin and yawns that make it difficult to function normally. No such luck for me. But I'll take it; it's a small price to pay. Here's the story- I'll start with Friday morning...

I wake up at 8 to be at an interview at 10:15. My normal get-ready time is about 15 minutes but once I open my eyes this morning, my mind begins racing and I struggle to keep my nerves at bay. I need to get dressed, eat, and put together my portfolio. I arrive at the Icon building just in time and meet with the girls from JL Design. Barely into the interview, I am asked if I am aware that the first three months of the internship is unpaid. I try to hide my surprise, shock and horror but I'm fairly positive I'm unsuccessful.

"Are you ok with that?" She asks.

Huh? What?? No!

"Uh.. ok, yeah, yes.."

Damn it.

We proceed. I am very honest with them. They love my portfolio. After we're done, she gives me a hug and asks if I want to lay out by the pool with them. I have a good feeling about the interview.

I go transfer phone calls for four hours and I'm out at 4:59. Ha. Take that, man.

It's happy hour. It's made an even happier hour with the phone call offering me the internship. I join some co-workers at Chili's and celebrate with two-for-one wine. This is a very pleasant start to an unsuspecting weekend. I convince one of them to join me for a friend's birthday party and we're off in his car, leaving mine to camp out in the parking lot for the next 2 days. We grab some booze, a sister and our swimsuits and make our way.

We arrive at a house that is entirely too nice to be any of ours (my friend is house-sitting - don't worry she got permission to have a party). We enter the gate and I swear I hear an angelic "ahhhh" as I gaze upon the glittery pool and its amenities. We crank the music and begin to fill the hot tub with bodies, Sesame Street Count style- 5 pretty party people, 6 pretty party people, 7...8... 15! 15 pretty party people! ah ah ah... And thus begins the debauchery. You can imagine how the evening played out.. Not too many different outcomes for the hot tub + half naked people + booze equation. It was indeed a magical mess. At who knows what hour, when we're all pruney and drunk, we slowly disperse in search of beds, sofas, corners and crevices to claim.

9am. Good morning! Though I'm sure I've only had a few hours of sleep, the thought of the sun beating down on those lonely pool chairs is one I can't bear. Armed with a redhead-sized bottle of SPF 30, I make my way out to keep one company. One by one, I see sleepyheads squinting in the sun as they emerge. We spend the rest of the day like cats- napping in the sun, eating, playing, eating and napping some more.

In the evening, we take the baby blue convertible VW bug (she's car-sitting too) out to Arrington Vineyards and continue our cat-like behavior on a blanket on a hill looking out over the beautiful Tennessee country-side and listening to jazz. This makes the 2 hour wait for the wine tasting bearable, if not preferable. Now, when it comes to wine, I love the good stuff, but I settle for the cheap stuff. So, I'm swirling and I'm smelling and I'm tasting and it's all very lovely and they pour my last choice- a raspberry wine.

"Take a sip," he says, "then wait a minute and I'll give you a chocolate truffle to taste with it." I take a sip; I bite the truffle; I take another sip. Oh. My. Goodness. Are. You. Serious. Am I blushing? This actually feels inappropriate to be doing in public. Wow. I think I need a cigarette...

We're back on the blanket and the heat is finally being replaced by the kind of soothing breeze that only a clear summer night can produce. Our sun-burned skin is thankful as we watch the culprit sink behind trees and the blue sky darken.

When it reaches navy, we haul ourselves back the world of concrete and neon for, you guessed it, more drinking. We fill ourselves with too much beer and unidentifiable fried things before making it back to our weekend home we've named "the commune".

Into the hot tub we fall once again. Even less clothed than the night before, we channel middle school days and MTV Real World for a game of truth or--

CENSORED

--white light coming through the blinds. I feel like I've been sleeping in a cloud and I never want to move. I check my phone. It's broken. I close my eyes.

I hear laughing, dogs barking, techno music. I remember where I am and stretch my legs in my cloud. I blink my eyes open and see the beautiful smiling faces of friends. I check my phone. It's broken.

"What time is it?" Oh my, I sound like a man..

"11:30! get your ass up!" You don't have to tell me twice! I spring from my cloud, rub my eyes and throw my swimsuit on. The hardwood of the deck is warm on my bare feet as I venture outside to a scene that is becoming remarkably familiar. I yawn and smile at my friends. It's day two of eating, napping, swimming, sunning, grilling, singing, dancing, loving... oh heavenly day. Today, we grill. Publix, here we come. I grab the first shirt, shorts and shoes I can find and jump into the bug without opening the door (as far as I'm concerned that's the only way to get into a convertible).

I'm squeezing a delicious-looking mango in the produce section when I become painfully aware of the ridiculousness of my attire- a wife beater, my high school gym shorts- with my bathing suit strings sticking out of the top, and black shiny high tops. This is all complete with a hastily pulled up ballerina bun directly on top of my head. I catch a stare from a cardigan-clad soccer mom and smile.

We get back to the commune with 5 bags of deliciousness and fire up the grill, though we could probably just set everything in the sun for a bit it's so hot. We make kabobs with peppers and pineapple and mushrooms and zucchini (and several varieties of dead animals for the meat-eaters) We dip blue tortilla chips in salsa and hummus. There is macaroni salad and some kind of really awesome banana bread and watermelon and pie.. mm mm mm.. it's an exquisite spread. Soon we are full to the brim and leave the flies to the tiny leftover bits as we drape ourselves over the lawn furniture and drift into food comas. We are in and out of cat naps as the end is drawing near.

Eventually, the dreaded is here. It is inevitable. I pack up my stuff and wave goodbye to the commune.

I'm still groggy when I get back to my real home. My short evening plays out like this- I do a little cleaning, a little mental-sorting, throw a movie on and am asleep by 10. I dream of flying on the backs of butterflies. Not really. That was the only made up part of this story. The rest was real. Real and really glorious.

Glorious, glorious weekend.

First comes love, then comes Europe

2009-06-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad bad blogger... when was my last post? like 2 weeks ago? my oh my... It's been one of those moments where there is too much going on to focus in on any one thing with any amount of coherency. I'll attempt to give a little update.

We'll start with the good. I have been pushing really hard again to get some things going. First of all, I need to be making more money- I haven't even paid my rent for this month yet. So I've been whoring my skills and abilities on Craigslist as usual and have gotten some bites this time. I have spoken with a couple people about doing some singing for them, which is great- session work would be a beautiful gift to me right now. I met with a guy about watching his little 3-year-old and I think I'll probably start that in about a week. I've been painting and I think I'm almost ready to put my stuff up somewhere so I've been talking with couple people about that. I also have an interview with an interior design company that I am incredibly excited (and nervous) about. I also plan on taking my resume to all the interior design companies in Nashville along with a letter I wrote if this one doesn't work out. And lastly, my friend asked me to join his cover band which I think would be really fun. You see, so many things are on the verge.. It's a little overwhelming but I've learned that you have to cast a wide net so I'm sure that once everything plays out, some things will work and others will fall through and hopefully I'll be left with a nice amount of goings-on. These are my efforts to get a little more income flowing without comprimising the track that I'm on- that is the pursuit of creative, inspiring things. What I don't want to have happen is that I end up working fulltime on things that are not moving me forward- i.e. receptionist-ing and babysitting for 40 hours a week. I really feel like I'm making progress right now and thats too much time lost.

The bad things that have been occupying my time are some health issues.. I don't really wanna talk about it too much but I'll just say that my body seems to be freaking out on me and I have no idea why. Started the whole thing off with a UTI and its been one random ailment after another.. now I have 2 big canker sores on the inside of my lip and I swear my lip is swelling because of them. This morning I felt like I was gonna throw up.. that coulda been cause I didn't eat breakfast.. I don't know.. I guess the canker sores could be stress? Anyway, its not been fun, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

So, back to life-y stuff, I have had 2 conversations recently- with Aaron and with my mom- about my ultimate goal and my idea of "success" and I been really doing some reevaluating. Also, in my discussion with my mom I kindof nailed down the 4 things that I am interested in pursuing in my life, they are, in a somewhat particular order: Music (as an artist-writing, playing, singing, performing), Visual Art, Interior Design, and Fashion. And of course, I didn't know where to stick this on the list because I'd like it to be incorporated into everything, but I'd like to serve people. I want my music and art to help people in some way and I also want to use my success to further causes that I believe in.

So, I've been thinking about long-term and short-term goals and here are some ideas- first of all, here is a picture of what I'd like my life to look like right now: Working 25 hours a week as an assistant to an interior designer, selling my paintings at galleries and coffee shops, doing vocal work here and there- sessions and bgv stuff, playing with the cover band (which is good money and practice!), playing shows with Trudy Chase and making clothes as the last priority but just to keep it going then maybe by next year I'd have enough to have a line in Naked Without Us. So that would last for the next year and would build up to next summer when Meredith and I leave for our Europe tour. :) I mean, it sounds like a damn good plan to me.. Then we tour Europe with Trudy Chase for the summer and well, from there, I guess we become international superstars what else? :)

Milestones

2009-05-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Time likes to remind us every now and then that it's passing. Graduations, birthdays, weddings.. Time is carrying you onward or passing you by; your friend or your enemy. Maybe a little of both. Both, because you can't be in two places at once. Both, because you need it for yourself but taking it is leaving someone else. Someone you absentmindedly imagine to be outside of the reality of time's grip but you find yourself the one outside of reality in expecting something to hold against its movement. Our world has laws. Time, space, gravity.. Today I am reminded of my submission to these laws despite my delusions. All this rambling is to say, when you miss something, you miss it. And I missed it. Regardless of the future, I'm forever absent from this part of your past.

Dear Friday,

2009-05-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

Friday, oh Friday. Such a nice day.. But your mornings are so torturous. My heart and mind are already in the glorious weekend but there are still many hours of phone-answering between it and me. After a long week, waking up to you, Friday, feels like an arrival. But I won't be fooled. It's a devastating mentality and I am wise to it. I know where I am. It may be the end of the work week but any one of these hours taken out of the context of TGIF could be a miserable monday morning for the way it feels. Perhaps if I imagine that it's so, I could save myself the heartache that comes with believing in you, Friday. Yes, your evenings are a marvel but don't we have Saturday morning to thank for that if we're really being honest? Think about it: I could go to bed before midnight on any given day of the week and be fine for work the next day but on Friday I can stay out. Why? Well, it's the past midnight hours that really make you the exception, right? And when it passes midnight, why, it's Saturday! So screw you, Friday. You're here but I'm still sitting at my desk trying to entertain myself with mindless rambling in my blog and tonight you won't even become interesting until you are almost over. So, thanks for the 3 hours this evening in which you won't suck but you're gonna have to do better than that. I'll take Saturday over you any day.

Sincerely.

One more pic..

2009-05-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

My computer is happy today so it's allowing me to post another pic of my living room for you.. Here tis! (I love this part of the room!)

The Finishing Stages (of what will never be finished)

2009-05-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

The floor was shining white and I was ready to put my furniture back and bask in the sparkle. First up- the entry table, since it was awkwardly residing in the middle of the bathroom. I went to move it the short distance form bathroom to hall aaannnd... scratch. damn damn damn. My basking would have to be postponed since, obviously, some sort of sealing was in order here. After a moment on Ask.com I learned that I needed a water-based polyurethane floor sealer. Lowe's here I come (again). As familiar as I am getting with the store, I quickly found what I needed, scanned the label and- wait, what is this? "For painted wood, clean and sand away gloss". I'm sorry, wha?? I just painted with glossy paint! My sister and I looked at each other. I read the label one more time, shouted a few profanities a bit too loudly for public, and jerked the can off the shelf. When we arrived home, Meredith and I knelt in a corner with sandpaper in hand, making toddler whiny faces at each other and I said, "Let's just not.." After a moment she said, "Yeah, you know what? I doesn't really need to be sealed.." And that was all the convincing I needed. So we just said screw it. If the paint starts chipping later, we'll deal with it then. So then we got straight to the fun part! Of course, its not done, there are several things missing but it feels like a living room finally! So without further adu....
Tada!

I'll put a couple more pictures up later but right now my internet is being a little bitch.

Anyway, the next orders of business are: getting another set of twin mattresses to make the L sofa (which will change the layout completely!), getting a little cart for the TV, something for the kitchen for more counter space/storage since the table is coming out (I just found a butcher block top island on craigslist but am waiting to hear back!), a bookshelf, and then hanging all the art. And of course getting the bedroom into functioning condition.. sooo, a lot to do.

Let there be light..

2009-05-11T06:50:00.000-07:00

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I hope you had a lovely weekend and that your mothers enjoyed their days yesterday. I think my mom did. Well, the second half at least. I got over to her house at around 4 and she was in a bit of a funk. She said that Mother's Day is usually pretty disappointing (wow I'm a terrible daughter)and then she started crying. Happy Mother's Day. Actually, we just got onto a subject that she got a little emotional about. But then we made chocolate-covered strawberries and went for a walk. Then my brother and sister came and we had dinner- taco salad with Katie's famous "Rock-amole"- and presents and such. I think she liked that part. Overall, not too shabby I hope. She is actually going through a bit of a hard time right now so I hope we did something to lighten things up, if only for a day.

In other news- very exciting news that is- I am pleased to announce that I have a progress report on the apartment! So this weekend... well, how about I just explain it in a thousand words?

On your mark..

Get set..

Tada!!

Then we had a little private concert by a member of the band Love and Theft. It was pretty spectacular.

So, now we are waiting on the maintenance guy to come lay the quarter round trim. I don't think he's gonna get to it all that soon, however, so I think I'm going to set up the living room without it and then just have to move everything again when he comes..

This evening I am picking up 2 very exciting Craig's List finds- This ikea jute 6X8rug for $50

and this ikea table for $25

Here's a bit more detail on the plan for our apartment. I didn't have a sofa when we first moved in so I had this idea- partly as a solution to my sister and I sharing a one bedroom and partly cause I thought it was a unique idea- to make a "sofa" out of twin mattresses (so I could sleep in the living room but it would still look like a living room). It was an idea I got out of an issue of my beloved Domino Magazine (RIP). In the magazine it was a sort of play room and a much larger space than what we have, and they had used 3 sets of twin mattresses (we are going to just use 2) to form an L shaped sofa. So when we moved in I set my twin mattress and box on the floor and made a box around it with wood that I painted white (see?). I used large pillows to form a "back" of the sofa. I never bought the second set of mattresses, though, because I kept changing my mind about what I wanted to do. Some days I wanted to just get a regular sofa, and then I had this idea to make a back to just the one with shelves... BUT now I am sure and I am going to follow through. Its back to the original idea. It will be in the corner of the room that has no windows and it will be a little cove of fluffy white pillows and yumminess. I will paint the box around the bottom the same color as the floor so it will almost seem trimmed out. I think it will have a really cool lofty feel. The TV will be right at the end of one of the sofas on a rolling cart (its a very small flat TV). Then across the room, right under the windows will be the new table and 2 chairs. The chairs are very rustic so I think it will be a cool contrast with the stark mod table. Where the rest of the stuff is going is a little up in the air but there will probly be a small desk and a shelf somewhere. The feel will be open and bright and comfy and airy. A lot of white with fun pops of color.
Here are a few pictures that inspire me.

Ok, well thats all the update I have on Project 208 for right now. I will put up pics soon of the new stuff I'm getting tonight!

Greg Gives the Go Ahead

2009-05-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, a quick update- Ol' boy landlord came by and looked at the flooring surprise (remember the crackhead green diamond pattern?).. Now Ol' man Greg is an interesting man. And by interesting I mean boring and utterly emotionless. So I had no idea what to expect from his reaction.. Of course he said wow this is ridiculous, who would do such a thing, but he did not get mad at us. (phew..) Then we began discussing our options and he threw out-
"well we can just paint it like a dark brown.."
(GASP! oh good lord, please no.) i responded, calmly, with a hmm.. yes.. and then my dear brave sister says, "well, actually we were thinking about painting it white.."
I braced myself.
"Ok, yeah, that could look nice, especially with all the windows in here, there'd be so much light."
(YESSS!! Greg I love you!!)
And with my new confident in Greg's openmindedness, I added, "I've also seen it done with a high gloss and it looks pretty great.."
"Ok, sure.. And I'll cover the cost of the paint."
(Greg, will you marry me?)

So, needless to say, Mere and I are jumpin all over that puppy and pretty soon our place will be sparklin Domino-style.

Unanonymousification

2009-05-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

My last post was entirely unnecessary. I realize that. It's ok, just let it happen. (Kelly would.. ooh! what!)

(you don't get it, its ok)

(wow, overboard on the parenthysis..)

(this may not be the best blog to lead the unanonymousificating..)

whatev.

So, first of all, yes, I am going vegan. So far so good. Except sometimes I just completely forget things. For example, yesterday we had free lunch at work for cinco de mayo. I make my 'toppings taco' (lettuce, pico, guac- in a taco).. and I'm carefully avoiding the cheese, sour cream, and even the charro beans cause you know, they have.. well, something bad in them i'm sure.. and then after filling my plate I top it off with a brownie. hmm. (brownies are made with eggs.. and milk) oops..
It'll just take some getting used to I suppose.. I'll probly talk more about this later.

Moving on to point #2. The apartment.
There has, unfortunately, been a significant lack of funds with which to move this project along, however, I do have a couple updates for you. Here's the first:

Why yes those are termites. I know, how exciting! No worries though, good ol' Maintenance Man Ralph took care of us.

"Did you call?"
"yes."
"Am I here?"
"yes."
"See, I'm a good man."

...

"You need anything else while I'm here? Cause you know I'm sweet on you redheads.."
"hm, um, nope, that's all.. Thanks Ralph."

There are a couple new pieces of art on the walls but hopefully they won't stay there.. (hopefully they will be sold)
The first one, I really like-

The second, I'm not in love with. I don't think it's done but I don't know what it needs. I'll come up with something I'm sure..

And the 3rd thing I was gonna say, I have completely forgotten. I can't remember what the 3 in 1 thing was.. wish I could cause it could've been the redeemer of this otherwhise quite boring post. But alas, it remains an uninteresting welcome to any new readers that may have come from the unanonymousification. Yeah, its a word. now.. This post is like a fully clothed woman slowly and quietly emerging from a medium sized cake in front of only a handful of people, muttering "Happy Birthday" as she wipes bits of icing off of her clothes.

Lunch is in 4 minutes.

2009-05-06T09:56:00.001-07:00

But when I come back I will:

1)Discuss my going vegan

2)Update you on the progress of the apartment

3)Give you a 3 in 1 addition to my 25 things list (you thought i forgot didn't you?)

ok, brb.

My Fall 2009 Accessory Lineup

2009-05-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Optional Post Titles:
I Want to Kiss Diane Von Furstenburg on the Mouth.

Things I Will Never Own

Here's the reason for the first one:

I'm just in love. I want to rub this bag all over my body. Is that weird?

Here's her tearing it up in the shoe realm:

It's like walking on sex.

Dries Van Noten gave me a couple little somethins to swoon over:

Dolce and Gabbana.. I mean, come on, what can I say? If I were wearing any of these shoes I would do myself.

And then Donna Karen gave me this pretty little number. What a color!

I'm gonna have to do a part 2 of this post cause there are several more I'd like to show you but I have run out of time. So, to be continued...

Peace on Earth

2009-04-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

Isn't man an amazing animal? He kills wildlife by the millions in order to protect his domestic animals and their feed. Then he kills domestic animals by the billions and eats them. This in turn kills man by the millions, because eating all those animals leads to degenerative--and fatal--health conditions like heart disease, kidney disease, and cancer. So then man tortures and kills millions more animals to look for cures for these diseases. Elsewhere, millions of other human beings are being killed by hunger and malnutrition because food they could eat is being used to fatten domestic animals. Meanwhile, some people are dying of sad laughter at the absurdity of man, who kills so easily and so violently, and once a year sends out cards praying for "Peace on Earth."

--Preface from Old MacDonald's Factory Farm, by C. David Coates

The YouTube-Off

2009-04-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

You know what I'm talking about.. The YouTube battle.. it goes like this:

"oh man! you gotta see this video! it's hilarious-"

"ok!"

"ahhahahahaha"

"hilarious! ...oh dude, check out this one-"

"ahhahahaha"

"thats ridiculous! but watch this."

"ahahahaha"

"ok, take this-"

"heh.. well you gotta see this one its funnier than anything you've EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE-"

"hrrmmm.. I guess.. But not as funny as THIS!"

"whatever..."

I swear there's some law of nature that says one YouTube video cannot be played alone. I can't stand it.

But since I own this blog I can do what I want and I'm going to show you 2 videos in a row and not watch any of yours. ha.

first up.. appparently this is the voice of a guy alone in a room on an acid trip.. and it freaking cracks me up...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRsE1OEtcuM&feature=related

And THIS one is a good example of a follow-up. Funny, but not funny enough to show EVERYONE at a party or something.. So if you're not at a party, watch this and you'll probly laugh. plus the guy's cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRsE1OEtcuM

So there.

Dear My Body,

2009-04-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

Look, I'm really sorry about this past week but I wanted to let you know that I do appreciate you taking one for the team. Mind and Spirit thank you. They really needed it. I know you worked hard night and day to process the alcohol and junk food and to keep up with the eratic schedule. I know your were confused as to why there was more beer flowing than water, why you were forced to keep tired legs moving into the wee hours of the morning, and why you had to scour cheese quesadillas for any usable nutrients with which to do so. I'm sorry that when you needed water, I gave you gin, and when you cried out for a bed, I gave you a dance floor. You needed vegetables and well.. at least you got a couple Luna bars right? Ok, i know.. not enough.. I know that your requests for rest were denied and quieted with lattes and Red Bulls. Truly, I am sorry, you know I don't make a habit of this but I have to try and please everyone and well, Mind was going a little stir-crazy. She felt old and needed a good exercize of her youth. And come on, you had a good time right? Well, Mind is feelin good. Spirit is feeling free. We're all feeling alive. Now I know you think we take everything you have to do to keep us that way for granted but I promise we don't. To prove it, the next few days, its all about you. You're gonna get vegetables! and sleep! and water! and vitamins! you're gonna love it. How's this sound- a little steamed veggies over brown rice, a movie on the sofa just before a 9 pm bedtime, a brisk walk in the morning, fresh juice and maybe even a nap or 2. How's that sound huh? And I promise no more craziness til.. at least next weekend.

Thanks again,
Katie

ps. oh and sorry also about having you stabbed with a needle for an hour and a half and injected with ink.. but I promise you'll be ok. you already look cooler.

Goin crazy crazy crazy..

2009-04-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

...just a-thinkin about you babbaaaayyyy

um, anyway.

I feel very stressed right now but I can't figure out what to do about it. I was supposed to leave for Texas the day after tomorrow but now I am leaving tomorrow morning.. I feel like I have a bunch of stuff to do but can't figure out what it is or how to use my time at work to get anything done! I'm not even sure what it is that i feel like I have to get done before I leave.. I think it's a bunch of stuff that I was planning on doing but that doesn't necessarily have to be done before I leave.. The only thing that really has to be done is that I have to pack.. The other things that I was wanting to do are: 1) get my lip pierced, which I have been waiting to go with Tawni and she has been waiting on the tattoo artist to draw up her tattoo and it was possibly gonna be done today but maybe not til tomorrow, but now tomorrow will be too late. 2) Get my hair done. The story on this is that I really wanted to get it colored before the trip but my friend who does my hair wasn't getting back to me so I got impatient last night and picked up a box and did it myself.. bad idea. it doesn't look bad but it's just not the color I wanted AT ALL. way darker than i was going for. So I talked to her yesterday and she's gonna let me know when she can fit me in to fix it.. but it pretty much has to be today BUT i don't get off til 5.. yeah. 3) I need to go to the store and buy some things for the trip but I don't get paid til tomorrow- oh that's another thing in this whole situation- I have zero dollars til tomorrow so I was planning on doing ALL OF THIS tomorrow! Sooo... It's really not a big deal, I can shop when we get into town or wednesday morning as we head out.. 4) I wanted to get one painting done or at least started before I left. thats not gonna happen.
How is one day making such a big difference?? Somehow it is. What will probably end up happening is this- Courtney (hair girl) won't have time today (and even if she does, remember? no money! i'd have to write her a check..), Tawni's tattoo artist won't be done by today, I'll go home and pack and then leave for my trip tomorrow with ugly hair, wondering what I was stressing out about. :) just like that. but for now, it just feels very out of control.

Project 208

2009-04-13T09:20:00.001-07:00

I think I may start using this blog to chrono.. um, chronolo... chronologize? is that a word? anyway, I'm gonna keep track of everything that I'm doing to my apartment. Here's why-
Last week, Mere decided to investigate into what was lying beneath our old, stained, disgusting carpet and so she lifted up a corner in the hall and "aaahhhhh" (angelic chorus), there was beautiful hardwood floors. So we got our landlord's permission to rip it all up and we said we'd do whatever finishing was needed on the floors. So a-ripping we went until we discovered why the carpets had been laid on top of such marvelous floors- a marvelous green and white [freehand] painted checkerboard pattern. If I had a name and location for whoever did this, I swear I would kill them... or at least call them a retard and throw something at them... or paint them with green and white checkers and say "how do YOU like it?? huh??" Seriously? So now, my house looks like this:

Its ok though cause I would pretty much take ANYTHING over the carpet that we had. We couldn't even walk barefoot or our feet would eventually be black. I know. gross.
I have always loved interior design. i worked in the field a couple years ago and I loved it. Now though, I am very broke so it makes it a challenging thing to create the feeling that I would like to in my space. But I welcome it. My new floors (however bizarre) have re-ignited the fire and excitement I had when I initially moved into my place (because flooring aside, i think its a very cool place). So i think I will start keeping you updated on the process of turning a tiny, shared, green and white checkered, yellow linoleum-ed, creaking, cracking, upstairs apartment into a cove of artistic inspiration, interest, warmth and cozy-ness. AND you'll see just how cheap I can be in doing the whole thing! I'm calling it Project 208.
So there's picture number one. (pardon the mess!)
And soon I'll take more pics get you up to speed on what in going on in it so far.

"Post-Christian"

2009-04-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a week! oops..

Here are a couple of things for you while I gather my thoughts:

"[Nashville is] a transition town... It moves like a dream. Changes constantly."
-Juliette

and this:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/192583/page/1

Emotional Allergies

2009-04-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

"It's almost like you're hiding something in plain sight... you're putting your feelings out there, but people are really only picking up on their own."

-My bff-eva, Heather Smith, hitting the nail on the head in describing the intimacy of songwriting in her first ever interview! (thanks for putting that into words! you are so right!) Read more charm, brilliance and wit here. (this is actually quite funny to me because i'm pretty sure she's the only one that reads this.)

So good mornian everyone. That's how Jay Z says good morning to Beyonce. I'm pretty sure. Well, I have some news to report. Last night, Ol' Boy and I broke up on disappointingly mutual terms. Apparently he didn't realize that you're not supposed to give up something like this so easily [points up and down at self]. But I've always known he has a lot to learn. I just hope it doesn't hit him to hard when he realizes what he's done. For me though, it's definitely a good thing. Truth is, I really don't date very much, therefore, I don't break up very much and you know what? It kinda sucks. It's like someone took all my least favorite emotions and made prison mush out of them and then made me eat it. And then I choked on it. Ok maybe not the choking.. i mean lets be honest i'm not that upset. You know when something happens that you expect to be upset about and so you kinda brace yourself for the emotions? you let it settle for a moment and you think "am i gonna cry about this?"... and waiting... welp, guess not. too bad.. that coulda been a good cry. oh well.. oh yay there's a top model marathon on! yeah you know that whole deal. But even though I couldn't care enough to cry, there was still this annoying pressure- like emotional allergies. I'm functional but annoyed.
I also have this little problem called being extremely competitive. This is a strange and interesting factor when it comes to relationships because it gives a feeling of failure in a situation like this. And when i feel like I've failed I have to try again. I have to fix it and I have to win. That was a strange sensation while trying to wallow in break up self pity- feeling like going out, getting another one, and trying again. I'm a weird one. That desire is mostly gone today, thank God. I am feeling relieved of that stressful and confusing relationship and delighted to be back on the field where I belong. Should be a good week.

Brilliance

2009-03-27T11:50:00.000-07:00

So, I was talking with this girl yesterday and together we happened upon brilliance. sheer brilliance. Here is our idea:

Rent is a big waste of money right? What if, for the spring/summer season- or whenever the weather is nice- you lived out of your car? It's so nice outside and just 4 months of not paying rent would pay of one of my biggest debts! 4 months may be a little long but even 2 months would cut it in half. Or, if you didn't have debt, you could quickly save up for something, or jump start your savings, OR even save up a chunk to start investing! Then you could just keep growing this small amount of money (if you knew what you were doing) and become rich and people would ask you how you did it and you would say: I slept in my car for the summer.

I've taken this idea and thought about how I could adapt the concept to something a little more realistic for my life. That would be a combination of living in my parents garage, couch-surfing, and sleeping in my car. I think doing this from, say, April to June (or even July) would be reasonable. You couldn't really tell people what you are doing; you'd have to make it seem like you were in between houses or something, or they may feel it is unfair for them to be paying rent and you sleeping on their couch for free. I think I know enough people though that the couch part would be very spread out and no one would feel like I was abusing their generosity. Here's a more detailed plan: I move out and ask my parents if I can keep some stuff in their garage. Hopefully they say yes but I can also rent a storage unit for some of my furniture (this may come in handy for sleeping one day), I would inform my parents of my plan and offer my services as a babysitter and random task do-er in exchange for them putting up with my silly plan. They should be ok with this because they are among those that will be paid back. One of the things that I thought would be an issue would be my keyboard- i have to have a place to write music and practice. This is solved by leaving it set up in the garage where I would practice with my drummer who just happens to be my step-dad. bam. I keep a suitcase in the car so that I have what I need wherever I end up spending the night. I would join the YMCA which would only be like $20 a month cause I make jack shit. I could shower and change and stuff there. Here is an example of what a typical week would look like for me: Monday: work til 5, volunteer to babysit for my parents earning me a night's stay (indoors!) and a meal. Tuesday: breakfast at mom's, run errands, go shopping with the money that i'm not paying in rent (just kidding, that money is all going towards productive things, plus- i have no closet), go to a show or something fun, sleep in my car. Wednesday: get up early and go to the gym, shower and dress for work there, go to work, get off work at 5, go hang out with Pricilla and crash at her place. Thursday: roam around during the day, take my laptop to Fido, get work done, and back to the rents' house that night, practice some music and sleep in the garage. Friday: go to work, off at 5, and party! The possibilities are endless for the weekend. It's entirely acceptable to crash at a party site so if there's a fun party going on then I'd do that. There's also camping which is fun, or visiting someone in a close-by city. Weekends are also a good time to go play some shows outside of Nashville. Saturday: continue with fun weekend plans. stay at some one's house, or in car. Sunday: church, go out to lunch, hang out at the park, gym for shower, dinner at parents and sleep in the garage or the car.

See? Piece of cake! And the best part of it all- my life becomes quite exciting!

Here's the biggest problem with making this a reality: My lease is up in October.. Not the best time to do this kind of this cause it will be getting cold- summer is definitely the best. I couldn't sign a short enough lease to be out in time for the next summer though.. herein lies the biggest glitch in the fantastically flawless plan. So, what may end up happening is that I just do it for the month of October until the garage gets too cold. That's better than nothing and I could still save a good 800 bucks.

I hope you don't think I'm kidding. No, I'm gonna do it. And it will be awesome.

Something of interest..

2009-03-25T14:21:00.001-07:00

http://www.style.com/stylefile/2009/03/lauren-bush-beyond-the-feed-bag/

blah blah blah (The 'Monday's on a Wednesday)

2009-03-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd like to say that I don't get Twitter. Someone please enlighten me. I just don't know what it is or does. thanks.

Next, I'd really like to be in my bed right now. Oh how I would like to be sleeping instead of sitting at this desk. The damn phone is ringing off the hook. Someone just kill me now. It's gonna be one of those days. For sure.

Well, I guess I should take advantage of this mood and the rain and go for a little rant. does that sound like fun? It does to me. Ok, what shall we rant about today? Oh I know. Ok. This boy. I suppose we are dating, or something. He confuses and frustrates me. I like him, but I'm still waiting for something. Some romance. Something to make me feel giddy. I guess I should just let it go shouldn't I? I mean, 2 months and I'm still trying to coax some sparks out of wet matches. Still, its teetering on the edge and I can't make myself just give up on it just yet, even though it's clearly lacking. It's like searching for a word thats on the tip of your tongue. Yes, it's just like that, and just as frustrating. But it's just right there and you know you're about to think of it! You see, I enjoy hanging out with him, I like things about him, and who [I think] he is, but it doesn't feel like how I think it should, or how it has felt in the past. I suppose someone reading this would be like, um, obviously it's not working and you need to move on, but you don't understand... it's really on the tip of my tongue! That's the best description I can think of. It's so close and I'm not ready to give up on it. (I just re-read this and I would like to go back and touch on the "something to make me feel giddy" part.) You see, I felt that in the beginning. I was super excited when I met him and I was all about it. I was ready to dive in- I wanted to find out who he was and where he came from and share things with him and just, well, you know, fall.. That's how I am- I'm an artist, I am passionate, I am obsessive. If I hear a song I like, I will listen to it on repeat literally for days. One song. Over and over. When I see something I like- I- I love it! I mean I go crazy for it! (The Notebook, anyone?) Anyways, that's how I am but he's obviously not that way. When the initially appealing formality of the first date continued through the next couple weeks, my passion began to feel incredibly suppressed by what was turning into cordial monotony. He's.. not as alive as I would like. Maybe I can wake him up. Even as I write this I am torn directly down the middle. directly. I keep expecting one side to take over but I am rewarded no clarity. none. Something will have to give eventually right? Maybe being in the middle is just as well as hating the guy. Who wants to be in the middle when it comes to love? But what is the force making me hang on, just to see? just in case.

Moving on to other things. I had some strange dreams last night.. I don't really feel like trying to recount... It would be very hard to describe. Aaron was in it though, he was home for a couple days. And there was a very strange part with two different old flames.. They kept sort of switching places.. thats all that is really translatable (is that a word?)

I finished a painting yesterday.. wanna see? Ok, here it is-

It's charcoal and acrylic.. from an old photograph of my grandmother.

Over share of the day: So, fiber is good for you right? digestive system.. all that good stuff. Well, let me tell you, I don't usually drink coffee- I normally go for tea. Some days, however, like today, just require it. I take 2 sips though and I'm in the bathroom. I mean, if you wanna talk about digestive health? Coffee really does the job, when it comes to cleaning me out. haha. ok, I'm done.

You know one song that DOES NOT get old to me? Imogen Heap, Hide and Seek. I know its on every indie soundtrack ever and I've heard it millions of times (it was one of those that i played on repeat for probly a week straight)- but I still absolutely love it. I am listening to a mix I made probly a year ago. A mix for when I wanted to mope about lost love. I'm not moping about lost love today I just really like a lot of the songs on it. It has Hide And Seek as well as some other gems such as You Are Mine by MuteMath, The Special Two by.. (oh what's her name.. can't think of it), I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon.. something (damnit, i'm not doing very well on this..) Anyway.. oh yeah- Heath! Brandon Heath. good song. Oh and The Astronaut Suit, 40 days, check it out.

I feel especially suppressed today. I generally feel that way, just kinda as a rule. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I'll try and explain. I feel like a caged animal. haha, no really! There is this crazy aimless-earth-roaming hippie inside of me that is so squelched its almost painful sometimes.. I don't really know what to do about it. I am trying to make things happen in my life, but in order to do that I can't appease my whims to just get up and go. I am working, to pay off debt, and try to save money, and pursue things that I think will eventually appease my appetite- in the proper way. The proper way being something like getting my shit together and taking my music on the road, or getting a song cut so that I am financially free to do some of the things that I want. You know, just generally making a living doing something that I actually care about and something that is actually lasting. (re-reading to make sure any of this makes any sense at all.... ok, let me try again-)
Examples of what I want to do: 1. Get in my car and drive to Louisiana and to meet up with Aaron and then go with him to NY- just for the hell of it. 2. Take all my money and buy a ticket to Ireland and go hang out with Kacie. 3. Drive to Texas. 4. Sell my shit and start wandering around.
What I need to be doing/what I will do instead: 1. Continue sitting here, racking up the $12/hour. 2. Go home and write songs, practice and work. 3. Stay home and save my money.
Someday it will pay off. I will be financially free to do what I want and I can roam the earth without being a homeless person. Maybe I can do some good while I'm at it (have you noticed how much fun I am having with the italics today?)

Ok, you see why this post is entitled 'Blah Blah Blah'? Cause I am definitely blah blah blah-ing today. But its actually really making me feel a lot better. Very therapeutic- this whole writing my thoughts and feelings thing. Thank you for listening, Blogspot.

why god why.

2009-03-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

It's 7:30 on a friday night- an odd time for me to be writing in my blog, since it's not a monday, wednesday or friday between 8 and 5, and because generally speaking, i have a life. So, I got home from work about 2 hours ago. I came home with admittedly high hopes for the evening. I poured myself a glass of wine, texted a few people to see what's going on, made a little food, ate that food, felt ravenous, made more food, ate that food, poured another glass of wine, got a few disappointing texts back, consoled myself with some ice cream, determined to keep an open mind about the evening- i don't need anyone, i can have a great friday night all by myself! turned on the tv- still waiting for a call about a super awesome party that just wouldn't be the same without me, quickly got bored with the tv, tried to put in a movie, dicovered that my dvd player is broken, switched back to the tv and found that Mickey Blue Eyes had just started- which i've never seen- so I popped popcorn, ate all the popcorn, decided that I MUST be pmsing because i felt like i could burst from my skin and do/eat everything in existence, walked to the corner store and did not look the attendant in the eyes when i brought my purchases forward- a glamour magazine and a box of chips ahoy, came home, poured another glass of wine, decided to temporarily give up on life, un-paused Mickey Blue Eyes, and finally- to catch us up to the present- re-paused it when I decided that my blog readers needed to know about the debauchery that was taking place on my friday night. Feel completely free to judge, however, I am reminded of a particular Bible story- something about throwing the first stone.. hm.. anyway, now that you know what my week is ending in, I hope you can go out into your evening of dinner parties, friend gatherings, bars, shows, dates, night clubs, and other socially acceptable pastimes feeling secure in the fact that no matter what sour turn your night may take, it could definitely be worse, and absolutely be more pathetic.

Mario Testino

2009-03-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

Hello Mario. You have seen his pictures. You've ooh-ed, you've aww-ed. Now meet the man.
Here he is posing with one of the pictures that shot him to the top in the world of photography.

Now he's sought after for everything from Burberry ads to bottled water ads (smart water- Jennifer Aniston) to Album covers for people like, oh, um, i don't know- Madonna! yeah.. anyway, I've looked at some 20 pages of a google-image-search of him and here are some of my favorites. Note that these are my favorites and I tend to like a certain style so if he seems limited it's only because of the ones i've selected, cause trust me- he's anything but.

Of course he frames each shot perfectly; of course his technical abilities are flawless; of course the lighting touches his subjects in a way that you would swear he shoots it from his fingertips. But how do you teach someone to capture that something in someone's face? It's like his camera is a laser of truth. You feel like you can see directly into the soul of the person being photographed. And if you don't feel that way, then it's because he purposefully masked the peep-hole with mystery that leaves you feeling as if your life depends on knowing their secret.

I've been ripping ads out of Vogue magazine since I was 12. Its because of people like him and because a bottled water ad can be an incredible artistic work.

Wunderkind

2009-03-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

I know I've said this before but there is a big difference between style and fashion. Its the difference between dressing yourself well and creating art. There are obvious extremes but as you approach the line between the two, it begins to blur. This is normally where I enjoy myself. I am attracted to the wearable art. The place where you are making a statement but not interrupting people's lives with outrageousness. When I watch the runways, I am processing the pieces and how they could transcend to the street. My favorites tend to be the ones that I could actually see myself wearing (not to be confused with 'affording') All of this is say, sometimes you just have to appreciate the art. And this is art. You actually could wear this stuff-one piece at a time of course- but overall, the presentation is quite eccentric. They way they put it all together.. wow, I just thought it was breath-taking. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.. Alice in Wunderkind? hm? no? ok...

I would also like to say that I am still really enjoying Adele. The Beatles-esque breakdown in Cold Shoulder is perfect. amazing. LOVE it. Very inspiring to me.

You don't know what you've got til its gone...

2009-03-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

9:45am
Sitting at my desk. Listening to Adele. "I need to get away to feel again." Popping Ricolas like candy.

9:48am
This day is made up of minutes. 3 just passed. Now if that can only happen 408 more times...

9:49am
Slowly but surely, huh?

Ok, I promise I won't count down the minutes of the day via blogging. That would surely be an all-time low.

(9:50am)

(sorry...)

"There aint no room in my bed as far as I'm concerned"

The things that are on my mind right now are:

1. Aaron- he left last weekend for Texas. Plan is to interview with a guy there to go on the road with him around the world filming- i forget for what exactly.. If that doesn't work out, he's going to Louisiana to work with his Grandpa (again, i forget doing what exactly..) and then to NYC to work with the National Arts Movement (i think thats what its called) people.. So basically, it wasn't quite true when he said he'd only be gone for a month. I'm very happy for him though, he really needed to go. I am truly excited to see what happens. He's an amazing person. I definitely miss him though. And I know that I will continue to miss him. I actually hope he is in Texas for a while though cause I am going there this summer and we could hang out!

10:38am

I was on the phone with my sister for a while which passed a nice chunk of time beautifully. Random note, my boss told me yesterday that if our business doesn't do better within the next year that they may start laying people off. I'd be first. I thought to myself, if I'm still working here in a year it wouldn't matter cause I'd probly kill myself.

Ok, #2 of what's on my mind:
Trudy Chase- Trudy Chase is a lifestyle that will be on sale soon. This comes from Aaron wisdom. He says merch is the best way for us to make the money to keep it going with Trudy. Our artwork, our clothes, our music (of course- but even before we have an actual record, we'll make an ep with the couple songs we have recorded plus some live recordings), our style and our lifestyle.

#3- I'm thinking about going somewhere this weekend. Anywhere. Just driving somewhere.. Not sure where though. Plus, I do this every friday pretty much. And I never go anywhere. I'm too broke. I just got paid though.. hm.. Where should i go? Kentucky? I wish I knew someone in Louisville.. it's a cool place. Memphis? nope. scary.. plus i don't know anyone there either.. Maybe I'll just spend the weekend in Franklin with the fellas.. If it was nice outside I would go camping. But its very cold. I wonder if Jonathan is still in Indiana, or wherever he was.. maybe i could go there for the weekend.. In all likelyhood, my weekend will go like this- go home after work.. call a couple people, wait and see if Jason will call, probly get some dinner with him, go out, wake up late tomorrow, clean, find something to do, go out, wake up late Sunday, maybe make it to church, come home, clean, bum around, go out, sleep, work monday morning. thrilling. haha, actually its not bad at all, i always have fun with my friends but I'm just a restless soul and I always want to go somewhere.. different. i get bored easily. I need change all the time. Maybe I'll just go home and rearrange my furniture.

"I need to get away to feel again."

Diva is the female version of a Hustler

2009-03-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Beyonce. Good to know.

Well, it was very lovely outside this weekend and I accomplished my goal of spending the majority of my time outdoors in it. Friday after work, a friend and I went in search of a 'veranda', although we weren't 100% sure what that is exactly- it just seemed appropriate for the weather. We found a nice restaurant with a patio and some drink specials and thought we must be close so we settled there for happy hour. From there we met up with my sister and some friends before joining in on some CRS festivities with my brother and all of his label people. Saturday was walk, picnic, watermelon, walk, park, frisbe, cookout, downtown. In that order and just as perfect as it sounds. Sunday, Mere and I (after sleeping til noon) helped our step-dad (and drummer) get his studio set up in the garage and then after the sun went down we joined in on another cookout! This one was complete with bonfire and smores. Uh-mazing. Man.. that was a great weekend.

So here I am now- Monday morning. And we're starting off strong! So you know my financial situation and how I'm trying to start moving toward making money doing things that i actually enjoy. Well, last week I decided that it would be smart to get a little part time restaurant job so I went looking. There was one possibility that may or may not be falling through. Either way, seeing the smiley girl at the front in her black pants and white tucked-in botton-down and then trying to sell my guest-seating abilities to the entirely too serious restaurant manager- well, it was enough to reignite the fire under my bum. So this morning I hit craigslist and began whoring all of my abilities- singing, decorating, organizing, NOT guest-seating or phone-answering. Hopefully, I get some interest!

"I think we're dead.."

2009-03-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

This is hilarious and seems like a nice follow-up to a previous post. enjoy.

I <3 Superheroes

2009-03-04T06:35:00.000-08:00

which is why i am embarrassingly excited about this.

Wolverine is my second love, next to Spiderman. Spiderman's nostalgic for me; he was the youthful crush and my first love. Thats not something you ever get over. He will forever remain my #1 Superhero. Come on though, its Wolverine. um, yes please?

More fashion for ya

2009-02-27T14:12:00.001-08:00

This is a video of highlights from fashion week in Paris for Spring 2009 collections. I have checked out a lot of the fall stuff but I'm just so ready for the weather to warm up that I find it hard to appreciate the wintery looks. This, however is exactly what i am ready for. enjoy.

Why the hell not...

2009-02-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

One of those weird quiz things... It's not even 9 am which means there is really no hope for this day :\

A
- Available: Anywhere, anytime.
- Age:23
- Annoyance: snoring
- Animal: not a huge animal person.. but i still don't eat them

B
- Beer: Shiner Bock- for sentimental reasons, Miller lite for my love handles and my pocket book
- Birthday: Dec. 9th
- Best Friend: I'd say my sister but she's not very nice to me.* so.. Heather (hey heath!)
- Body Part on opposite sex: eyes
- Best feeling in the world: driving on a nice day with the windows down and a great song playing
- Been in Love: very much so
- Been on stage?: you mean my home? ahhaha...
- Believe in Magic: nope
- Believe in Santa: nope

C
- Candy: anything chocolate. (I'll wet myself for dark dark dark chocolate.. even though it's never really been necessary..)
- Color: green
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate
- Chinese/Mexican Food: really? i'm from Texas.
- Cake or pie: cake!
- Continent to visit: Any of them except this one.. Probably Europe first
- Cheese: mmm

D
- Day or Night: day, then night.
- Dancing in the rain: sure

E
- Eyes: mine? brown- actually they're pretty much the same color as my hair..
- Everyone's got: that somethin
- Ever failed a class?: you betcha

F
- First thoughts waking up: "I need to get up"
- Food: oh man, i love food. sushi, indian, mexican, italian..

G
- Greatest Fear: failure
- Goals: to have a successful music career
- Gum: eclipse polar ice
- Get along with your parents: yep

H
- Hair Color: red
- Height: 5'7"
- Happy: most of the time
- Holiday: all of them!
- How do you want to die: i don't know, surprise me

I
- Ice Cream: cookie dough
- Instrument: piano

J
-Jewelry: pendant necklaces
-Job: sit around and try and entertain myself with things like this for 8 hours

K
- Kids: I'm sure some maternal instinct will kick in eventually
- Kickboxing or karate: I've always wanted to kickbox

L
- Love: absolutely
- Letter: K
-Laughed so hard you cried: hanging with my friend esther back in the day

M
- Milk flavor: soy
- Movie: science of sleep
- Motion sickness: not really
- McD’s or BK: BK, they have veggie burgers!

N
- Number: i don't give out my number..

O
- One Wish: I know its lame to say money, but if i had money it would really help me out.. I just want to be able to do all my art without trying to figure out how will make a living for me

P
- Perfect Pizza: I used to work a place called Tuscany Market- it's closed now but we used to make a pizza that was just heaven on earth, let's see if i can remember whats on it.. sun-dried tomatos, fresh tomatos, chevre.. I know there were some other things.. maybe onions or basil or spinach or something.. and there was a sort of canadian bacon but i took it off, but the crowning glory was.. (wait for it..) truffle oil!! oh. my. goodness. it was amazing. and i think i'm going to have to make that sometime actually.
- Pepsi/Coke: Dr. Pepper

Q
- Quail: huh?
- Quote: It's better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and release all doubt

R
- Reason to cry: there are lots
- Reality T.V.: kinda over it at the moment
- Radio Station: lightning 100
- Roll your tongue in a circle: yup
- Ring size: why do you ask?

S
- Song: of the moment? i just wrote one the other day that I really like- called.. um, whats it called? I think it'll be called "Wandering"
- Shoe size: 10 (i know..)
- Salad Dressing: goddess dressing! Uh-mazing!
- Sushi: yes, all over my body please.
- Skinny dipped?: you know it ;)
- Shower?: why yes i do
- Strawberries/Blueberries: strawberries

T
- Tattoos?: one, but hopes of more
- Time for bed: I've been doing this new thing lately called trying to get enough sleep, so around 11 or 12
- Thunderstorms: love them!

U
- Unpredictable: probably less than i think

V
- Vacation spot(s): Perfect North Slopes :)

W
- Weakness: chocolate and blue eyes
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Heather? or maybe i act like her..
- Who makes you laugh the most: wow, so many people are coming to mind.. Aaron Thomas, um, Heather (again), my sister, Bryan Pulver (back in the day)
- Worst feeling: putting your foot in your mouth (not that i know anything about that)
- Wanted to be a model: embarrassingly i admit yes
- Worst Weather?: cold but no snow. what a jip

X
- X-Rays: nope

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: it was all yellow..

Z
- Zoo animal: which ever i can get the closest to..

I officially just wasted about 45 minutes. nice.

*I was upset with my sister when I did this. She is actually very nice to me.. most of the time.. she's just young.. this is really a whole other conversation..

Luella

2009-02-25T13:09:00.000-08:00

I've always liked Luella a lot but I think her new collection is brilliant. Watch the video.
wow, this is absolutely inspirational to me. I know something is good and right up my alley when it makes me want to go home and play dress up. I've always been into British things- i love the music, i love the style, and by god a man with an British accent can just about have anything he wants from me. That with the fact that I adore anything eclectic with a mix and match feel- well, I'm just in love. I love the British rebel school girl thing. And there's even some military hints which I can't get enough of at the moment! The whole thing has this perfectly lovely and yet delightfully sassy vibe- sophisticated with attitude and playfulness, and like the commentators said, its all this without being yesterday's grunge. "Pretty in Punk" :) Oh and I love the hot pink bangs.. I kinda want to do that... rull bad. Make sure and look at the slideshow too to see the collection closer..
This is one of my favorites:

Her other collections are of course amazing as well. This is from Spring 2009-

Are you kidding me?? genious..

Are you as bored as I am?

2009-02-25T11:18:00.000-08:00

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click
http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click
http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop, picassa, or similar to put it all together.

By the way, don't judge my "album cover", all I had to work with was Paint cause I'm at work and thats all there is.. but don't worry about it, i'm an animal with Photoshop..

#4

2009-02-23T11:22:00.001-08:00

I've always wanted to act but I don't think I'd be very good at it..

Well I was thoroughly entertained...

2009-02-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Things that I loved about the 2009 Academy Awards:

1. Beyonce + Wolverine = What my life has been missing.

2. Beyonce working "At Last" into the medley. You tell her, Bouncy.

3. Whoever went to the shot of Brad and Angelina while Jenifer Aniston was presenting. Wow, really?? Gotta love the plastered, awkward, I-know-everyone-is-looking-at-us smiles.

4. "Domo Arigato Mr. Robato". yes.

Nemo

2009-02-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

I'm a vegetarian. But I'm a bad vegetarian. I am kinda lax on fish. When I first became a veg, I didn't eat fish but slowly I started eating it again here and there. The reasons for this are that cans of tuna are cheap and i'm broke. It also opens up options for eating out and at people's houses. I don't eat much at all other than those few times though. My sister is a vegan. She sent me this today. It's not as gross as other peta videos but still be careful if you have a weak stomach. For some reason I'm not that moved by the first section. Maybe it's unfair to feel bad for land animals and not for sea animals but it just doesn't get me as much. The second part (i think that's the part on your health..?) got me thinking though. I definitely have trouble with depression and as of late, trouble sleeping. And I realized, watching this video- and this may or may not be a coincidence- but I hadn't been buying tuna at all for several months until recently and I also had not had my typical minor depression bouts until recently. So I think I may try and go off fish just to see if it helps. Why not? I don't eat much of it anyway..

God is Real.

2009-02-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

He is. Sorry if you don't want to believe it but its true. Spend any amount of time honestly looking and you will see. I've talked about what I am going through in my spiritual life in previous posts. I am basically searching for truth, reevaluating ideas that I've grown up with, refreshing my beliefs. I'm catching hollow phrases when they pop up as answers to important questions. Answers such as, "that's just not something we're meant to understand" or "Jesus said 'blessed are those who believe and have not seen' you doubting Thomas." While its true that we cannot understand everything in the world or about God, for the moment, and for the sake of my quest, I will not accept such answers. With that said, I am excited to tell you that I am making progress! Before last night I felt that I was only moving backward- the image of a kid trying to climb up the slide but skidding slowly backward instead to the squeak of skin on plastic- but thanks to a dear friend, who spent several hours talking with me, I have come to a fundamental realization. There is a God. He is here. He can interact with me. There is a spiritual realm. If you know me, you may say, "um, you've been a Christian for what? 15 years? and you are just now having a realization that there is a God?" Without spending much time on why I've decided to do so just understand it this way: I've thrown it all away and am starting with a clean slate. Whether there is a God and how interactive He is with me is the foundation. I need to believe it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I do believe it and I'm nearing the 'shadow of a doubt' place. Without going into too much detail on what he and I talked about and what was more specifically revealed to me, I'll tell you that God and I had a moment. But what really seals the deal is this. Last night when I was leaving his house, I backed into his sisters car. Then this morning, I missed my alarm, woke up at the time I'm supposed to leave my house, and my car wouldn't start; my friend came over to jump it but when she opened the hood, all that was wrong was that the connector was off of the battery thing (like my technical terms?). So I was late for work. When I got to work, I realized that left my breakfast and lunch which were in a bag. I met a friend for lunch and on the way back I was running late (my fault pretty much) and so I was speeding and got a ticket. Here is what I believe. I am learning some very important truths about God. I am learning to identify some very crippling lies. Someone does not want me to know these things. Someone does not want me to understand what it means to have a relationship with God. Unfortunately for them, I can see what is going on and the fact that i am upsetting them only lets me know I am getting ever closer to what I am looking for. I know God is real because my digging is causing a stir. My probing is making darkness uncomfortable. But I have nothing to feel because God is light. And light is, well, everything.

One more thought.. I just thought of this. Maybe this is a good comparison to my present Spiritual endeavor. Lets say you know conversational Spanish because you had a foreign exchange student come live with you. You even went to Mexico with him and visited his family. You could talk to everyone just fine but occasionally a phrase went over your head. Later you want to study and really know and understand the language. You want to know why certain things are conjugated in the different forms, you want to know where the language came from, what all the idioms and phrases mean. You want to know the language not just speak it. I want to know God, not just speak Christian.

That may not make sense to you. I sometimes think of really far-fetched analogies.. I always have actually. I learned to keep them to myself, though, after, in Sunday school, I compared God to the girl at school who had the perfect pony-tail and "as hard as I try I will never be like her. I just can't." "yeesss.... uh, that's right, Katie... um, yeah.." Well, it made sense to me!

Anyway, I learned so many things last night, I can't even begin to write them down. There is a lot of metal sorting out to be done. But I can tell you that God feels close and I like that.

Who is Sylvia Fairfax?

2009-02-13T12:16:00.000-08:00

Sylvia+Fairfax took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

*Some of this is true, but not the part about holding back emotionally or being very sensitive.. I really don't think I would ever describe myself as sensitive..

**Oh and Sylvia Fairfax is my new alter ego.

How Sweet

2009-02-13T07:50:00.000-08:00

I am exceptionally bored today. I'll pretend for the sake of this post that I don't know why. Must be something to do with Friday the 13th... Maybe I should watch a scary movie at my desk today! I tried to read. I can't focus on my book. I started reading this book months ago and it just couldn't hold my attention so I abandoned it for a while. I hate not finishing books though; i feel like they hang in the back of my mind. So I picked it up again a couple days ago and I still cannot seem to keep it going. I wouldn't say its boring... exactly.. but, um, maybe a little. yeah it's kinda boring. I have to finish it though. Today is not the day, however. I feel like a 6 year old with ADD. Normally writing is the one thing that I can get lost in and reach that happy "where did the time go" place. So here's hoping. (so far it's been.. 3 minutes. hmm.)

My friend, Lauren, who lives down the street from my old residence, called yesterday and said that she saw a cat that looked like Sylvia. Remember Sylvie? I haven't talked about her in a while but I still really miss her. I lost her shortly after moving to my new place. As I was going through the process of trying to find her, I heard all the pet-loss success and failure stories. "My cat came home after 6 months!" "Mine was stuck under the house for a week!" I heard that sometimes cats get lost in new surroundings and actually find their way back to the old house! So, I posted the signs, went to the shelters, searched the streets: no Sylvie. There was only so much that could be done. I do miss her. I promise I'm not like Angela on the office, but I really liked her. She was my little grey buddy! Anyway, Lauren said she saw a cat that looked like her but couldn't catch her. Now I've got it in my head that she found her way all the way back to East Nashville and right to my old street. I wonder though, if she was that close, why wouldn't she show up at the old house? My friends still live there and would recognize her. Hmm... up til now I had assumed that she was taken in by someone because she has no collar and is so sweet and friendly. I'd just be elated if I were to find her. Here's hoping.

I'm very happy right now. It actually makes me nervous how well things are going. First of all, Trudy Chase is moving along. We are practicing with both pianos now and can see the road very clearly. It's just a matter of taking the steps one by one, but we know we'll get there. It's very exciting to me. Musically, its exactly what I want to be doing and what I've wanted to be doing for a long time. I've finally put my finger on it. Also, in spite of myself I must mention, there's a man that has just come into my life that seems too good to be real. I like my job, for what it is. I am pleased with my daily life- happy to actually have time. Of course, I don't have any money but I don't care. I am more excited to be available to help my friends and family, to create art regularly, to participate in people's lives. It's satisfying me immensely in this time of my life. (And as a little side-note/update, my car is officially paid off TODAY!) I am happy. It makes me nervous. I am fighting with the fear (and the lie) that God will take things from me in order for me to "grow", or because it's not fair for so many people to be suffering and for me to be happy, or because that's just the way this roller coaster of a life goes.

The perception of God- that he wants to 'teach me a lesson'- is one of many I have that am reviewing and reforming. I've grown up being taught many things about the Creator. Many ideas have been ingrained in me so deeply that they would be the lines in a fingerprint of my soul. But now, at 23, I want to open myself up, untangle some of the webbings of who I am, sand away some of the callous and nourish my childishness. Who is God? Who do I believe him to be now, as an adult? One of the major issues that I am addressing is free will vs. free choice. In my opinion, this has a lot to do with who He is in my life.

I was recently presented with some information that almost literally shook my spiritual foundation. For a moment I felt like the walls were collapsing. Calling my mom for comfort only supported the likening of God to a baby blanket. I felt like a child- not in a barefoot, mud pie kinda way, but the way that I felt the night I got lost on my bike and it got dark. Terror and confusion. I was able to calm myself with reassuring logic (which is somewhat ironic) and can say that only a few of the shakers persist. There is a heaviness that remains, however, as aftermath, and a tenderness in certain places that I won't ignore. I have a few books in line to follow The Case For Christ, including one that will be quite opposite. But in my quest for truth I think it will be important to challenge myself with opposing views. Or maybe I just learned a lesson from how easily my foundation shook. To be honest, and I hate to conclude this way, but I've lost focus because someone just gave me the hugest cupcake I've ever had and a few finger-fulls of icing has my mind already going numb from the sugar. I'll have to continue on this subject later.

I think I just got a cavity.

#3

2009-02-13T06:02:00.000-08:00

I don't like the phrase "Take Care". Could be because of Sienfeld...

#2

2009-02-11T06:52:00.001-08:00

I have a thing about drinking liquids out of their appropriate containers. For example, I was once served hot tea out of a clear glass, like a water glass. nope, not ok. I'm pretty sure I never went back there. I don't like wine out of a champagne glass or a desert glass (you know the ones that resemble wine glasses but ARE NOT) or a brandy glass- just cause it has a stem does not make it a wine glass. The exceptions are: at my friend Kacie's house (well, her old house, when she lived in this country), wine is drank (drunk? drinked?) from coffee mugs. That's just what you do at her house. You drink from wine mugs. Also, I don't mind hot tea from a coffee mug, I don't even own any proper tea cups. And I don't go as far as pairing the appropriate wine with the wine glass, just as long as it is a wine glass. I'd like to, actually, but I get over it cause i'm not that rich. I have a set of 12 wine glasses from big lots. But I will not drink water out of them. And yes the only things I drink are tea, water and wine. basically.

Indeed

2009-02-11T06:48:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite posts from one of my favorite writers. Check it out, its very good.

#1

2009-02-09T14:50:00.000-08:00

I like to have everything put up, all my stuff together with the lights and computer off and my hand on the door handle at exactly 4:59 but not earlier when leaving work. Then I wait to hear the automatic door lock and I leave.

Can't Sleep

2009-02-08T03:06:00.001-08:00

I find him interesting
intriguing
beautifully distracting
There a rhythm to the things he says
It bounces in my head
echoing
It's 5 am and I should be sleeping
but my mind is aimlessly repeating
words and sounds and motions
I'm not happy to be helpless
I feel open and exposed
In a scary and delightful way
This is strange
I'm very good at sleeping
But he's got me rolling
I'm so uncomfortable
this is so unfortunately enjoyable
I'm terrified
I just want to sleep
I just want to sleep until I can see him again
What is going on
Letters and spaces
capitalized and punctuated
fill my head please
replace this madness for a few hours

*Disclaimer: This is not a poem. These are the stupid ramblings of my mind at 5 am when I've finally given up pressing my eyelids shut and trying to fill my mind with zeros just to take up space and find some rest. This is the kind of thing I may dissect later and write a song about.. or not.

Just satisfying my soul today...

2009-02-06T07:22:00.000-08:00

It's free-for-all-friday! I'm just gonna keep this window open and share with you the random things that go through my mind.

I've always loved Kate Moss's style. It's like mine, but with money... :) and skinnier.

Are you kidding me? she's just ridiculously hot.

I don't like to admit things like this, but, I am kinda trying to lose a couple pounds right now.. just a couple.. I'm keeping track of everything at myfitnesspal.com and it's actually really helping. I also started exercising about 4 times a week and am going to start training for the music city half marathon that's in April. I just have these little places where I haven't been chubby before and now I am... Pictures like to one above inspire me! I'm young enough, i could look like that! I'm supposed to go running with some people tomorrow but I'm going skiing instead :) ha.

On facebook, there's this thing going around where you write a note with 25 random things about yourself in it and tag your friends in it and they're supposed to do the same... I haven't done it yet. At first it was because i don't like those chain things and i thought 'if you wanna know about me then hang out with me in person and ask!' but now the urge to talk about myself is getting pretty strong and i'm enjoying reading other peoples' a lot... I've been reading so many that through out the day i think of things that would be on my list- i'll do something and then think to myself "#19. I always do such and such.." It's getting kinda weird. SO, i think i'll start listing them on here sporadically and if i come up with a satisfactory list of 25 then MAYBE i'll post it on facebook. So, um.... see? i can't think of anything.

Here's more Kate Moss for you. (i google image searched her..)

you know what i love about this picture? the carpet and the walls :) snake skin walls?? are you serious?? amazing. I sent this pic to my sister (who i live with [should that have been whom?]) and said, 'we need some ridiculousness in our apartment'. so we're working on it. she bought some awesome little turquoise monster trinket.. it's pretty sweet. still i'm thinkin bigger-like a big crazy rug or tapestry or something.. although i think the little monster trinket was cheaper..

Hey, so i'm doing really well on my money stuff! i haven't really spent any money all week! until yesterday, my sister and i went out to this amazing sushi place downtown called sam's sushi- if you live in nashville it is a MUST. HUGE sushi rolls for so cheap. It's this tiny little place downtown- i mean tiny- and it's run by Sam, just Sam. and he doesn't allow tipping. He's there everyday from 11 or 12 to 8. We were there at around 6 but he gave us the lunch special which is 2 rolls for 4.75! and they're big, i couldn't eat both, i brought leftovers for lunch today. anyway, other than that, i haven't spent anything. just nine more days to go til i get paid again. It won't be much of a different situation then though... i'll be paying bills with every dollar and then living on the pennies that are left. But that's ok cause I'm enjoying actually having time to do things like help my parents move last weekend, hang out with Meredith yesterday and this weekend with Brian (who was on Access Hollywood last night!! woot!) anyway, i'm proud of myself though cause i'm really bad about throwing caution to the wind and just sayin screw it. (i do need to find a little extra income however.. just some part-time here and there work, nannying or something)

So Trudy Chase is really coming along.. We got some bells and have been messing with them, it's really fun. I want to find some other random instruments to play with. We set up a photoshoot with my friend Stephanie and here are somethings that inspire me in one way or another for the shoot-
I like how this pic looks, i'll have to ask her how to get that effect...

I like how this one is on a plain wall, i think it would be cool to do some like that, especially a white wall with white or plain clothes, but our hair is red so it'd really stand out

here are some examples of pics of two people:

Here's some others that i just like:

Ok well its lunch time so bye.

Fat Kid-alicious

2009-02-04T14:29:00.000-08:00

You probably know that I work part time as a receptionista. I answer the phones and receive packages and greet the few people that come in. That's what I do with about 1/10th of my time here. The rest is spent blogging, online shopping, facebooking, reading, or trying to be productive with personal stuff. Occasionally someone will come by to brown-nose someone in the company and they'll entrust me to deliver the goodie(s) and/or card(s). I smile, thank them and wait for the elevator door to shut behind them before inspecting the package and devising a plan to extract my "commission". In order for me to partake unnoticed, the package must be resealable (a box, a tin can or some that ties shut)and the treats must be in multiples (cookies, candies, not a box of chocolates, not a cake.. you get it). If I find that I can take a reasonable amount out, undetected, you better believe i do. So today when a local hotel rep dropped a little Valentine's treat off for ol' Susan, I was delighted to see that the plastic resealable container contained M&Ms. Piece a cake. So I had a few. Then a few more. Then just a couple more... And now, well, it looks like someone at the hotel didn't buy enough M&Ms... So tell me first of all, how fat kid is this, and second, how wrong would it be to eat them all and throw away the container and just give her the card?? yeah, i know.... VERY fat kid and quite wrong. ok ok.

*Update: Just to let you know, i just called her to let her know they're up here. happy now?

*Final Update: She just came up here to get them and I think she was a little suspicious... she looked at the can funny and said, "hmm, that's odd." I shrugged. Then she offered me some and I said, "sure, thanks!"

money money money money

2009-02-02T11:25:00.000-08:00

I suppose I'm not the only one trying to save money and cut back on spending in a time like this but this is no new trick for me. We artists are used to income that is only dependable in the fact that is low. It's ok. We just earn here and spend there and maybe save a little here. I'm proud to say, though, and speaking very generally of course, that we do know how to enjoy life. We've decided to sacrifice certain things because we want our lives filled with inspiration and beauty. Or perhaps it was a decision made for us when we simply weren't blessed with the money-managing skills but instead with a set of useless beautifying tricks. Ok, yes, I'm just talking about myself. So this is where I am and this is where I have been. I go through the phases- 2 jobs, 1 job, busy, lazy, productive, spending, hoarding, saving- but I haven't given up finding a beautifully happy medium where I live at peace with my creative soul as well as the creditors. I am now in the verge of what I believe may be that very happy place. Here's what happened:

A couple months ago, I was working steady two part time jobs, making enough money to live on with minimal stress (for a frame of reference, that was no more than $2000 a month). I was fired from one job right before Christmas, leaving working 24 hours a week at an office and bringing home about $1000 a month. My being let go had nothing to do with the economy and I could get another restaurant job easily, i'm sure, if i were to look. I wrote what happened earlier if you wanna read what happened.. just some bullshit. Anyway, I really enjoyed having more time to spend with all the family that came into town and getting to be a part of all the fun Holiday events, including New Year's Eve which I would have had to work. As the holiday season settled down like confetti, I braced myself for what I knew would come as the last remnants of full time employment trickled away. I feel as if I am hinging on with one hand as a storm blows by. I can see the end and I just have to hang on! You see, my car, which represents a substantial portion of my bills, will be paid off in mere weeks and I have also been getting some vocal work here and there which could increase to a small but significant income supplement and with hard work, self-control, and creativity I could live on only this one job! Why is that so important you ask? Well, I will tell you. My eyes have been opened since being fired. I have made new friends, been there for people when they needed someone, supported my friends' art, written more, read more, gotten involved and actually met people at my church, I've been creating more art, and most importantly been making A LOT of progress with my music! This is what my life is about. If the trade-off is that i get to go to my friend's show but I can't drink at it cause i don't have any money, well, that's perfectly fine! I'll take it! Or maybe I get to spend the day writing music at home, but that means I can't go to the movies. No problem! However, these scenarios will quickly turn into ones such as: Can't pay my rent cause I had to fix my tire. You see, where the barely hanging on image shows up. But I have a newly strengthened will to live the life that is barely visible through the swirl of this financial storm: a life lived fully yet creatively within my means while building and aiming for a bright future. (haha that sounded like some sort of purpose statement or something..)

Wow, I'm long-winded today. I apologize to all two of you reading this. All of this has really been on my mind though lately. I just feel that I am in a very defining, pivotal, significant moment as far as this stuff goes right now, with being fired and being left with one job that is sooo close to enough and one that I actually like, and with my car about to be paid off and with so much happening with my music that I really need time for and then on top of all that, check this out. I never get to go to church things (or rather used to never get to) but I went to a group the other day for college age kids that was going to be discussing 'busy-ness'. I was actually a little bit disappointed when I heard the topic because i thought, 'I'm the least busy that I've been in a long time, this won't really apply to me', but I went to socialize and meet people from my church. I actually ended up getting a ton out of it! What I took was actually more of a look at values than busy-ness. Since that discussion I have been exploring the questioning of standards like 40 hour work weeks and week long vacations and credit cards and laziness. Am I lazy if I actually get enough sleep every night? Am I lazy if I only work 24 hours a week? Am I lazy to actually break on the weekend? Is a business man lazy if he leaves work everyday to eat dinner with his family? I think it's smart to take a look and perhaps readjust our American programming to line up with what's really important in life and that is people.

My goodness, I am the queen of tangents. What I intended on saying was a much more concise note of my strong desire to and need to save money in order to protect my precious freedom. Something like: Since having a significant portion of my income detached, instead of trying to repair the hole, I am adjusting my life in an attempt to fill the time instead of pass the time- to fill my life instead of watch it pass me by. Time that would be spent aimlessly earning money to essentially throw away will be creatively enjoyed with people that I love, doing things that lift my soul. I also wanted to pass along some moolah-saving tricks I've come across in my research.

Of course there are the usual things, most of which are old news to me: pack your lunch for work, do your own mani's, buy boxed wine (i promise it's not that bad), trade a night out for a game night or movie night in, coupons, generic products, matinees, craigslist (I'm an addict), etc... But let's dig a little deeper. This is what I call "How to Live on Love":

I bought $16 worth of groceries today and I am determined for them to last me 3 weeks. How do I plan on doing this? Well, I bought really cheap cans of soup and black beans, a bag of apples, saltine crackers, tuna and brown rice- not the instant kind, oatmeal- not the individual packets, and at home I think I have a little bit of pasta, potatoes and condiments. I am going to visit my parents for dinner often, attend evening events with food (church things, parties, etc), take free food whenever offered, only drink free alcohol, and take tea from work (ok, that's a little wrong..) and not munch just for the hell of it (which will also be good for my figure). If I have to go out to eat (maybe like a birthday or something) I'll pre-eat and then eat the free rolls or chips! (also just a tiny bit wrong) And if anyone has left-overs they are not taking, I will unashamedly box that shit up.
I am going to get very creative with how I hang out with friends. For example,
friend: Hey wanna get coffee?
me: Why don't we make some at my house and sit out on the balcony?
friend: wow! you're so creatively frugal!
Or when I'm bored and i call Aaron and he comes over and we watch TV for a little bit and then say what do you wanna do? i don't have any money. yeah, me neither. hmm.. I wil suggest that we just take a couple cds and go drive to the park or somewhere and sit in the car and listen to them. Or have some people over to play cards. And when the weather gets nice there will be even more possibilities! I used to do a lot of fun free things like sneak into pools at night and stuff. I guess those things are childish but we used to have fun! haha
The other day i hung out with my brother and his gf and Aaron and we made stuff out of beads.. random.. but fun! anyway, you can see some of the ways i want to be more creative with my recreational time.
Other ways to save money are go here, take free things, move to another country, always think twice before purchasing (Do I really need this? How could I get it for free or at least cheaper?), make stuff-i make my clothes and furniture (but I'm pretty crafty), go to house parties instead of out to a bar, look in the paper for free events, garage sales, waste your time writing the longest post ever, work out/run outside instead of the gym,
Basically my goal is to not spend any money at all, except for bills and food and gas. That's not entirely possible but it makes it way more likely that i will spend next to nothing. I'll keep you updated on how it's going.

A little late .. but no less stunning

2009-01-30T14:37:00.000-08:00

Hopefully, if you like fashion, you have already gawked at every stitch of fabric that made up the awe-inspiring works of art showcased during Fashion Week. Maybe you have watched the videos on style.com or maybe your are more lucky than I to have actually been there. Either way, I'm sure your jaw dropped more than once. (My god, i love fashion.) Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that if you haven't had a chance to see what spring 2009 has in store for us (us being those who can afford to buy any of these things- not I) that you check some of it out. I mean come on, Galliano with those head dresses and the well, actual dresses! amazing! and Alexander McQueen! and Diane von Furstenberg! I am overwhelmed (and it's like the 7th time i've watched them..)

There are a couple things that really stood out to me... what are your favorites??

Love is in the Air

2009-01-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

It's getting close to the day of hearts and pink and chocolate and flowers and kisses and red and I have fallen in love just in time...

...with this jacket

Actually pretty much with the Balmain spring collection. Well, just make that with Balmain.

At Some Point in my Life...

2009-01-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

I'd like to wander aimlessly.

I love the show, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. Well, I really just love the Travel Channel. Last night he was in Ethiopia. It was a really cool episode with some very bizarre foods indeed (raw camel kidney anyone?). But that wasn't the thing that pushed my Inspiration Button. (You know, when you see/hear something that makes your soul do flips inside of your heart? that's your button.) The thing that hit my button last night was seeing the food preparation be so organic and communal. I realize that this is due to poverty and I don't mean to be so American as to turn it into something posh, but i was just struck by the beautiful and exotic picture of family together all day preparing food with their hands and then presenting their guest with a colorful feast.

The women changed into beautiful, colorful dresses and the walls of the room were covered in ornate plates and tapestries. Everyone sat on the floor around the table and shared in the meal.
He also visited a place where they make coffee from scratch and by hand. It takes 3 hours to complete the process but it's a social event. My mouth was watering for some of that coffee. Hand-hulled beans, then roasted over a flame and manually grinded, mixed with hot water and served when the host deemed it ready. yum. They snacked on popped corn and defferent types of beans and things. I think I would have wanted a pastry :)

Things like this just really lay into my button and wear it out. I have this burning instinctual need to travel to these kinds of places. What is stopping me? i ask myself sometimes.. I'm not sure. I am free. I have no ties. I have no money but I could probably still make it happen.. So, what then? Maybe I feel a rush to make my music career happen. yes, I know I do. But i'm 23. I've been out of high school for 5 years and what have I done? Wow, I need to do something. Something big. There's a new year's resolution for you: Do something big. I want to look back at 2009 and not think, what did I do? not have it run into all the other years with no distinction. Maybe this year will be the year of Trudy Chase. We'll get all the music worked out and then just go on the road. Or maybe we'll get all the music worked up and go overseas. to Europe. I think they would like it.

Anyway, back to my "At Some Point in my Life.."

I want to wander. I want to go places like Ethiopia and just see them. Maybe write about them. Maybe photograph them. I just want to be expanded. I want to be extracted from my bubble. I wonder often if I will ever be the people that are inside of me. If they will get their turn. Here's a visual tour of my multiple personalities:
First of all, you know I got this in me:

But maybe i'll travel around doing this

and this

and exploring places like this

maybe I'll even satisfy the long enduring desire to be a part of things like this

Or maybe someday hell will freeze over and this will happen

I have to be honest though, I picture it a little more like this (I'm really not sure why..)

and then, heaven forbid, what if i get one of these!

Artist, singer, lover, mother, daughter, friend, fashionista, nester, explorer, drinker, thinker, adventurer, entertainer, loner, partier, painter, writer, classy, lazy, fun, careful, reckless, spiritual, needy, fulfilled, searching, finding, working, wanting, loving, helping.

and more.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

2009-01-26T06:44:00.000-08:00

I had another dream about him. This one was especially cruel. I don't remember it all exactly but we were in love again. He had some new hippie friends and we all climbed up on this giant loft bed and hung out. Then he and I were laying around smoking cigarettes, which is funny cause neither of us smoke. That was the part right before I woke up so I remember that best but I know that there was a lot more. It was just nice. To be in love with him again. We were giddy. We didn't talk much, just smiled at each other.

damn it all.

Speaking of love, my friends got engaged yesterday. I think I'm happy for them.. ? It makes me wonder- I know I've always had a bad attitude towards marriage. My parents were married young and got divorced and did an excellent job of instilling in me a fear of all things love and commitment. My first reaction to this kind of news is generally a sigh and head shake. Why though?? Is it because we are young? Is it because I'm 23 and I've already seen engagement break-ups, infidelity and divorce among my peers?? Or in this case specifically is it a reaction to the weird feeling in my stomach that tells me this is not right for these two. I really don't know. But I do feel strange about this one. I'm not sure I'm buyin. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself last night that he was happy about it. But what do I know?

Let's go back to me for a second, since it is my blog. Let's look at 3 men on my mind these days: Should be, Would be, and Could be (also called the ghosts of relationships past, present and future).
Should be, well, we should've been. I should've realized what I had. If the universe is ever to fall back into place, then he and I should be. It's simple. Like puzzle peices. It just should be.
Would be- he would be good. He would be fun, he would be nice, he would be good. But he would be settling. He would be 85%. And that's not enough.
Could be- He makes me wonder; he makes me excited. What could be makes me think someday I could get over what should be. But we'll have to wait and see. It could be wishful thinking. But it could be.

And there you have it.

Poop.

2009-01-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

This is weird to write, but I just went poop (which I hate doing in public bathrooms but I had coffee this morning and that leaves me no other choice..) I thought the color seemed a little strange. I remember noticing a novelty book, in my regular perusal of Urban Outfitters Online, called "What's Your Poo Telling You?" and began to wonder just that. So I googled the subject and found this. Maybe you too have wondered if your bowel movements provide any clues about your health and what may be lacking or overwhelming your diet. Well, if you are like me, with too much time on your hands and odd curiosities, then I'd check out this informative article/book review. Please make sure and read the whole thing because the last part is very important. It brings you back to reality a bit, concluding that analyzing your poop "may be yet another manifestation of Americans' 'obsessive, narcissistic' behavior." Personally, I believe that our bodies know best and all they need from us is support by way of a healthy diet and lifestyle but they do not need us to take the wheel in an attempt to control and perfect.
"The colon has been around million of years and the wisdom of the colon predates us. This notion that we can somehow always intervene in some way so we can be intellectually or psychically or physiologically superior to this part of the body is kind of foolish." (James Dillard, medical director of Columbia University's Rosenthal Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine)

I Pledge

2009-01-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

I don't really talk about politics much. I certainly have views but I don't really like to argue much. Well, sometimes I do, but on the subject of politics I never feel like it really goes anywhere. I think I have a pretty pessimistic view on the subject. It feels very hopeless to me. I think there is a lot that we don't know, as the general public. I'm very frustrated by the media and how quickly we all gobble up whatever is plastered in the television in front of us. It may seem, again, a pessimistic view, but I think there are very smart, powerful, money-hungry, and evil people at work behind the scenes. I like to maintain a certain level of faith in humanity, however, and in the good of people, so I'm not sure that I subscribe fully to certain conspiracy-theories and such, but if you look into some of the claims and ideas out there, you have to acknowledge that there are things going on to which we are kept blind. 911. Come on. Do a tiny bit of research and you'll see scary discrepancies. The Oklahoma City bombing, even Pearl Harbor. If your interested in that sort of thing, then watch this: http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
It's very interesting and whether or not it is all factual, it definitely opens your eyes to certain possibilities. (The first part is on religion and that is a whole other conversation. Sufficed to say, they have eye-opening and intriguing evidence but I don't believe it points to the conclusion that they came to. Get past that though and you'll get to the more political stuff. The second video is cool too- about our money system)
Anyway though, this is all to set up a video. What I was trying to get to is this: I'm not an Obama fan. I didn't vote for him. Actually I didn't vote. (that's also a whole other explanation) I think Obama is conveniently getting people excited about having more government. Especially when he says things like "It's not about more government or less government, it's about whether it works" (Actually I probably shouldn't have put that in quotes cause it's not direct but anyway.. it was to that effect) What I DO like though is to see people care. To see people want change and get excited about being a part of something and for things like this:

Celebs 'pledge' to support Obama
Unfortunately the pessimism kicks in and I quickly lose faith in the endurance of the public's will to serve. I hope I'm proved wrong.

So what do I pledge?
I pledge to be open-minded and discerning. I pledge to seek truth. I pledge to turn my pointed finger on myself and be the change I want to see in the world.

In Defense of Fashion

2009-01-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

I like fashion. A friend once told me that he liked style not fashion because style is long-lasting, elegant, classy, not trendy, flashy, silly. I like style too. But I also like fashion. It doesn't bother me that I will look back at pictures of myself 10 years from now and say "what was I thinking?" I will also be able to identify what was going on in my life, what mood I was in, what I cared about, what I was preparing for. You see, I'm an artist and fashion is just one more way that I love to express myself. That is why I believe in taking risks, breaking rules, and being daring in fashion. I believe in all of these things with art. With that said, I'd like to talk about the Golden Globe Awards.
Last night I watched a little bit of a show where they were discussing the fashion of the night before's award ceremony and today I ran across this. Sure some of the things said were valid. After all, if there are fashion "risks" then there are fashion failures. They really rip these people apart though. I give the people on the worst-dressed list props for trying something new, something different. So, I'd like to try and defend some of these helpless victims.

Ok, I see what she was going for here. If it had just been a smooth nude something underneath I think it would've worked. When I saw video of her on the red carpet, particularly from the side, I thought she looked good. It's somewhat Victorian. It's very flattering to her figure! Overall, not terrible and props for going for it. Ok, next.

Ok, so it's wrinkled a little. ok, a lot. Oops. Get over it. I think the dress is actually beautiful. I like drapey things. I think it is flattering to her because she has larger breasts so the way it hangs is nice. Pretty color. Simple accessories and hair. I like it. And she's probably comfortable.

I'm gonna be honest here. I LOVE this. I'm sorry but I think it is fun, daring, young and something new to see on the red carpet. I think her face looks fresh and her hair is simple enough to wear with a bright bold dress. I would wear it.

Be honest, no one would be complaining if she was rail-thin. Picture it on Cameron Diaz. See? I think she looks great. She's beautiful and voluptuous and there's no reason she should have to cover it up. She's lucky to have the skin color that she can look so good with a couple rolls. I am pale so I cannot get away with the chubs at all. I really am glad that she is embracing her body like that. Little girls, look! Nope, stop looking at Megan Fox, look at this hot mama! (But wait til your older to show that kinda skin, ok?)

Well, that face is a bit of a shame.. I can't say I'm a fan of the hair, but it doesn't offend me and if she likes it then good. Here's what I think about the dress. It's a very pretty bodice, imagine if from right below the belt, it went straight down with the skirt into a normal floorlength hemline. That would be very nice and um, normal? predictable? Whether or not you think this worked, it is nice to see someone try and change it up.

I can totally see what she was going for here! This is a very bold, fun, and loud fashion statement so people will probably hate it or love it. The shoes and the fact that is is short struck at first and I didn't think I liked it but it's actually growing on me. I get it. I'm not sure if i'd wear it, but I like it.

Not my favorite, but she is definitely being creative. I think it's fun to go for themey kinda things, costumey things. You can't always wear an acceptable, sleek, agreeable dress. Sometimes you have to let out your inner pirate! Hopefully she felt good in it.

Oh the hair! the hair! ok, calm down. That's a beautiful dress, she looks beautiful. Her hair may be a tad too big. Like they said, she may have overshot the Marylin Monroe thing but I think we're all overreacting a little bit. She looks pretty overall. There's a fun retro feel to it.

I did notice when watching that this didn't do anything for her bustline. But it's a nice dress. A fun Cameron Diaz-only kinda color and a neat shape. I don't think her hair is bad. I've been diggin the roots thing on some people recently. Maybe it's a little flat.. But overall, I like it.

Seriously?? she's 15. Leave her alone. At least she is dressing her age.

I'm not gonna defend the raccoon eyes. She's a pretty girl and that's just too much. And I did think her hair was a little weird but maybe it just didn't translate well over video... Anyway what's wrong with the dress? I think it's very pretty. Nice color. Maybe they're right about the fit but I definitely didn't think it was much of an issue. I love the ruffles!

Ok, I'm not a fan of the slit or the "train". I'll give her the slit though cause she's young and she can. I like the bed head look. Overall I would actually complain that it's not that exciting. But she obviously liked it. I think it's interesting what newbee's wear vs. people who have been to many many award shows. She probably wanted to go for something young but elegant and sleek. Hopefully she felt like a princess for what i'm only guessing is her first big award show. Maybe she'll get more daring later.

I can't believe I did all of those.. haha. Let me defend myself also for a minute. I'd not throw these people into the best-dressed list, I merely give them props for trying something different. And I can see what they were going for. Gaze over the Best Dressed List though to see how much better these attempts could have gone. Anne Hathaway, are you kidding?? She looked like a real princess. wow. Angelina did the high slit the right way and so many others successfully mastered fit. Kate Beckinsale- beautiful!

'member?

2009-01-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

hey remember Robyn?

Well, apparently she still exists and I'm really into her stuff:

And THIS is just FUNNY! especially if you are from Texas like me :)

A couple things

2009-01-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

First of all, my stitches come out this afternoon and I'm a little nervous for several reasons. 1) It doesn't seem like they're ready to come out. It looks the same and it still hurts and is very sensitive. 2) I'm afraid they will somehow be able to tell that I didn't follow the rules.. "what in the world have you been doing?? this looks horrible! You didn't do any physical activity did you?!?" 3) I can't see completely cause it's on my back, but it almost looks like skin has grown over one of the stitches. That's gross and seems like it could be a problem in getting them out.. Yikes! In general, I'm just worried cause I don't know what it's supposed to look like, feel like, etc. so for all i know it could be healing terribly! I'm sure it's fine though.. I think.. anyway, I guess we'll find out at 2:40 today.

So, that last post was just a silly little "poem" that I wrote just now cause i was thinking about that phrase "get your hopes up" and how descriptive it is. How it feels like you're holding a big helium balloon and if you let it go, its all over, there's no bringing it back down. You know the feeling. Maybe there's a possibility of a promotion and you find yourself picturing it and then you tell yourself to stop cause you'll get too excited and possibly dissappointed. OR, and this is what actually spurred the thought for me, maybe there's a guy... :) (or girl) And maybe they said something that made your mind want to race down the path of what-ifs and picture things you shouldn't picture and imagine things you shouldn't imagine.. But you're holding that balloon tight, checking thoughts that start to head in that direction. You're doing so well, you're so even, level, in control and then- something happens- a word, a touch, a thought- that tips the scale and trips your feet and find yourself lying on the ground, empty handed, watching those hopes float up and up and up and out of sight and you know that there is no recovering from this now. You're in. You see it. You want it. You can taste it. But you don't have it. Yet. You just really HOPE it happens.

The last thing that I wanted to write about today is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I've written bits about it before. It's one of those situations that you ask advice on but no one can advise you. There is no correct answer or formula to follow for the best possible results. If any answer exists it is within you and no one else can find it. Some of my cousil though has led me to a point where i think i want to write a letter. I've heard its good to write a letter without the intent to send it, just to get it out. I wrote another post before called "Two Letters" where I tried to do that. But now i feel like i need to revise it. (The first letter of that post, by the way, i sent. no reply. i think that is a good enough response.)
SO, let's brainstorm, what do i want to say to him...

I think about you all the time. I have still not met anyone like you. I want to know that you are happy and that you don't think about me. If that's true, then i'll let this go.

That's simple, but i really think thats it. i need closure. I don't want to say i need closure though, cause i don't want it to be closed, sometimes i just want it to be reopened..

I'm sorry this isn't making a lot of sense probably. this is a therapeutic post. i'm trying to just splatter feelings and thoughts across the page just to get them out. see what they look like. They look like splatter.

Don't Get Your Hopes Up

2009-01-08T07:38:00.000-08:00

Hope.
Shriveled piece of rubber.
bring it to your lips and blow.
Air.
Fills your lungs and sets you floating.
Hold it tight; keep it low.
Words.
Tie your laces to eachother.
Trip, fall, let it go.
Hope.
Expanded ball of rubber.
Soaring higher, higher, higher.

Surely falling soon.

I'm Tired/Skiing Pics

2009-01-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

I don't get it. Monday i woke up at 7am after having gone to bed at 2:30am and was fine at work all day. Mostly. I mean, I was tired of course but it was bearable. Then I get plenty of sleep that night and was great all day yesterday. Last night I didn't make it to bed til about midnight and woke up at 7am and I'm completely exhausted. It's 10 in the morning and I feel like i'm still not awake. My eyes are puffy and watery and I can't stop yawning. That doesn't make much sense to me. Apparently I do better on 4 and a half hours of sleep than 7. That's awesome. I don't get it. Moving on.

Speaking of moving.. My brother is moving today. His bff bought a house and they are gonna live in it together. I think it'll be really cool for them but it's a little sad and here's why. Right now they both live with 2 other guys that are really good friends, who I also used to live with. They live about 30 minutes away though so I don't get to see them much. I get to see them when I go see Brian though and now I won't see them as often. I'm sure I'll see them though. No need to worry.

(sorry, i don't have the energy to try and write interestingly today)

Wanna see some pics from skiing??

Here's the girls after a long day of skiing/snowboarding.

I was actually the only skier. I would have tried snowboarding with the rest of them but I actually wasn't really supposed to go at all because i just had a minor surgery and still had stitches in. But i'm a good enough skier that i knew i wouldn't fall and mess anything up. On a snowboard though, i definitely would have been on the ground more than upright so i figured i'd save my snowboarding debut for next time.

That's Kates and Ryan above. And below is the beautiful Perfect North Slopes. Only 4 and a half hours away. I promise it's more exciting than it appears in this picture. It kept us very well occupied for 2 full days.

That's right after we got there. can't you see the excitement?!?

The lone skier :)

And the cool kids.

How We Do

2009-01-04T07:56:00.000-08:00

I forget how amazing it is to sleep at a hotel. They have those black-out curtains. Last night was probably the best sleep I've had in a while. Could also have something to do with the fact that I was awake for almost 24 hours before I finally laid my poor worn-out body down. But you know, I think I'm actually pretty recovered from all of it.. and ready to go again!!

ok, let's Tarantino here for a minute.

Friday, 12:04 am:

I'm sitting in the living room with a good-sized handful of my favorite people in Nashville, if not the world. We're... well, um, pretty much doing nothing.. just "hanging out". A couple people don't live here and are leaving tomorrow so I'm spending time with them before they go. On TV some red-headed guy is maneuvering on a snowboard in a way i didn't know was possible. He captures the attention of the group and diverts conversation to "holy shit man!" and "daaaang!"

"Man, I wanna go snowboarding so bad! I'd stop drinking and leave right now.." Stephen's words are met with similar desire and then,

"let's go."

[pause]

Collective "Okay".

Okay then. We're all looking around to gauge each other's serious-ness and after a few, "wait, really? are we really gonna do this?" it becomes clear that we're not messing around. We're going snowboarding. tomorrow. There's only one thing to do in a moment when you've decided something like this.

Go to Wal-Mart.

Don't ask me why but that's the first thing that we did It was about 1 am by that time, and we had things to buy! gloves, a car-top carrier, food.. We couldn't really remember these things when we got there though and just felt a little confused about why that was our first reaction. It was like a damn commercial.

"Let's go skiing!"

"yay! now what?"

unison: "Wal-Mart!"

voice-over: "for all your winter-sport needs..."

Fast-forward a bit. Saturday 12:35pm.

See the bustling lodge, hear the pounding of heavy boots against wood-floor and feel the crisp air challenge your layers of long johns, turtle-neck, sweatshirt, jacket. Yeah, i think we know who's gonna win this one. But then, out of nowhere the sun takes the game as you shed your coat and fan your sweaty face.

Sunday 11:23 am.
I'm sitting in the lobby using the kindly provided computer (i think this marks the second time I've written from somewhere other than work). I'm wondering if I should wake everyone up.. I'm not sure what time we need to check out. My body doesn't feel quite as much like it's been hit by a train as i expected. Maybe just a bus. I think this was the best idea that we've ever had and feel pretty damn proud of us for making it happen. I'm out of coffee so I need to go grab some more. Then I think I'll wake everyone up and see if we can get this show on the road. We have more skiing/snowboarding to do. I'm the only skier in the group- but I'm injured.. That's another story... Dr. says, "ok so no physical activity for at LEAST a week, preferably 2".. and 5 days later, "does skiing count?" Anyway.. I need to use the restroom, get more coffee and get these people up.

Sleepover!

2008-12-31T06:23:00.000-08:00

Last night I had all my sisters over for a good old fashioned sleepover. Meredith, Audrey and Sarah. Let me explain my family real quick. My parents are divorced and have both been re-married for over 10 years. (12 maybe?) They both have had children with their new spouses so I have siblings that are as much as 16 years younger than me. So last night My dad's little girl, Sarah, 9, and my mom's girl, Audrey, 8, came over to spend the night with Meredith and I. It was really fun to see Audrey and Sarah play together. We all had dinner at my mom's house first and on our way back to my apartment I suddenly had this kind of panicked feeling about having all my sisters in the car together. I let my mind go to that "what if" place, you know? when you think about things you shouldn't. "if anything happened to us right now, our brothers would lose their sisters and our parents would lose all their daughters!" Why on earth was I thinking about this? I don't know. I stopped but I kept it at 10 and 2 with my eyes glued to the road. I think the fact that my mind went there was just an extention of feeling so happy at that moment that I wanted to grab everything and hold it in place. I didn't want time or anything else to take it away. Feelings are a funny thing. Sorta like Jeopardy. The feeling comes like an answer for which you don't know the question. Like the maternal pang of x emotion that came over me in the car with those girls that left me wondering what it was that hit me. Was it seeing Audrey with a "sister" her age? Let me explain Audrey for a second. She is THE sweetest person you will ever meet. Loves everyone and is not too cool to show it. She is a tall lanky girl with glasses and a bit of a bunny rabbit situation. I swear she's gonna grow into all these features and be a 6 foot tall supermodel. But for now, she's a little awkward. She loves to read and write and narrate situations as they happen. She'll come up with a story between the dish rag and the plate as mom is doing the dishes. She has the artist's curse. She has trouble with friends sometimes. This mean girl Katie from back home has told her she is ugly and weird and things like that. Oh and she is also home-schooled. Sarah, on the other hand, is also very sweet, but has the added zing of public schooling. I think she understands social skills a little better but it may have taken a little innocence. She just displays more typical 9 year old behavior. She's an artist as well, loving music and dance and showing very promising writing skills. (I'm serious, she's gonna be good) Here's an anecdote from yesterday evening that may give more insight into their personalities. We're sitting at the table and Audrey asks Sarah, "Do you think I'm weird?" and Sarah says plainly, "no." Then she adds, "If you keep saying you're weird then you'll believe it." And that was that. They were so cute together the rest of the night. I didn't realize they would get along so well. They called each other their "double s" (sister's sister) and said they were gonna live together when they grew up. So, what's the answer to the jeopardy puzzle, "A feeling that came over you in the car with all of your sisters together." hmm... What is.. LOVE?

Back at my apartment, we answered "all of them" to "popcorn, cookies or ice cream?" and snuggled in for Horton Hears a Who. It was a really special night that I know we will all remember forever.

You Wanna Piece of Me??

2008-12-30T06:19:00.000-08:00

Ow, ow, ow.
There is a pain coming from my lower back that feels like a chunk of my skin was cut out. oh wait.. it was. Yesterday. A small brown spot with a slight ring around it was decided to be a possible menace and was extracted and sent away to be examined. Just for being different, how do you like that? that's life though. You aren't hurting anyone, just looking a little different, unique, but you scare people with your new ideas and your color and so they get rid of you. Just like that. Cut you out and send you away.

wow, did I really just turn my mole-removal into a political comment? Only me. That was completely tongue and cheek in case you didn't get that. I'm not completely sure what tongue and cheek is. Or if it is tongue in cheek. Or if there should be some dashes in the phrase. Hmm..

Let's move on. But before we do, I'd like to quickly remind you that my back hurts. Ok, now then. (that doesn't really make sense.. now? then? which is it?) Anyway, here there. ok.

Let me ask you something. Do you worry about anyone? I mean in particular. Do you have a friend or relative or maybe your grocer that you just think if anyone is gonna do X (X=get addicted to hard drugs, go postal, turn into a hermit, ask you out, etc.) it's gonna be this person? It's funny how some people just make you a little nervous.. There's just something a little off. And you make sure and stand back a few feet further than you normally would.

I'm not sure why I brought this up, seems like that should have been setting up a good story like, "well let me tell you about Larry..."

Well. Let me tell you about Larry.

Oh Larry. Most of the time everything was fine. I brought my groceries to the counter and paid for them with dollars and small talk. But some days he had this twitch. He didn't seem to really see me or remember all of the other times our lives intersected based on our mutual need to feed our families. "How are the children?" reverted to, "paper or plastic, ma'am?" and familiar eyes were slightly glazed over and very much distant. On these days I didn't press him. I returned his "ma'am" with "sir" and silently reprimanded myself as I walked through the lazy automatic door for hoping that his wife would give him a good lay tonight.

Larry had an accidental mullet made up of greying frizz. The mess sat atop his pointed head and fell into his eyes. He swept it behind his ears with a dainty motion that contrasted his tall burly figure. On the days he twitched, it stayed in his face. He was like an over-grown fairy with a beer-belly. He appeared as if he was forged inside of a funnel. He was a collage of magazine clippings. His petite features were found in a mascara ad on page 8 and pasted onto the body of the lumberjack selling weed-eater on page 26. He spoke in complete sentences which accounted for the pause before each one. "Come in from the wind and allow me to ask, how does this chilly evening find you?" Bantor was sport and he contrived wit that would astound, were it in rhythm, but instead confused after the silence that stood as it was birthed in his head. On days that he twitched, you could actually see the labor reflected in his face. Occasionally it was a still-birth. Whatever was brewing visibly vanished and he would look down at me in the lingering silence, asking "what are you waiting for?" Against all my reasoning, he scared me on the twitching days. As I stopped in front of and then walked through the antique automatic doors, I reprimanded my melodramatic self for picturing him slamming his fist on the scanner and grabbing the next customer by the shirt collar. I glanced back just to make sure. Of course, he was just scanning and twitching. One of these days, I told myself. I visited the Apple Mart as often as possible just to make sure i'd be there when he lost it.

I wish that I could continue this story now with a "one day, I really needed some milk. Little did I know this would be the last twitching day.." or maybe "One day, as I neared the little store, my eyes focused on flashing lights and caution tape.." Unfortunately, though, the story ends here with "one day I walked in and he was gone." Just like that. I never found out what happened. Sure, I have my theories. What do you think happened to Larry?

At Some Point In My Life...

2008-12-29T07:22:00.000-08:00

At some point in my life, I'd like to spend a year travelling around the world, playing music on the street and living off the change I make. I'd like to meet people, especially other artists, and create music and art with them. Maybe my sister would come with me. Or it could be not so homeless/hippie and we could actually plan some sort of tour in Europe. Book some shows and sell our CDs all across the country. That might be a little better. Wow, I really wanna do that. Here's some inspiration:

Back to the grind

2008-12-29T06:49:00.001-08:00

Back at the office. What a relief. For at least four hours I can pretend that it's over. Pretend that I won't have to call 5 people as soon as I leave to see what the 'plan' for the evening is. You see, it's December 29th and most people are packing up the tree, waving goodbye to family, cleaning up and letting their previous rhythms settle back into place. But for me this year, Christmas will not end. Once the scent of pine trees and gingerbread began to leak into the air, my life became a revolving door of visitors. Grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles- some of my very favorite people in the world- have come to have their special dinners and special games and special gifts and special evenings. It's making me especially tired and fat. As far as I can see the official end of it all is still about 5 days out. Five days, several unopened presents, a couple gallons of eggnog and one New Year's Eve party away. Can I make it? I suppose you'll have to check back this weekend to see. Give me a few days; if you don't see a post by, say, next Wednesday, then get worried. For now though, I'm enjoying having to be somewhere. Sorry, but I HAVE to!

Anyway, I hope your Christmas was lovely and is ending. Mine really was/is nice. I'm enjoying myself very much and pretending that losing my second job isn't going to completely screw me. For now, I just feel like I'm on vacation!

Are We Human?

2008-12-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

Or are we dancer?

That's a good question, Mr. Killer. And also, nice song. thanks for making that song so that i can listen to it. Also, I like the 3rd one on the album, the one about storm-makers and dream-makers, not sure what its called.. Oh and a big not-thank you to my computer for making that particular track sound really weird and skippy. 'preciate it. ass.

Anyway, to the rest of you, Happy Christmas Eve. I hope you are not working like me but enjoying all the pre-game festivities. Last minute shopping, wrapping, cooking, travelling... I have a few of those to do today. I think i'll head over to Target during my lunch break..

Wow, I'm seriously bored. Probly because no one else is working today, and therefore, no one is calling. And furthermore, I am not needed. Buuuut, I do need the hours so I'm not going to complain. anymore. Right after this; fmuhhahh.. this sucks. ok, now i'm done. It think we're goonna get to go early anyway..

THIS JUST IN: I have just recieved word that we are closing our doors at 12:00 noon. That is in 22 minutes so i'm going to quit my bitching. You 2 have a great and merry Christmas and I'll see you on the other side.

Sia

2008-12-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

You need to know about her. I'm really loving this video and this song right now
yummy!

It's Tuesday / Happy Chrstmas Eve Eve

2008-12-23T07:27:00.001-08:00

It's Tuesday and I'm at work. You may be thinking, huh that's strange I thought she only worked monday wednesday and friday. And to that I say, stop reading this you stalker. More likely though is that you didn't think that because you probably don't know my work schedule. or care. But in case anyone is interested in knowing, I'm just makin up some hours I'm missing out on due to the holly jolly season.
This brings me to my next question [was there a first question?] You may have recently thought to yourself, "I wonder how her other job is going.." [that wasn't even a question] And to that I say, "define going.." I mean, what makes a good job? stability? time off around the holidays? well, then, i have the best job ever. I have all that. In fact, i don't even have to go back after the holidays! Yep. That's right. My ass is toast. I know, I'm appalled too. Who wouldn't want me gracing their establishment with my presence on a near daily basis? Beats me.. Anyway, it's no biggie, i'll be fine. I'm a glass half full kinda girl. (that reminded me of a Demetri Martin sketch I watched the other day where he tells about glass half full/half empty so I tried to find it on youtube but i couldn't, but i found this clip which is funny too..
he's just really funny and you should watch more of him) Anyway, back to me being fired.. it's just some bullshit but it's ok i'll live.

This guy that I work with came in this morning with a very festive sweater, santa hat, and was humming "Santa Claus is Coming Tonight". wow. that's some christmas spirit right there. mmhmm...

I think I may have run out of things to say right now. I started watching YouTube and it pretty much went down hill from there so.. ttyl.

Two Letters

2008-12-22T11:24:00.000-08:00

#1

Dear Sir,

This is fun, but it's not good enough. You like me, but not enough. I like you, but it's getting exhausting to rise and fall with the hope at the end of the strings attached to your every word and motion. Enjoying the fantasy, all I could muster in self-defense was a warning, spoken either too softly to be heard or too softly to be regarded. Either way, my whispering "be careful with me" went unheeded. I will speak louder now. please leave me alone. You don't know what I'm worth. That is unfortunate for you. Pardon the drama but I just want to make myself clear. You are one of my favorite friends. This is my beckoning us back from the ledge where we've been measuring the gap between friends and "more than". I won't see us join the remains of other adventurers who grossly miscalculated the distance.

Love.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

#2

Dear sir,

I think about you all the time. After two years, I still think about you all the time. You play strange characters in my dreams. I've stopped trying to interpret. I wonder about you. I wonder what you think about certain things. I want your opinions and your advice. This letter has been forming in my mind for a long time now and in the end, I write it unfinished. There is no conclusion statement, no decision. Just words that need to fill space in the universe. A message in a bottle. When the ocean and the wind know just as well what is best for me, then I leave it up to them. So the words I send floating are that I miss you and I wish I still knew you. And as a daring last thought, I wonder if you think about me.

All my love.

Better Not Pout

2008-12-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

This is the post my pride doesn't want me to write. This is the toddler tantrum welling up inside of me. This is the statement that warrants a "well, life isn't fair." This is a curve in the vicious circle. Another curve to wind it tighter until it spins like a top. The kind with the psychedelic spiral that moves in and out as it dances on the table like a 19 year-old with a fake ID. This kind of pouting gets coal.

With that said, I fold my arms, protrude my bottom lip and commence my shameless kicking and screaming.

'Tis the season, I hear. Frosty weather bids warm bodies huddle together. Cozy fires illuminate faces already blurred by eggnog and other "Christmas spirits", and the mistletoe hangs in the doorway as a perpetual catalyst. An accomplice, no doubt, of that little winged son-of-a-bitch, out making pre-season preparations.

It all evades me.

This is fine though. I enjoy balancing the one who has no balls with the one who can't keep it in his pants. Between the two of them, I stay pretty occupied. Occupied with banging my head against the wall. Unfortunately, even with this occupation I have miraculously found time to notice all the happy couples swarming around me. What a joyous time of year. Allow me to paint for you a picture of the disastrous love-flood of 2008.

First, my brother- why, he's just so smitten. She, of course, is glowing like she captured a firefly and wiped its butt all over her face. Then there's Sergio and Loni (I've changed the names to both make me sound like I have exotic friends and to pretend like anyone reads this or cares) So Sergio and Loni were engaged only a short while ago but tragically ended it in tears. Don't worry though, they're ok now and both in love again! Can you believe it? It's a Christmas miracle!! Gosh, I'm so happy for them. Then there's Jaunita. She's hardly finished with her divorce and already, wait for it.. She's found another! And, by golly, they're just so so damn happy. So happy together. Then, last night I'm at a party and I see my friend Rufus. He's not with Tamika though.. hmm, that's peculiar, they've been together for like 3 years.. who is this impostor? So, I get the scoop and apparently they went their separate ways an amount of time ago best expressed in weeks and you'll never believe it but they are both blissfully happy with their new special friend. yep. wow, what a blessing for them. (by the way, if you are picking up on the sarcasm here, you should feel about as proud as you feel about knowing your ABCs, it's pretty dense) Do I need to keep going? Love is so thick in the air, I'm swimming. No, drowning. Cupid's really gotten greedy this time. I'm sure this will have drastic effects on the economy of love. The amount of new relationships being created is just obscene and I am bracing myself for the effects if this inflation. Terrance has a new gal. Payton is engaged!! Esmarelda has never been happier. Josie is having a fantasy New Year's Eve wedding. Hector is seeing his wildest dreams come true and Sheila is, omigosh, like, so, like, like, so, like happy. Like, oh my gosh, like, kill me.

I'm pretty sure it's been about 2 years since I've been in an actual relationship and what I've found since then has been: 1 cute but unavailable, 2 nice but um, yeah, no. A few "well that was fun, see ya later"s, and a couple "hmmm, this could be good, maybe this cou- ok, guess not.." All topped off with 1 completely perfect who's now engaged to not-me.

If this pouting does indeed find me coals on Christmas morn, I will hide on the tops of buildings and chuck them at happy couples passing below.

I watched the video

2008-12-19T09:47:00.000-08:00

I got the watch the video of my performance tuesday. I was glad to see that overall it did come off well. I feel good about it. Most of what I thought afterwards was true, there were some mistakes and I have a lot of work to do but it's definitely there. I can't wait to have the second piano and Mere singing and the whole show put together! I know I keep saying we've got some good ideas.. cause we do! Anyway, I just wanted to post a follow up to my post-show review. You know how sometimes watching yourself back on video is like "Seriously? that's what i look like? that's what i sound like? i do not!" haha, well it wasn't like that this time. I felt good about it. Ok, that's all about that.

I always feel like I don't have a lot of Christmas shopping to do til I actually start doing it and then I realise, crap, i've waited way to long. damnit. So I guess this weekend will be the scramble. I've never been a huge Christmas enthusiast. I mean, i like it, but I really just like all the time off work, the birthday parties (lots in december, including mine) and then the Christmas parties (like the one we're having tonight- The Ugly Sweater Christmas Kegger :) (my sweater is hideous) and all the family time. But the finacial stress, the last-minute shopping, all the bullshit of everyone suddenly super-religious and charitable, the consumerism, and all the sadness that is seemingly ampliphied this time of year- I don't like that stuff. I'm not sure where I was going with that. Um, I have a lot of shopping to do this weekend and i'm not looking forward to it.